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Deleted member 33287
Had that hug from my sufferer that hug is tricky
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Help Determine If Relationship With Ptsd Female Is Worth Pursuing And How?
- Post starter Area57
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prayerwarrior
New Here
I have a very good friend who is a sufferer. I listen to him when he talks about his PTSD. I can't fix him, I can only listen, and try to understand. He is a combat vet. He went into an isolation phase at the end of March, and I struggled not to take it personally, but then I noticed I was not the only person or friend he was isolating from. So I realized it wasn't me. I joined this forum hoping to get some information. I also bought a book on PTSD and relationships, and boy has it been informative. So now, I contact my friend via texts or phone calls. He has a difficult time reaching out to other people, even his family, and he has told me that I need to contact him, so I do. Little things, just asking how he is, if it's a good day or bad day, stuff like that. It has brought us closer. When we do get together, we talk for hours, and he is comfortable with me. I am taking things slowly, at his pace. It can be hard, but I am willing to be patient. I hope this helps you a little bit, Area57.
prayerwarrior
New Here
Me too. He always asks for a hug, especially if he thinks I am not going to give him one.
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- #28
Ok. This is clearly more severe than I thought. At least the rest of you don't think I'm a creep the way I described a hug!
So maybe I'm not cut out for this type of relationship. I was comparing it more to myself and an ex I had with anxiety, panic and OCD which I have seen the highs and lows of and I thought the lows were bad. I think severe PTSD may be in a different league.
I won't vilify her don't worry. I am never mean. So she put me off at the hospital. She still came. Maybe that alone was really hard for her. I know she is trying. Relationship wise, I do need somebody I can count on. Heck I wouldn't even mind if she wrote and said she was having a bad day and had to cancel. I can understand that. Silence sends me a signal they are not thinking about you at all. And maybe in the bad periods they aren't.
It's too bad. She is the first person I have felt something towards in six years. Haha. Maybe I'm picky but they don't come along often. That's why I wanted to try.
So we will be church friends then. That's ok. Sad tho don't you think? That she is missing out? I don't even mean me but life. She said she had given up on happiness that it is something for other people. I just think that the best thing to do is get out there and do stuff! Its summer. She should come with me to the coast. She said she loves the coast and I'm easy to get along with and never yell. She would feel better. Isolation can't be good. Doesn't pushing yourself a little bit and still going out and living life help you? Even little things. Maybe not a black metal
Concert in a big city but a walk with someone else along the river.
f*ck but this does break my heart to think of her sad and alone. But there is nothing I can do. People have to let you in. I know of no ways to break down the doors to someone's heart.
So maybe I'm not cut out for this type of relationship. I was comparing it more to myself and an ex I had with anxiety, panic and OCD which I have seen the highs and lows of and I thought the lows were bad. I think severe PTSD may be in a different league.
I won't vilify her don't worry. I am never mean. So she put me off at the hospital. She still came. Maybe that alone was really hard for her. I know she is trying. Relationship wise, I do need somebody I can count on. Heck I wouldn't even mind if she wrote and said she was having a bad day and had to cancel. I can understand that. Silence sends me a signal they are not thinking about you at all. And maybe in the bad periods they aren't.
It's too bad. She is the first person I have felt something towards in six years. Haha. Maybe I'm picky but they don't come along often. That's why I wanted to try.
So we will be church friends then. That's ok. Sad tho don't you think? That she is missing out? I don't even mean me but life. She said she had given up on happiness that it is something for other people. I just think that the best thing to do is get out there and do stuff! Its summer. She should come with me to the coast. She said she loves the coast and I'm easy to get along with and never yell. She would feel better. Isolation can't be good. Doesn't pushing yourself a little bit and still going out and living life help you? Even little things. Maybe not a black metal
Concert in a big city but a walk with someone else along the river.
f*ck but this does break my heart to think of her sad and alone. But there is nothing I can do. People have to let you in. I know of no ways to break down the doors to someone's heart.
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- #29
I think it makes sense to define your relationship, if you decide it is best for you to be just friends, then make it clear to her that is what you want. That way a clear set of boundaries is set, and neither of you will have expectations beyond what you have established. (and it will leave you free to perhaps pursue someone that you might click better with.)
