Childhood Helping children that are experiencing trauma but unable to help myself

[Eagle711]

Hi,
I have a very colourful background, and although it was full of trauma causing major internal challenges, I also wouldn’t change it as I do feel these experiences shaped me into who I am today. Although I don’t always feel like it, I know I’ve done a lot more than expected, witch many accomplishments in my life, one being a primary school teacher. This happened on a whim, without help, support or guidance, however it brought me to a school where I feel my unique strengths are making a big difference. These were recognised by my management team, and commended, as I managed to “deal” with the challenging children, when no one else was able to.

I didn’t realise at the time, and felt I wasn’t doing anything special, but have now realised it’s because I can relate to their needs, and being the person that I wished I had growing up, someone who accepted me, understood my troubles and supported me, helping me to thrive not only academically but also emotionally. I craved someone would see me issues behind my mask, as I succeeded academically but battled many emotionally and social challenges that still haunt me today. I’m so grateful to be in the position I am today, even though my ideas aren’t always accepted, it’s evident how big an impact they have had with the progress certain children have made.

I also have a 6 year old son, that I parent in the same way, but face so much backlash about not being strict enough but my aim is to teach him to behave from knowing right from wrong and not out of fear, while ensuring he has a safe space and can be open, honest and most importantly himself. I know I can’t teach or parent them everything they need so I’m very open to help from others, especially in areas I have difficulties in, however I feel that I’m constantly having to defend myself.

This is leading me to bring up a lot of my past experiences and how they affected me, although I know everyone is different, most do need the same core foundations of having a safe and secure relationship, one I’ve been able to do many times. I do love this ability but it’s opened alot of questions about myself, ones I fee have affected my own relationships, mainly with immediate family, as they are unwilling to see beyond my mask and how I really feel. I find it easier to distance myself from then, however after loosing my mum (my go to person) last month, I know I need to find a way to work through things, that benefit us all, to ensure my son has the family he deserves around him.

So with all that being said, I was wondering if anyone has experiences something similar, like I know all the strategies to help others like me, but I’m unable to put these in place myself or find the right support.

 

[OliveJewel]

Yea I had a similar experience. I work at a school with children who have been through various traumas and I was very child focused when I first started but had trouble relating to adults and difficulties with my own children. I started going to therapy for my son’s sake but then started going for myself and uncovered a bunch of crap. My recovery helped me feel more grounded and balanced at school.

 

[Tinyflame]

Hi @Eagle711 .

my unique strengths are making a big difference. These were recognised by my management team, and commended, as I managed to “deal” with the challenging children, when no one else was able to. I didn’t realise at the time, and felt I wasn’t doing anything special, but have now realised it’s because I can relate to their needs, and being the person that I wished I had growing up, someone who accepted me, understood my troubles and supported me, helping me to thrive not only academically but also emotionally

I think that that ^^ is wonderful! But perhaps i some ways you've answered the question yourself:

I do love this ability but it’s opened alot of questions about myself, ones I fee have affected my own relationships, mainly with immediate family, as they are unwilling to see beyond my mask and how I really feel.

and

I know all the strategies to help others like me, but I’m unable to put these in place myself or find the right support.

I have found the same with people with dementia, and trauma. But you said it: you have provided it. After a long time I've come to the conclusion it's sort of like a hole in the heart that others can find some shelter in. But barring another doing the same for you, it doesn't really fill in. And of course the need sometimes can be more easily recognized in children as opposed to the fact adults need that safe space also. And it can be least of all recognized within families where identities or roles can seem rigid within the context of all the history. I do think it's a way forward that others in time will see the value in and learn, but unfortunately I think it can take decades. It's a slow process. Sometimes I've found just the understanding of why you are able to understand has to be enough. (JMHO of course). Just keep being you.

Welcome to you!