Highs And Lows Do You Get Them ?

[Sammyiam]

I have been having huge problems with being high then low, one part of the day I feel ok then within minutes start to feel myself slowly slipping back and end up low. I have asked my psychologist several times if I could be Bi Polar but she says no. She says it's the disassociation but I just can not see how that would affect it.

I really just want to feel level and not really high or really low like everyone hates me and I've done everything wrong and are just such a bad horrible person. I just want to be someone else some times and just not me. Do any of you feel this ?

 

[Bickslow]

Yes. Immensely. It can be several times in an hour, it just happens. And it always seems horrible timed and comes with no provocation.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Sounds familiar. In my case the highs and lows are more closely related to borderline, I think. But it's just a thought.

There's stuff you can do to keep track of your highs and your lows. Write it down. I consider in my highs and my lows whether it's full moon, whether I have PMS, whether I've eaten enough (eating badly makes me nervous), whether I've had coffee (stopped drinking coffee altogether) and what season it is. It's handy to keep a diary anyway, and observe how you feel every day, because you'll learn to get more insight in the pattern of your emotions. You can even make a graph (there are diary graphs that will make a graph for you).

Also comes in handy to remember that your highs and lows may affect your thinking but they are not part of who you are. Once you know that, it's easier to observe them. For example, you'll think "everybody hates me". On a specific day. And then: "wait a moment!" and you recognize that it's the low talking. That way, you can neutralize it a bit.

 

[macbeth]

I have to admit that my moods can change in a heartbeat and I hate. I can be doing well and all of a sudden something can trigger panic like a visual cue or an intrusive thought etc. I think it's very common for those with PTSD.

 

[Jane.l]

I hate it have it all the time !!! I never know how I am going to be from one moment to the next .

I also have changing moods as in what matters, what I want to do, what I enjoy one week I hate the next, everything changes I feel I don't have a clue who I am and even that could be different tomorrow !

I find it really hard to explain it to my T and I don't think he understands how difficult it is to live with.

 

[Tanishq]

I don't get mood swings. I sometimes feel lack of energy in body and then cancel the tasks I have taken. I think that is due to not proper eating. Like I got drained so fast somehow.

Yes, understandable mood swings can disrupt your rhythm and make you wonder constantly. Just trying to see from different perspective.

 

[Chava]

My moods can shift quickly too, especially when things aren't going well (can go from totally fine to extremely sad and dejected and hopeless within a few hours). From my understanding of bipolar, mood shifts usually happen over longer periods of time, vs hours or several changes within a day. I wouldn't know if dissociation causes your stuff or mine, but I do feel I can shift from feeling okay and "present" to feeling pretty detached (and sometimes like stuck in a time warp of all time rolled together...can either numb out or feel overwhelmed)...and those moods are probably not quite flashbacks, but strongly connected to really old feelings or trauma stuck in my body. Sometimes I'm triggered easily, or by something I don't even understand, and my mood really drops or becomes panic. If the feelings are more than I can tolerate I disconnect or feel pretty depersonalized, or like I'm not actually situated within my life.

 

[Underdog]

Oh yeah, for sure I get like this. As others have said it usually hits at the worst possible time. I never really saw it as dissassociation before though, just that something subconsciously happened without me being aware and I went from feeling good about myself and that I could get a lot done, to the polar opposite of that and unable to concentrate or think clearly.

Yesterday was a good example for me. I look forward to Orchid Society meetings because of my hobby interest with them and I really like the interactions from those people. I spent most of the day piecing together a short video, but for some reason I couldn't get the narration to load to Google Drive so I could get it into my editing software and firm up the timeline. After many unsuccessful hours, I just couldn't think straight anymore. I started getting upset, jumpy (scared when one of my dogs gently walked into the room), and really down on myself so I went to bed. When it was time for the meeting, I kept forgetting everything I needed to take, found myself jittery the whole night and then just wanting to run away as fast as I could when it was all over. Then I couldn't fall asleep for hours later because I was so wound up.

Does that sound somewhat similar to what you are experiencing?

@Radise , what am amazing idea!!! I will have to consider the journal. Sounds like that might really be a useful tool!

 

[Leigh925]

Yes. I have only been up for a couple of hours and already been up and down several times. I could have written your post. It is so frustrating. Seems to be worse when I am not busy. I do think mine is connected with dissociation as well. Also if I let myself get too hungry or too tired it is worse but I also associate those feelings with some of the abuse and neglect I endured. My mother was BiPolar and so I have asked many times if any of my providers think this is the issue. They all say no. I guess it doesn't matter but I desperately look forward to the day when I level out because I hate it.

 

[greenleaf]

I don't know if the cause of what you're experiencing will match this, @Sammyiam ... I experience very similar things at times though.

What helped me is reading some about secondary structural dissociation. Some of us have sort of varyingly complete mental "pockets" from earlier life contexts that got frozen in there because we could not deal with them at the time and survive (or so some deep unconscious part of our brains 'thought'.) A deep mental part of us is motivated to resolve the feelings in there; it's taking us energy to keep the separation, but integration still feels dangerous to that part.

A description of my current approach... (Based on what I'm learning from a good trauma therapist, which I really highly recommend; "grounding" skills and support are so crucial!!!)

One way our brains can deal, is letting the "bubble" from a "pocket" come over into our normal everyday lives a bit. Just a bit! A nice, safe, little bit. For me, it can feel like an overlay, where I'm sort of multitasking; other times, the emotions feel like they are the only reality, but I still (can try to) cognitively remember that I just had felt better 10 minutes ago, and yes this must be one of those pockets, what is it though??? Figuring out the context and what the problem was is really hard, it's so out of my current context. A lot of snippets are sort of side parts to old contexts, I'd even squashed connections to those -- like what the old basement looked like. Then I might need to work on grounding, as I still need to function and survive in the "real world"...

The emotions in the "bubble" are extremely different for me than my current context emotions, and the part of my mind that "wants" me to deal with the stuff as "it" feels I am able isn't really the conscious "me", thus the weird and fast changes in emotional states. However it's currently only happening over a basic feeling of increased safety for me. Much better than my old life, where the world really did feel largely unsafe at times.

Anger at myself was an old coping mechanism, and comes up with some "pocket" stuff. The "pockets" have whole old ways of being in them, but I'm still also in the present, which is important to keep for integration into the present.

Emotions in a "bubble" feel different than current ones for me; there is sort of a vague feeling of stale air with the emotions for me. Hard to describe.

If this resonates at all -- be good to yourself, work on feeling safe and grounding skills... integrating these feelings and memories is very good for you long term, and I feel "lighter" afterwards. Plus areas of tight muscles get a little better for me at times afterward.

 

[risingsun]

I'm usually going through the motions trying to stay sane. But when I get upset, I can fall into a massive clinical depression quite quickly and go into the land of suicidal ideation as well. I've been diagnosed with clinical depression on top of PTSD. Not bipolar because I don't really have the highs but I definately can sink pretty fast and have to catch myself. I just want to feel level as well all the time with no massive depression and no PTSD. I have to remind myself everyday that I will get there, that I can do this, that I can recover. I hope the same for all on this forum. Warmest, Rising.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

are you *really* going from REALLY high to REALLY low? as in manic high to depressed low? I question because there is a big misnomer with bipolar to think that it means any type of mood swing under the sun. No, it doesn't. I have never been manic, and I have only been hypomanic under the influence of psychiatric medication. However, ignorant people still like to say I act bipolar because my anxiety and obsessiveness can take me down in a heartbeat and I can have bad mood swings. I have heard that dissociation can cause swings in mood, but I don't personally know about that.