For the most part (of our relationship, and I mean the most!) we get along very well - just as it should be. However, there have been instances where he's slapped me (not punched) (both drunk by the way) but a bit of back handing. The thing is he has now taken to hitting himself full on in front of me with a boot/shoe/anything that will cause damage.
From what I am reading, I understand you are looking for help so he doesn`t hurt himself?
The "he's slapped me " sounds like something you are not bothered or worried about!
Just wanting to clarify things before opening my mouth. On the other hand, I speak my mind any way so what the hell.
I ASSUME (yes to all you readers on here this is my opinion, so shut up before you start) You are concerned about him hurting himself and not about him hiting you, pain in the arse when your drunk or not. And that he has seen Combat and may have PTSD from it. (don`t understand why you are here otherwise)
Unfortunatly Anger and Alcohol go hand in hand with Military Service and we use it to adjust and Cope. Does it justify us hitting people when were blind drunk. Probably not, but at the end of the day the Alc is most probably opening the door to the underlying problem.
You could take the hints and suggestions of most probaly a lot of the people who will answer you here in that, him being a nice guy doesn`t make it ok for him to strike you!
IMHO they are usually none military types who haven`t the fogiest about what price we pay to ensure they can sleep safe at night.
At the end of the day we are trained for years to Hurt people. But once you leave the cocoon that is the military there is no longer a need for us to be like that, but we don`t get trained otherwise and so we carry on in the only way we know, because we know it saves our lives. And what greater confirmation is there that you are doing it right than being allowed to live because you hurt the other guy first
But at the end of the day in the civilian world hiting anybody is out of order. FACT.
You wishing to help him though is very Abmirable, and I take my hat of to you for wanting to make the effort and help someone you love who has lost his way in the world.
Most people wouldn`t even wipe their feet on us.
So getting back on track.
There are a lot of reasons for it and finding out why is never going to be easy.
If you want to help him you will need to do some leg work and get the ball rolling. He may well tell you where to get off and keep you nose out of his business. We Military peeps are not the politest. (who would of guessed)
If you are going to speak to anybody about him you will need to get a heads up as to what his problem MIGHT be.
Has he had Anger issues all the time you`ve known him?
As he has been in NI and Bos (I probably know all to well what he has been through) has he seen Combat?
If he has has he been diagnosed with PTSD due to a Combat experience?
Getting the corners in place will help you build up the picture.
Your biggest problem is going to be getting him (eitherway) to admit he has anger issues or even maybe worse. If he isn`t willing to accept there is a problem then you are on a long hard road to a hiding so to speak.
You can speak to your GP. The NHS has a fast track system in place to ensure Vets get the treatments they needs ASAP.
Combatstress will also be a good place to seek further, they have all many of programs inplace that will help.
The RBL also have case workers, who will look into getting the correct help he needs.
Out here in Germany the local British Salvation Army also have a big role for Serving Personel and Vets. They will also have Case workers and Trauma assistance.
Speak to them, get him to go to the local RBL or Sally BAsh for a brew and just chat. It is somewhere he will know from his Service for Queen and Country.
Write down the URL for the Combat PTSD site and leave it where he can see it. If he is willing to look there is a good chance of getting help.
He is probably not going to tell you about what he saw or what he did, don`t take it personaly.
I have been married to my wife over 20 years, she only found out a couple of years ago where I have been, but she still doesn`t know what I was doing, or what I have done. And she most probably never will.
We are monsters as it is, without the people we love knowing in depth how evil we have been.
Read up on here the different Threads which are Military based, and PTSD based. and when asking questions try and differentiate between Military Vets and Careers who understand and stand by the green machine and are will to help us and the Civvies who haven`t got a clue.
They are two different worlds and the one doesn`t understand the other.
As you have also been on the other site. http:// Check out the "Your not in the Army now" Video in the media section. It will explain a lot as to why we are the arseholes we are. You can even try and get him to watch it once you`ve seen it. It might just open his eyes.
But for gods sake don`t post on our site because we will ban you. But then I think you have understood that now.
Anyway spike Darlin`take care. It is a long bumpy road you are just starting out on.
Look after yourself.