You already have a glimpse of how things would be in a relationship, and if she doesn't have a grasp on what she is going through, she might not be able to give you more than what she is. I believe relationships work best when you do what is best for you. (ie: if you aren't at your best, you cannot expect someone else to come in and fix you, and when you aren't at your best, you don't always give others your best) aside...
As I was reading this post, something stuck out to me, you mentioned when you did see her, she can talk a mile a minute. Having ptsd I can relate to that, for me this is how: having ptsd, I can get very isolated, sometimes it's my own doing, sometimes it's just circumstances. There are days on end when my child is the only one I talk to, and it can get so lonely, this isolation, that the excitement of having someone to actually talk to, it bubbles over, hence all the chatting. (that's just my two cents as to why she does talk a lot when you see her).
You already have a glimpse of how things would be in a relationship, and if she doesn't have a grasp on what she is going through, she might not be able to give you more than what she is. I believe relationships work best when you do what is best for you. (ie: if you aren't at your best, you cannot expect someone else to come in and fix you, and when you aren't at your best, you don't always give others your best) aside...
As I was reading this post, something stuck out to me, you mentioned when you did see her, she can talk a mile a minute. Having ptsd I can relate to that, for me this is how: having ptsd, I can get very isolated, sometimes it's my own doing, sometimes it's just circumstances. There are days on end when my child is the only one I talk to, and it can get so lonely, this isolation, that the excitement of having someone to actually talk to, it bubbles over, hence all the chatting. (that's just my two cents as to why she does talk a lot when you see her).
scout86
VIP Member
You might tell her that and see what happens. There's a chance she's seeing it in a totally different way and would be really surprised to learn how it seems to you. (I keep finding it surprising to learn people take it that way. To me, when I avoid people I'm doing them a favor and I assume they have better things to do than wondering where I am. Truly!)
Pakadlangitok
Silver Member
It sounds like she is being consistent in a way........consistently inconsistent!
Maybe she does not have PTSD? Hundreds of other mental health issues she may have.
I can tell you now, PTSD does not mean blowing people off.
I have PTSD and I would never leave a friend in hospital like that without an explanation.
Most of us have TOO MUCH compassion which vaccilates with retreat. For instance we could be there at hospital day one or two and then by three we are getting overwhelmed and then we get stressed that we let you down.
I can't speak for everyone, but all PTSD people I know have such a honed sense of suffering that we cannot stand to see it in a roach!
You are at the breaking point. Tell her that. Ask her what the heck is going on? You have no idea what it is. She sounds more Borderline than PTSD?!!!
Keep us posted. I am sorry you were alone in your time of need. That is a very sad feeling.
Maybe she does not have PTSD? Hundreds of other mental health issues she may have.
I can tell you now, PTSD does not mean blowing people off.
I have PTSD and I would never leave a friend in hospital like that without an explanation.
Most of us have TOO MUCH compassion which vaccilates with retreat. For instance we could be there at hospital day one or two and then by three we are getting overwhelmed and then we get stressed that we let you down.
I can't speak for everyone, but all PTSD people I know have such a honed sense of suffering that we cannot stand to see it in a roach!
You are at the breaking point. Tell her that. Ask her what the heck is going on? You have no idea what it is. She sounds more Borderline than PTSD?!!!
Keep us posted. I am sorry you were alone in your time of need. That is a very sad feeling.
EveHarrington
VIP Member
I really don't see borderline.
I'm PTSD and other anxiety issues and I have blown off people in the past. (Never in a hospital though.)
<I know there is at least one post around here about PTSD and flakiness/cancelling at the last minute.>
I really don't think all us PTSDers are so incredibly compassionate. Actually we run the gamut from don't give a damn to cries at the drop of a feather at anyone else's pain------just like the rest of the population.
Characterizing all people with PTSD as possessing a specific character trait is dangerous IMHO and spreads misinformation about how we really are.
I'm PTSD and other anxiety issues and I have blown off people in the past. (Never in a hospital though.)
<I know there is at least one post around here about PTSD and flakiness/cancelling at the last minute.>
I really don't think all us PTSDers are so incredibly compassionate. Actually we run the gamut from don't give a damn to cries at the drop of a feather at anyone else's pain------just like the rest of the population.
Characterizing all people with PTSD as possessing a specific character trait is dangerous IMHO and spreads misinformation about how we really are.
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