Help On Concerning Question; Answered

[DharmaGirl]

Oh, Phoenix, my heart goes out to you. I would do exactly what you are doing in your situation. I don't always make the best decisions, but I always follow my heart. I know what everyone else has said is true, but still...

 

[safenow]

Monster, you come sit over here by granny safenow. This is not a safe way to go for anyone.

First, the therapist can lose his right to practice medicine. Which means he'd end up hating you in the long run.

Second, Phoenix, since you have only seen each other three times it can't be love. You feel accepted right now, and that's a more powerful emotion than sex. Much more powerful than lust even.

Third, other than his name, and that he has shown a good attitude towards you for these three sessions, what else do you know about him?

*Hands monster a soft furry blanket.* Put your heart back where it belongs and keep yourself safe. She'll do the right thing. Won't you, Phoenix?

 

[DharmaGirl]

That's why I have dogs.

 

[quaintpapercut]

I would do exactly what you are doing in your situation.

Truthfully? I probably would to. But I also recognize now that I have some deep unresolved issues and have in the past, had tendencies to form attachments to people that were not appropriate.

I can tell you with all honesty, that if my therapist tried to put the moves on me I would probably go for it. Even though I'm not attracted to him and I know its wrong. I'm hard wired to comply with authority when it comes to sexual relationships - this is my past speaking though. Not my heart.

 

[intothelight]

Just going to interject a few thoughts. This is screaming red flags at me and please proceed with caution.

Your therapist is suppose to be a professional and they know that clients are "hands off" in regard to personal relationships. In my opinion, expressing an "attachment" with a client after three sessions indicates that he needs counseling, or he takes advantage of his clients, or if it was real he should have terminated the therapeutic relationship immediately. (You shouldn't have had to take that step, he is the professional.)

Before you proceed, at least have a background check performed just to be safe. Something isn't right.

 

[Loveneverfails]

I can tell you with all honesty, that if my therapist tried to put the moves on me I would probably go for it.

I can understand where you all are coming from, but you also all need to recognize that the relationship you form with your therapist for all intents and purposes is false. They may be a good person with a good heart, but they are being what you need to feel safe. They aren't being themselves. It's easy to fall in love with an illusion, but it's still an illusion. My heart goes out to you all but I can honestly say if my T said anything of the sort, I'd be forced to reconsider every promise of trust he ever made to me. As I've said before, when you care about someone, you do what is right and best for their well being. You don't do the selfish thing to make yourself happy. That isn't love, it's infatuation and lust.

 

[quaintpapercut]

I can understand where you all are coming from, but you also all need to recognize that the relationship you form with your therapist for all intents and purposes is false.

I know? Didn't you read the part I wrote afterwards?

 

[Loveneverfails]

Didn't you read the part I wrote afterwards?

I read the entire post, and I apologize if it was taken in a preachy or overly direct context. I was speaking from a standpoint to everyone(including the original poster) and not just you. I should have made that more clear.

 

[quaintpapercut]

Its okay and thank you for clarifying. My point, which I should of perhaps more clear, is that those of us with histories of sexual abuse/assault, are especially more vulnerable to being exploited in certain situations.

I'm aware of this and still I know that my past/triggers would take over and I would comply. Not because I wanted to but because its something familiar (i.e., someone in a position of power trying to exploit me sexually). This is why therapy is slow going for me - it's taking a lot of time for me to establish a strong bond of trust as I'm so used to having my boundaries violated.

 

[p-no]

quainpapercut, seriously, for the first time in my life, just now, these days, have I come to the point where I don't do it anymore. It's the first time of my life, where I feel attracted (not really attracted as a woman could be by a man, but I mean the type you wrote about in your post) and need to get out or not further in. For the first time in my life, today, I have gotten out, and for the first time it has not been in flight mode, quitting my job running a way to a new city, but have made my way through without wrecking my own good (job I generally like, city I like, my apartment I love, etc.)! What I'm trying to say is: Therapy may be slow but it can get you there. Baby steps are steps, they're taking you in the right direction!

Not meaning to scare you, but simply stating the truth: I'm 38 now and have been running to therapy for 19 years (and doing my own work with all I learned there basically daily, implementing it as good as I could "all the time" (this includes times rolling up in bed and wheeping away or just sleeping for three days straigt, that also is part of the healing process in my view). Therapy being an inpatient one at the beginning, then a complete 3-year-one, then a break, then self-help groups for a few years, then back to therapy, then self-help for others, occasional therapy (self-paid), then another 3-year one, then the down time of my life (two years ago) and another 3-year-one that I have just ended after 2 years. Yes, that's a lot, but it got me here. And if I die today (sorry for being pathetic), I'd die with my head held high. Today I am damn proud. The point I'm making, besides that, is you can too. Don't give up!

 

[safenow]

had tendencies to form attachments to people that were not appropriate.

You said in the past you did that. But your comment tells me you are allowing yourself to continue to do that. The only person who can change that is you. The entire purpose of life is to improve, not keep making the same mistakes. In my humble opinion. We keep having the same experiences until we learn that particular lesson. Once we learn it, then we move on to the next lesson. I for one don't want to keep slipping into the same old rut.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I see red flags in this situation too.

I have to wonder why Phoenix you are so cavalier with your future well being and peace of mind at stake? You said you have to take risks. You said you might get hurt. I only foresee you getting hurt in this situation.

He knows what he is doing is wrong. This is a big deal. He knows the laws. He is like a con artist and you do not know if he does this with alot of his clients. Predators usually have a string of victims.

I would hate to see you getting all enmeshed and tangled up with this guy. He is a snake, in my opinion.

I know you want to follow your heart, but it can lead you into a bad situation and you will be left alone to pick up the pieces when it is all over. Just my opinion.