Supporter Help! anger, unwillingness to forgive. firefighter husband may have ptsd.

[Help!!!!!]

hi! I have been thinking my firefighter husband has ptsd. Our marriage counselor & one of his firefighter coworkers told him he has symptoms of Ptsd. He told me about the counselor saying he has ptsd & is depressed & that he " explained that away". He is pissed off .

Told me he cares for no one. That he is happy with himself & is going to take care of himself.

He is checking out & turning off. Says he is getting angrier going to counseling . He does not trust me, he resents going & being told marriage takes work. He is told me he will be " angry for eternity." Will never forgive me for the fact that he lost out on time with his brother who died & not staying in contact with his high school friends. He chose not to go on trips with him / go out with friends because he was afraid to upset me. I never knew he resented me for it. I am willing to changed & have taken steps to but he does not believe I am sincere. Says he does not believe people change. I love this man!!!

How does the anger go away??

I don't know if going to counseling is helping but am afraid to stop it.

What do I do ?? I see the signs but there is so much anger??

 

[Yolanda]

My husband has recently been diagnosed too.. He's told me the same thing and it hurt me to my heart. This is new for me as well I hope someone can advise us both ☺ but continue to trust in God things will get better.

 

[Karthik]

hi! I have been thinking my firefighter husband has ptsd. Our marriage counselor & one of his firefighter coworkers...

Counselling will only help if both the Councillor and the person involved believe that it helps.If your husband says it makes him more angry and does not trust then there is no point going and wasting time and money. From what you tell me he seems to be totally coiled with stress and frustration and only thing that would help is he needs to let go his feelings.He needs to be given and provided safe opportunities under supervision to uncoil slowly . Time is the healer. Along with that also let him do things that keeps him happy and things that he likes. A combination of both would help him get back to normalcy along with the feeling you are there for him always.Make things that make him start believing that you feeling and thoughts,actions for him are true, You have to do it from your heart 100% to make him feel and believe.God Bless

 

[MarnieM]

hi! I have been thinking my firefighter husband has ptsd. Our marriage counselor & one of his firefighter coworkers...

Unfortunately PTSD is a mental illness, and you can't force help onto him. You can tell him that you support him, that you're there for him, and you're willing to do what he needs. Ask him what it is he feels that he needs, tell him honestly how you feel. You can't force counseling on someone because it only works if they really put the effort into it. As someone in his life you need to take yourself out of the equation, and focus on him. Is it scary for you? Yes, but if it becomes too scary you have the option to remove yourself from the situation. You can't force someone to get through PTSD, they have to find their own path. Some of us have been lucky enough to find people who walk the path with us, but we can't be lead or forced down it. Step back, talk to him, really listen when he talks to you. You may not agree with what he says, but you do need to support it emotionally.

 

[grimalkin]

To add: if he is not getting his own counseling/therapy, marriage counseling may very well hurt more than it helps, because he doesn't have the tools to cope with the stress and emotions brought out by marriage counseling.

His hurtful words towards you may be the "push" part of the push/pull dynamic, it may be him lashing out in anger, or it may be how he really feels. Learn all you can about PTSD, and like those above have said, realize there is nothing you can do to help him, only walk with him. He has to do the work himself to heal.

Your marriage is another story. It takes two people to heal a marriage. If he's not willing to put in the work, well...it doesn't bode well.