Sufferer Hello; Introducing Myself

[omshanti]

Hello all. I'm a new member.

I have multiple-trauma PTSD, Generalized Anxiety and Major Depression. I feel like the PTSD is probably the root of the latter two. My diagnosis was in 2005. Still trying to manage things one day at a time. After a few months of no episodes, I had one yesterday right after my first EMDR session. I'm disappointed because I really wanted the new therapy to "work." Weighing my options again today.

I'm not here for anything much except understanding, acceptance and insight. I'm hoping to feel a little less alien in the world by interacting with others who also have PTSD. It's difficult for my spouse to understand, but he does the best he can. I think that having a community forum like this to turn to is a good tool in my figurative toolkit.

Thank you and have a peaceful day, wherever you are.

 

[Tinyflame]

Peaceful day to you too @omshanti ! Welcome. :)

 

[sonicwhite]

My trauma was in 2005 how ironic is that. I'm going to tell my therapist about EMDR. because I know I need it. As I get older my trauma surfaces to the top of my mind. I also have GAD AND MDD. so where like two peas in a pod lol

 

[BlueDream]

Welcome to the forum!!

 

[intothelight]

@omshanti Welcome to the forum! :)

Check out some of the threads on EMDR as there are many times the therapy can cause a short term spike in symptoms. Even though symptoms increase in the short term, the long term benefits are substantial. I hope you find the information and support here beneficial to your healing.

 

[omshanti]

@intothelight Thank you! I'm glad to be here with you all.

The EMDR threads are a wealth of helpful information to me now. I only wish I'd joined and read up beforehand so I would have been prepared. But I'm here now, and I am grateful.

My therapist did no grounding exercises with me at the end of the session, which seems odd to me in retrospect. I will make sure and ground myself afterwards if I go back.

Thank you again for the warm welcome, and I hope you have a peaceful day. :)

 

[RavenGirl]

@omshanti, welcome to the forum. There are so many supportive people with so much knowledge, plus everyone here understands where you're coming from! Sorry you have to be here, but glad you found us!

There's also a SUPPORTER section if you're ok with your significant other being on the same forum. Maybe it would help him understand more...just a thought.

 

[omshanti]

I think that's a great idea, @RavenGirl -- I gently suggested it to him and sent a link. It's a wonderful resource here and I hope he joins. My panic attacks are frightening to him, understandably. We all need a sympathetic ear now and then, whether survivor or supporter. :)

 

[EveHarrington]

I don't think I'd jump to the conclusion that EMDR isn't working/helping because it caused an episode. Processing in general isn't easy as it digs up all of the old trauma & trauma issues. I think it would be a good idea to keep trying EMDR and judge how things are going after a number of sessions.

Welcome to the forum. :)

 

[omshanti]

Thanks, @EveHarrington. I'm in black/white thinking mode right now. I'm aware of it.

My prior CBT therapist left and my new therapist suggested the EMDR route after one session together. She is new and I am her third client. Her other two clients are doing EMDR for single-incident, recent trauma. My traumas go back to 1984 and are complex. During the EMDR session, the therapist asked me to list every trauma I could recall. I don't think she had fully read my intake form or fully grasped how long my trauma history is, because after 50 minutes, I was still identifying them when she abruptly stopped me and said "time's up." There was no grounding, no body focus, no "wrapping things up," and no telling me what to expect afterwards. I felt nauseated, went home, and had a panic attack followed by three days of suicide ideation and three nights of night terrors. I am not ready to try EMDR again, but I'm also not writing it off. I will be finding a therapist who knows more about complex trauma and has way more experience with EMDR. I'm taking a step back right now for my own protection, but I agree that EMDR is something to consider again...when I say I'm ready, not when someone else suggests it.

 

[EveHarrington]

Oh-------

That does indeed change things----

I think it would be a good idea to seek out an experienced EMDR therapist. (That is, if/when you decide to try it again.) I think that it's imperative for a therapist to assess if a client is stable enough for EMDR, and I think that this should happen over a few months minimum, not one session. This also ensures that a client knows how to maintain stability when digging up all of the trauma stuff.

I think I understand why you became so destabilized. There are a lot of posts on EMDR here on the forum, and they may help you. (And if you have more EMDR specific questions, you could always post a new thread about it in the therapy forum where you may get more feedback.)

 

[omshanti]

Yeah, that's my whole EMDR story. I guess I didn't want to delve too deep on my initial introductory post because I thought it would have been a novel... and I struggle with negative self-talk. "No one wants to hear that depressing shit," etc. Not true, though. Obviously! :)

I'm tough. I'll get through this like I always do, just like everyone else here does. Some days are smoother than others. One foot in front of the other, into the unknown. Onward.

I've learned a lot from this recent therapy experience. I will protect myself and educate myself far better in the future. I'm taking the good lessons to heart.

I'll post in the EMDR threads if I have more to say, but I do want to thank you for welcoming me and taking an interest in my story.