Help From A Vulcan Friend

[nomedic1]

Confirmation bias is a phenomenon wherein decision makers have been shown to actively seek out and assign more weight to evidence that confirms their hypothesis, and ignore or underweigh evidence that could disconfirm their hypothesis.

Ms Spock sent me this definition and I can be honest with myself I am using this 100% when it comes to my self worth. I go through those violent memories and it just seems natural to paint myself with the same brush as those offenders, murderers, rapists and what the military and freedom fighters(using the politically correct term)did.

I feel that my trauma was of my own doing for choosing to be where I was. Unlike most of the folks on here that would never have wished their trauma on themselves. In a way I have taken this outlook from the pulling of that trigger.

I seemed to have noticed it with the help of friends on here and I can hopefully find a way of finding the good in myself and believing what others say when they compliment me.

I just want to say to anyone that feels the same, their is strength somewhere deep inside we just have to look for it. Even if it takes some really hard soul searching

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

(((@nomedic1))) Proud of you :)

And I needed to read this so thanks for posting it.

 

[nomedic1]

We learn together Stronger like one big family

 

[nursenurse]

My favourite line comes from "The Help" : "You is kind. You is smart. You is important." And that, Nomedic, is you.

 

[macca]

That's awesome nomedic!

 

[Everhopeful]

Thank you Nomedic1, your analysis of your own situation is a very interesting and enlightening one. It helps me understand a few things about my spouse's situation, too.

But, I still ask myself: why does someone (seemingly of their own volition) gravitate to chaotic, violent, war-torn, gangster-life (my husband) situations? This surely is a reaction to something else that preceded all the subsequent trauma?

Already traumatised individuals may feel they have nothing more to lose by going to war, joining a violent gang, becoming a mercenary?

So before the first trigger was pulled, something else must have set it all off within yourself? Or a chain of events maybe?

Thank you for sharing your insights with all of us here.

 

[bell]

That's so great, @nomedic1! Way to go!

@Everhopeful, while my experiences are much less dangerous than the ones that your husband has been involved in, I put myself in dangerous situations because I wanted to feel something (anything) and also, just didn't care about myself. In a sense, I could feel in these situations because there was an element of danger. For once, my sense of heightened anxiety, made sense. For awhile I had kind of a death wish, so I figured why not put myself in a dangerous situation and see what happens?

 

[nomedic1]

Thanks bell

 

[Deleted member 20280]

Well you got me on that one too. Made me think deep into my traumas and with you on this one totally.

Laurence

 

[novemberDark]

Hi nomedic1 I wanted to quote you on something but it just got screwed up.

I don't know why, but when you say "trauma was of my own doing for choosing to be where I was" it doesn't sit right with me sorry.

We all come into this world with that death and life force inside for a reason.

It's sometimes taken and trained to perfection, usually for purpose of gain.

It's maybey that same strenght that you talk about, just was not meant to be given away.

We are often our own mercyless judge.

Others can still see you for who you really are.
When struggling it's for a reason that comes from having a conscious.

I struggle with it, but I was lucky to surround myself with friends who can accept me, because they have the same issues.

Belonging did not disappear ( how could it when we were born this way) it just shifted.

The self acceptance part that is everyones own job. Does not have be alone without perception of others ( I don't know how to put it on here) .

I hope I don't offend anybody I just could not stop myself, to want to respond to your msg.

Ms Spock really caught me when I first came to this web site I was falling, and I'm grateful for that.

 

[reddevil1111]

As a veteran of Combat with PTSD I think the answer your looking for Everhopeful is that in danger and risk come the reward of feeling. We may feel more alive. We might feel guilt or anger. We have a hard time with feelings. Most combat vets disassociate and revert to only feeling anger and rage. Those feelings are used in combat as survival tools that a reaffirmed when we live through the combat. We use that as a shield to release stress as well as keep others away. Keeping others away is for self defense. If you cant get near us we don't have to worry about either getting hurt or hurting others.

I think that's the main reason that Anthony decided Combat vets needed a separate site. We express a lot of hostility and rage that other people with PTSD don't normally. hypervigilance, Violence, and that our trauma is based not just on the combat but even in our training. There is a lot more to it but I think those are good main points.

From my experience its good to discuss stress levels with your vet. Get his take on how the day is going. Don't allow him to be abusive. Discuss what it is that makes him react and you will understand how to calm him and keep him from triggers as well.

I don't know a way to keep us from the dangerous jobs or risk taking. The best thing you can do in my mind is express the risk/reward and hope they realize the risk is greater than the reward. Maybe getting them to try high risk hobbies to replace the high risk job? I know it sounds crazy but skydiving is pretty safe and is a high reward hobby and it could replace his desire to take on a job that risks his life.

I don't know that you can make that happen. I sat and thought about that for a few minutes. Combat is the ultimate risk/reward. It can become addictive. It can be very powerful. Being a mercenary might not have that same reward as your not bonded with the others you serve with. I can say I fought to insure not just myself but my fellow Marines all came home.

 

[novemberDark]

Good for you but I was told that killing once you start the first time its like a high and then no stop. I'm trying to keep everybody safe here and I have to stop showing that I'm angry so my guys here don't do anything stupid, because they will take my anger as a reaction to a threat and make wrong assessment.

It ridiculous the the thing that make me go there.

For reality over here, in this country of peace, its not the same ( while it s my past that takes over and it's not rational)

I want everybody to be ok. They re alive there here with me. I don't want anyone in jail my, fatherfigure here just says let them go.

I can't do it. I dont want to be responsable. I don't want them to be reponsable for me.