Help: I've Started Cutting Again.

[amanda3of4]

Hello.
I'm new to this forum. I created an account because I'm confused and don't know where to turn. I've been diagnosed with CPTSD as well as Bipolar 2. I've been seeing the same psychiatrist for nearly three years now. During my last session she did/said something that triggered a rather severe trauma response. I'm feeling physically ill even thinking about it, my chest pains are getting worse, I'm dissociating REALLY bad. I had been abstinent from cutting for nearly a year, but because of what happened I don't care anymore. I've completely given up. I have about fifteen cuts on my wrist at this point (and counting). I want to slit my wrist but I don't have a sharp enough blade. I haven't been able to really talk about what happened with anyone except my mama (I have a very strong relationship with her) I plan on canceling my next psychiatry appointment but I'll have to go back in eventually in order to fill a prescription, and I do absolutely have to have my meds. I don't understand what I'm feeling but I know I'm going to end up a lot more hurt than a few chicken scratches if I don't figure out how to get past this, but at the same time I don't think I can face this, thinking about it is too painful. I hope I slit my wrist and need stitches. I give up, I'm done. I'm so confused.

 

[digger]

Hi @amanda4of6
Can I ask what age you are?

I haven't been able to really talk about what happened with anyone except my mama (I have a very strong relationship with her

Do you live with your mother? It's great that you have a strong relationship with her and I'm wondering if perhaps she would be able to help you to get help for this?and if you are considering harming yourself to the point of your injuries requiring medical intervention, then I think this is something you need help with, now.
I would urge you not to cancel your next appointment with your psychiatrist? When is that scheduled?
Do you have a therapist as well as a psychiatrist?

 

[Cypress]

Hello.
I'm new to this forum. I created an account because I'm confused and don't know where to t...

Well the good thing is you are reaching out for help right now and not cutting while you are typing. I know how it feels when you are in that state of absolute panic and you will do anything to make it stop. Have you tried any of the TIP skills from DBT to make yourself feel better? The ice technique really works for me. You just put your face in a bowl of ice water for a few seconds or hold a piece of ice in your hand as long as you can stand. It seems weird but it helps.

Please hang in there and know that there are lots of folks on this forum who know how you feel and are offering their support even though they don't know you.

 

[Missycat]

As the guys above have said , please talk to your mama and dont cancel the appointment with your psychiatrist. How comfortable do you feel writing down how she made you feel and giving her that at the next appointment, could your mama maybe go to the next appointment with you?
It is good that you have reached out for help, you have taken a big step.
I also have used the ice technique and its worked , i also have a rubber/ elastic band on my wrist that i will twang / pull when i get the urge to cut - again this has worked for me.
I wish you all the best *hugs* if accepted.

 

[amanda3of4]

Hi @amanda4of6
Can I ask what age you are?

Do you live with your mother? It's great...

I'm 25 and I live alone.

 

[amanda3of4]

Well the good thing is you are reaching out for help right now and not cutting while you are typing....

Thank you for your suggestion to use the ice technique, unfortunately I don't feel that would help. My emotions surrounding this have lasted all weekend and nothing has been able to pull me out of it.

 

[Lionheart]

I suggest allowing yourself to feel your feelings in a safe environment such as a therapy session. I like the idea of writing it down, how she made you feel, and giving it to her at your next appointment.

Sometimes you will leave a therapy session feeling worse... at least in the beginning, sometimes you will leave feeling better...the thing is that it does get better and better over time.

My suggestion for you is to do anything positive instead of cutting or other self-harm. Make a collage, draw a picture, color in a coloring book, take a hot bath, go for a walk, call a friend, etc. etc. and the possibilities are endless as long as it is positive in nature. Just don't cut.

Come here and keep reaching out, it is wonderful to see the progress you are making even tho you may not see it yet. You have a great support resource here if you will continue to utilize it. There are people who care and I am one of them.

wishing you all the very best with healing,
Lionheart777

 

[joeylittle]

Thank you for your suggestion to use the ice technique, unfortunately I don't feel that would help. My emotions surrounding this have lasted all weekend and nothing has been able to pull me out of it.

Try it anyway. Distractions are just that; they help us get through the next five, ten, 20, 30 minutes...

Spashing very cold water on your face is an effective tool - it triggers a thing called the mammalian diving reflex - and really does work.

 

[Klo]

I am familiar with this feeling. Many people will mean very well in offering CBT type advice because they care. However, if your physiological anxiety just keeps building to the point where you are convinced that you are going to freak out and do something drastic, it is best to just go to the emergency room. The emergency room is the end result after severe cutting. The cutting results in a trip to the emergency room where the extreme psychological distress is also addressed and a fast acting anti-anxiety medication is generally given. However, you don't have to cut to get to that end goal of relief. You only have to show up at the emergency room and make it clear that you are having a crisis involving severe anxiety and a serious urge to hurt yourself. At that point someone will talk with you when a staff member becomes available and the psychological distress will be addressed. Cutting to the point of needing stitches is essentially a means of punishing one's self and feeling like one must 'earn' the emergency help received, before going to the emergency room. However you have a basic humanitarian right to receive help in a psychological crisis. Not everyone receives help because help is not always available to everyone in the world, but that doesn't mean the basic humanitarian right isn't there.