Sufferer Hello New To The Forum

[THEELEG]

Hello my name is Benjamin and I live in Houston TX, the introduction said let it all out so here I go. On April 15 2012 my best friend Sam and I were on my motorcycle on a two lane road, he was on the back I was driving (letting him feel the power and the wind hoping he'd buy one). We were going 70/75 and there was a truck coming in front of us, before you know it a camaro decides to pass. At that moment I remember Sam saying "o shit" and me seeing the drivers head light at my left foot, then sky ground sky ground because we were flipping through the air. There were to culverts in the ditch for someone's drive way, I went through one Sam hit the center. Woke up staring at blades of grass like it was something from a movie, moved my arms and rolled over then decided to stand. Figured my left leg was broke when pain shot from it, crawled out of the water and noticed my left leg was amputated from knee down. Said to my self "mother f*cker" and realized if I was like this how was he, crawled between 10/12 foot and found him on the other side of the drive way mangled. We flew over 90 feet and my motorcycle was torn in two, then the police, fire, and ems should up. I was awake and aware the whole time, I remember getting my pants cut off to the touruqiet and even asking the ems if my Pecker was there. Went blind for about 20 mins from blood loss, you've never been cold with no blood in your body on an ambulance, thought I was having a seizure. I was calm the whole time until life flight came because I heard them say "they have to ride together or this one want make it" (Sam). Remember them with a blue bag for oxygen the whole ride and the last time I saw him he was getting pushed into the hospital. Hospital for almost 2 months, 18 surgeries and of course they put my room right next to the life flight landing area and I could see it land every other day. Well got out learned how to walk with my prosthetic and then I was charged with manslaughter. When through court signed 8 years probation, was gonna try trial but ex fiancé was pregnant and we bought a house. Then I became an alcoholic, wasn't able to smoke marijuana do to conditions of probation so I started drinking. Well you can't drink on probation either, they can test up to 100 hours. Found it in my system twice in aug and sep and put me in county for 30 days. Didn't know how to deal with ptsd and I was keeping things to myself and was drinking, it made my fiancé leave me because I pushed her away. We are going through the separation now and are friends and we have 2 beautiful children, Samuel my son 3 and our daughter Charlee 1. Never was a big talker about my problems, but after county and almost going to prison I've learned to speak out. Took me long enough and my fiancé. I'm 28 years, the accident was 3 days before my birthday and round 10 before my older brother wedding. Well there it is, excited about the forum. You can ask me anything, thank you

 

[LoneWoIf]

Hello my name is Benjamin and I live in Houston TX, the introduction said let it all out so here I go....

Hello and welcome Benjamin. I must first say...WOW. My jaw dropped reading your introduction. You have been through A LOT. The accident amputation and your friend loss and all the aftermath. I'm so sorry. My first thought honestly is that you're a very strong person. You're still here and asking for help. I've been on here for one day and people on here are a godsend.

You know, never feel bad or ashamed for saying - hey I want to talk, hey I could really use a friend. If you need to talk or vent, please message me. :)

 

[THEELEG]

Hello and welcome Benjamin. I must first say...WOW. My jaw dropped reading your introduction. You have...

Thanks lone wolf, ya there is no easy way to say but to say it. Glad I'm finally doing something about it, ptsd is a real and she is a bitch

 

[Deleted member 34328]

Yup...she is!!!

 

[LoneWoIf]

Thanks lone wolf, ya there is no easy way to say but to say it. Glad I'm finally doing something about it, ptsd is a real and she is a bitch

Oh YES, yes she is. One I wish I never met!! But here we are.

 

[LoneWoIf]

I was diagnosed with diabetes when I was 21. I'm 32 now. Was healthy at the time...eating decent (not perfect) and running 3-5 miles daily.

Two years later, started having seizures in college - I believe due to stress/finals and not sleeping adequately.

Fast forward to now. I recently found out about a minor female problem. Could be bad if not managed.

And now, straight from my psychologists mouth, PTSD. A more minor form than let's say a 10 year war vet but still a hindrance to me.

I'm not a hypochondriac by any means. I believe cold hard facts and tests. I never felt sorry for myself once about any of my "illnesses." But there are days where I really question why that sperm survived to create me who isn't exactly ideal genetics.

It helps to vent. It really does. The reason I'm telling you all this is because shit happens to people. Really stupid, horrible, why me, random bullshit. I've questioned why a million times, believe me.

I know what happened to you maybe seems like a death sentence or - why me seriously?! Maybe feels like it ruined your life.

But here we are. Two strong people asking for help understandably. You should be proud of knowing when it's time to try and get better. Your mental state may feel frustrating. Your outcome may feel undeserved.

I've started to realize, from being on here, you are not alone. All kinds of people go through really bad things. They're still here. Trying. Like you and me. To wake up each day and say - I don't want to quit. f*ck you depression and f*ck you bad feelings!! I'll conquer this eventually!!

*I send you hugs*

 

[THEELEG]

I was diagnosed with diabetes when I was 21. I'm 32 now. Was healthy at the time...eating decent (not...

Thanks LW, learning to reach out now and talk held it in to long. Staying strong for my children, can't leave them deserted and I felt like i did when I got arrested. I was being a selfish ass hole and only thinking about myself and my next beer to open, I have bad days and better days like everyone else and today is a bad one

 

[Poofycat]

Welcome to the forum! Good job reaching out for help and support. That's the first step toward healing.

 

[THEELEG]

Welcome to the forum! Good job reaching out for help and support. That's the first step toward healing...

I'm working on it, just started at the journey I know there well be bumps in the road. Just got to drive around them

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome! :hug:

 

[RavenGirl]

Welcome to the forum, glad you found us but sorry you have to be here as it means you too suffer. I prefer to call PTSD a "bastard" as mine is from childhood abuse by male family members. (Bitch / bastard either or! Lol) It totally sucks either way you call it, but I'm here to tell you it can get better with a lot of hard work. The people here are an awesome support system, no one judges and everyone is understanding. Yes, definitely speak up and ask for help when needed, a therapist that specializes in your type of trauma does wonders too. Good luck on your road to recovery, and welcome again. Raven :):hug:

 

[THEELEG]

Welcome to the forum, glad you found us but sorry you have to be here as it means you too suffer. I p...

Thank you @RavenGirl past few days haven't been so bad, been relaxing with friends and staying busy. I really do enjoy this place and will be hanging around