I had been coping pretty well until a one-year anniversary threw me for a loop. As of 6 or 7 weeks ago, I have been experiencing symptoms like:
To get to the meat of the matter, I have a bunch of separate assaults/rapes stacked on top of each other, and a trigger for one can eventually send me into a flashback of another. In a sick way, it's kind of interesting which one (or couple) I'll re-live each time I get worked up.
I'll go into them at some point (don't want this to be horrifically long) - basic round up is 3 major incidences that really shake me up. One's probably rape, one I don't know how to place on the sexual assault spectrum, and one's very recent and sexual assault-y. All involve alcohol use (which I've since cut back). Please no lectures about this.
I also have a pretty long history of major depression & suicide ideation (approx. 8 years, thankfully has been in "remission" for about 9 months). Generalized anxiety is another thing I've been diagnosed with (and appropriately so). I believe I experienced Body Dysmorphia for a period, but those feelings/thoughts had subsided by the time I reached out for help (a year ago). I have a T that I trust, and I'm trying to get a temporary counselor to help work through the trauma stuff (as the T isn't trained in that).
Hopefully, these symptoms won't act up too much, but I have a bad feeling they will. Fast approaching is the anniversary of a serious suicide attempt, and I think I'll be getting especially vulnerable around that time. Wish me luck?
- hyper sensitivity & awareness
- a great deal of general anxiety
- intrusive memories/flashbacks (I see & feel things the way I did back in the traumatic situations)
- racing heart rate
- uncontrollable shaking
- sick, nervous, sweaty feeling all over
- sobbing fits
- insomnia
- persistent, vague nightmares
To get to the meat of the matter, I have a bunch of separate assaults/rapes stacked on top of each other, and a trigger for one can eventually send me into a flashback of another. In a sick way, it's kind of interesting which one (or couple) I'll re-live each time I get worked up.
I'll go into them at some point (don't want this to be horrifically long) - basic round up is 3 major incidences that really shake me up. One's probably rape, one I don't know how to place on the sexual assault spectrum, and one's very recent and sexual assault-y. All involve alcohol use (which I've since cut back). Please no lectures about this.
I also have a pretty long history of major depression & suicide ideation (approx. 8 years, thankfully has been in "remission" for about 9 months). Generalized anxiety is another thing I've been diagnosed with (and appropriately so). I believe I experienced Body Dysmorphia for a period, but those feelings/thoughts had subsided by the time I reached out for help (a year ago). I have a T that I trust, and I'm trying to get a temporary counselor to help work through the trauma stuff (as the T isn't trained in that).
Hopefully, these symptoms won't act up too much, but I have a bad feeling they will. Fast approaching is the anniversary of a serious suicide attempt, and I think I'll be getting especially vulnerable around that time. Wish me luck?
