Hello - Not Diagnosed and Not Sure About Telling Story

[Kathy]

I believe many people here will understand what you're thinking, as they have the same condition as you, being PTSD. It may be disconcerting if you are unaccustomed to people relating to you, but in the long run I think you will find it relief to have others understand.

Wanting to do what you love is not strange, it is completely normal and healthy. However there is no "normal" per se, everyone is different, though many people try to conform. I would suggest simply being yourself, and if you aren't certain who that self really is, work on your trauma and that will most certainly help.

 

[nobody]

well... i could go on and tell you every detail as best as I could but thats not really what bothers me. I mean... my dad, for example. Yeah, he was a cokehead and an alcoholic. Yeah, he was abusive. But he was never a dad. He pushed baseball on me and I didn't even like baseball. All I got out of it was fractured cart. in my nose from a 45 mph fastball when I was 10 or 11 that nicked off the bat. I was never any good at it but he pushed it on me because he likes it. I could run. I never lost a race. I could've played football; which I love. I could have been in track. Who knows how far I would have gone? Maybe I would have gotten a scholarship. Maybe I would've went even further than that. I will never know now because thats all dead and gone. Everything I should have done as a child was replaced with drugs and abuse of all types. Instead of going outside to play and have fun I went outside to avoid all the fighting. Yet even then I wasnt avoiding anything because they would yell so freakin' loud that the entire neighborhood knew. We would get evicted every time because of that. And it's not like nobody saw it happen. Everyone knew. The social workers knew when they came in to pull my pants down and look for red marks on my ass, but they weren't there for that... they were there to look at my 10 year old ass. I just feel so neglected and thats what confuses me. Everyone is always telling me what I should be doing but I dont want to do anything!! I would be so happy with any typical 9 - 5 making enough money to live and chill out with my music. That would be so fine for me... but that all seems so distant. Im getting some money soon and I plan on leaving NY with it, but whats to say something wont blow up with that too? Whats to say I move and then meet another twisted evil person like my ex girlfriend who only wants another trophy on her wall? Who can I truly trust outside of the circle?