Help On Concerning Question; Answered

[p-no]

My therapist said that you learn from experience and as someone (talking about me) with chronic PTSD (physical, sexual, emotional abuse, abandonment, severe neglect, etc.) with so many bad experiences you need to make good ones to really understand that good experiences are really possible! And that's the hard thing, how do you make good experiences when you're so scared and so haunted and used to so much bad?

I think, my solution for myself was to "do it anyways". So, despite the attraction and the fall backs I eventually took a decision to just not do it (get together with the guy) again. Just not do it. Feel the attraction and the want, and then walk away anyway. Hurts like mega-hell and that pain needs to get out in my case so I submit not to the guy for once but to the pain. The old pain of that little and older child who will find herself alone again, but who will eventually come to understand that alone is better than in a bad relationship.

I'm wishing for some good experiences for you. I can say that it's a good feeling to take the decision to say no for you. It doesn't feel right, and I am still attracted, but I'm on the other side now having made a beginning with the first good experience in this respect. I wish for the same for you.

 

[quaintpapercut]

I just wrote out a long reply and I accidentally hit some random key and the whole thing disappeared :wtf:.

But I did want to say that I feel like I'm being misunderstood here. But in the next breath want to issue the disclaimer that I recognize that this is a very sensitive topic and a huge trigger for me .

You said in the past you did that. But your comment tells me you are allowing yourself to continue to do that. The only person who can change that is you. The entire purpose of life is to improve, not keep making the same mistakes.

I feel like I need to clarify further. I am in no danger of starting a relationship with my therapist. Nor do I feel like he has any romantic feelings for me. I have done a lot of work establishing and building trust within the therapeutic relationship.

I feel like I am capable in keeping myself safe and maintaining boundaries in most situations. For example, if my boss tried to use his power/influence to instigate a sexual relationship with me I think I would be strong enough to protect myself. But if my therapist did the same thing? The one person I am most vulnerable with and who knows my secrets? I would be toast.

I don't think this is a heart vs. head issue at all. I guess that is what I was trying to demonstrate. That even though I can think logically and rationally about the implications and total devastation of something like having a relationship with my therapist, having regard to ALL the circumstances at hand (my history, the power dynamics evident in all therapeutic relationships etc) I see how it could happen.

 

[Loveneverfails]

I recognize that this is a very sensitive topic and a huge trigger for me

I think you hit the nail on the head QPC about why everyone is spending so much time on this thread. I completely agree. This is a huge trigger for me as well. It terrifies me that this is happening to someone, and while I say I would walk away, it would still devastate me beyond belief to deal with it.

But if my therapist did the same thing? The one person I am most vulnerable with and who knows my secrets? I would be toast.

Again, totally can see where you're coming from as it is so true. I think that is the reason why there are laws against it. You are most definitely not alone in feeling that way. I'm sorry if anything I said made you feel singled out or faulty, you absolutely are not.

 

[quaintpapercut]

This is a huge trigger for me as well.

Hugs (if accepted) and understanding LNF.

This is bringing up a lot of stuff for me and I need a bit of time to process. Although, its difficult, I really appreciate that there's a place like this to discuss it in a safe manner. I feel like we can all get our voices heard and still respect one another.

I've never really discussed this out loud to anyone - not even my therapist. For the obvious reasons above - as I feel like even talking about it with him makes me somehow an easier target.

It's really hard experiencing repeated sexual abuse as it makes you feel like you are somehow marked in some way. Like a visible smudge on your soul.

 

[anthony]

Well I did get my answer, and the feelings mutual. Sh*t, he is really the sweetest guy and so compassionate. We exchange feelings through Transferance and counter-transferance. Really an intense feeling if anyone has experienced it.

It is a completely false environment though in which you're within, and your therapist should lose their license if they even cross the line of becoming anything more with you than therapist / client. If they've done it with you, then who else are they doing it with? Would be the question I would be asking myself.

Therapy is not a true relationship, and what any relationship with the person would be like outside of therapy, would be completely different. Don't say you haven't been warned, as you've stated you want to pursue it further.

 

[Abstract]

I'm hard wired to comply with authority when it comes to sexual relationships - this is my past speaking though.

I totally understand what you are saying and I think it is a good example of one of the reason why relationships are off limits and illegal for therapists to have with their patients.

Safe hugs if you want them.

I wanted to say that I think good therapy is genuine in a respect but it is also like only seeing a snapshot of the person. And that means it can't be translated into a normal relationship at all. It's all focused on one person and the power dynamic is totally off.

Phoeniox,
I imagine you probably feeling a bit overwhelmed with all the answers and input. I hope you are OK.

 

[Rumors]

Thank You, most people have a dark side.
But the more you hold it in the worse it comes out.
He seems more real than most people you meet. And, I'll get to know him.

Just remember he went to school and got a degree on how to manipulate your mind. He may "seem" real but if he were, he wouldn't be breaking the biggest ethics code in his profession. There are other ways for him to pursue a relationship with you AFTER he has discharged you. Hate to be so negative, however it scares me that someone in such an influential position in your life changes the rules mid stream. BECAREFUL!!!

 

[Phenioxrising]

I can take all your insight to heart.

Also that life is about takeing chances, would you rather take that chance or regret it later.

I for one don't like regrets, Though I'm young I am sure you all can relate that we've been through more than most people, and had to grow up early.

I've only been loved once by my first dog, never felt anything for other relationships I've been through.

So this is a dangerous on albet, but I'll take it

 

[Pencil]

May I ask a question: Are you still in therapy and paying for it?

 

[Phenioxrising]

Honestly, I've been doing most of the therapy from home, E-mail. Also exposing myself to most all of my triggers.

I've gotten rid of most of them already. Haven't had a trigger in about a month, hell even the men's cologne in the stairwell smelled good at a counselor Appt. yesterday.

 

[Phenioxrising]

This is wrong an so right on so many levels. Da*n the one thing in life that dosn't make sense.

 

[Loveneverfails]

I'm not going to shove my opinion down your throat, I've already more than spoken my share. But I am very worried about your mental well being. Not that I think you aren't sane, that isn't what any of us I think are trying to say. We're worried about you being taken advantage of. I'm sure you are a good person and deserve to be loved. But I want that for you, not something your partner has to be ashamed of and keep secret.