Sufferer Hi People, I Have A Hard Time Opening Up To Anyone.

[John25]

My name is John, I'm 25. I have PTSD from my father dying and abusing me mentally, and my mom's having a hard time excepting that also. I always had a hard time opening my self to anybody since I was neglected so this is kinda new for me to do in public.

My dad was an ok guy but he was a criminal and forced me to be the best in everything, so I have 2 primary and 2 high schools. I learned 3 languages, was a multiple chess champion and a prospective violinist and composer and all expected me to be famous at playing. But I had big stage fright so that lead to big argues with my dad and disappointments to my family though I enrolled into academy. I never passed through first year cause my father started dying from cancer, which was terrifying to me and the loss was to cause he was a tough guy so I had a backup of some sort.

I tried suicide 2 years ago( kinda stupid since I called an ambulance the very minute I took my pills) which has laid heavily on my mom. Also opened my eyes to the fact that I never shared my feelings with anybody and the fact that I wanted something different in my life than been pushed to do something i don't want to do( and the fact that I don't want to die, pretty scary experience, lol).

Now I'm at home, have no work, no degree, spend a lot of time at home. I go to therapy but still having the mixed trauma of loosing my dad, being neglected and abused by him and the fact i lost him as a dad and as a person. =) Also, sorry for my English, not a native speaker.

 

[p-no]

Hello John,

Welcome to the forum. :)

I'm glad to read that despite it all you have decided to live. There are many very supportive people on this forum and it's an excellent resource for those with PTSD.

Have a good look around and take as much time as you need with sharing what you would like to share.

By the way, I'm not a native English speaker either.

prime-no

 

[therapybankrupt]

Welcome to the Forum John.

 

[a3a2]

John, I am glad you survived the suicide attempt.

I can easily relate to the perfectionistic attitude of your parents. My siblings and I were also suppose to be the best at everything, with no consideration given to our natural talent or desires. If we weren't the best, it wasn't worth us doing. We were all suppose to be millionaires by the time we hit 35. It was so damaging, because we walked away never ever being able to live up to the expectations set for us. We were doomed to be failures in their eyes.

Welcome to the forum. Let the healing begin!!!

 

[intothelight]

Welcome to the PTSD Forum! :)

 

[Raj]

Welcome to the forum. I feel like a cross of similar experiences as a son and a father and suicide attempt survivor. My poor wife had to save me! I still feel horrible I put her and my children through that.

There is a lot of support here.

 

[KP the nut]

Hi John and welcome to the forum.

 

[ms spock]

forced me to be the best in everything

Dear John,

My father was the same demanding and hypercritical father and it is not helpful and it has meant that I have been stuck for along time. So Welcome to the Forum.

Perhaps when you are feeling better you could do some volunteering in an area that might interest you and try out different things to find out what you actually like. Best wishes.

 

[Jlso111187]

Welcome. I too have a hard time opening up to people but I have found it so much easier to open up on this fourm. I dont have to fear being judged as many of us are in the same boat. Different backgrounds, different causes but we are all here to help and get help. Hope you can find it eaiser for yourself on this fourm as well.