Hoarding. It's Freaking Me Out

[Neverthesame]

A few years back, an ex-girlfriend asked me to help her and a few of her other relatives clean out her uncle's flat (apartment). I remember it was such a mess. Trash piled everywhere. All the man had left for space was a narrow path that ran between the kitchen, toilet, sofa and bed. That was the one and only time I met that man. He seemed nice enough. Maybe just because he had company. I do remember feeling that were I in his shoes, I would be unbelievably embarrassed having to be cleaned up after like that. I also remember the look of relief on his face when we had finished. He could move in his own home again.

 

[TeaLeaf]

My mom was/is a hoarder. She is still in denial about her illness and has a number of other psychiatric illnesses. When I was growing up, I would beg her to clean the house, it was so embarrassing, piles of papers, trash, all sorts of other crap and of yucky pests that flock to such a mess. She would always respond with if people were coming over, they shouldn't judge you for your house which I get the idea of but it was taken way too far. Her house was something out of the show "Hoarders", about 1/3 of the rooms in my mothers small house are completely closed off by crap and the rest have stacks of crap piled up, some parts of the house are just a little trail to get from one place to the next. On the few occasions I or someone in my family cleaned up some of the mess, it was swearing, yelling and abuse for days about how selfish we were.

My mother was reported to the county on at least one occasion, I was sure her house would be condemned because it was as bad or worse as some houses I saw on "hoarders". They weren't able to do anything except offer help (which she didn't take) because the county we live in has a very high bar for condemning a house, basically, there has to be an imminent fire hazard or structural hazard for them to take that step. I was really disappointed.

Littleflower - it is really frustrating dealing with a hoarder or those that enable them. The reality of the mess is obvious to everyone except them and they will do whatever it takes to maintain control of the crazy mess. I hope you find some comfort in knowing that you are not alone in this.

 

[Little Flower]

Thank u tea leaf My sister is in an adult living home where they cook for her clean her room and wash her clothes and she can't wait to move out so she can do what she wants. She has had part of her foot amputated so her mobility is worst than it was. I don't know how she would function with my parents to fall back on. She had so much potential being the first person in our family to go to college. And she can play the piano by ear. No need for sheet music Now she is isolated and apart from my brother n myself. He visits. I don't Its been over a year since they were all hospitalized and she hasn't thanked me for cleaning up her mess. I just wish things could be different for her. It's and continues to freak me out

 

[StarChild]

When they all went to the hospital with MRSA staph inf

One doesn't get MRSA from hoarding! It doesn't come "out of the blue". Sorry, but to me, this statement sounds a bit like a headline of a rag paper... There must have been other correlations.

I put four bug bombs in the apt. When I came back the floor was carpeted in roaches They were even in my parents beds Omg I can't write about it anymore right now

Yuck! :wideeyed::wtf: This is truly disgusting! And I really understand well, that it must have been horrible for you do deal with it.

I had to clean out the mess.

and she hasn't thanked me for cleaning up her mess.

@Little Flower, I learned somewhere in my life, that I don't "have to" do things that are expected from me, or that simply are kind of leftovers for someone to do. A simple "No, I don't do this, deal with it yourself, end of discussion!" often works wonders. And: Of course I don't know your sister, but could it be, that she might be to embarrassed, to thank you, for cleaning and dealing with such disgusting environment(s)?

He visits. I don't Its been over a year

I understand, why you don't have the desire to visit her. This seems to be a good sign, that you at least learned to take care of your yourself and your own needs. So if she'll ever gets a new home, please don't feel obliged, to start again to clean up after her.

Sending a bunch of (clean) hugs your way. :hug::hug:

 

[Little Flower]

Thank you. I know better now. I didnt have to help them at all. But I did do it and its like a thorn in my side. I am a fixer. Therapy had helped me so much. I went from taking on everyone's problems to taking time off to put my life together after years of caregiving. Esp to the ungrateful. I was expecting something from they were unable to give They made their choices in life
Not me. That's so hard for me to accept the reality of. I can't run someone else's life. And I refused to be codependent.

 

[Little Flower]

Ps. Thanks for the clean hugs. Here a bunch for u :hug:

 

[Little Flower]

i realize that hoarding does cause MRSA The reason they got MRSA was my sister walked around barefoot for 5+ years with her feet bleeding. Blood was all over the floors. She got a huge infection which she spread to my parents.

 

[Little Flower]

Does not cause*

 

[Little Flower]

I think I don't know my sister too. Her situation is so frightening to me I can't deal with it