Hi everyone! I have a great deal of anxiety about making this thread. However, I am hoping to get some responses that will help me put this issue to rest. Here goes.
Honor thy father and mother is a commandment from God. I have so much guilt over my relationship with my parents. My parents were my abusers throughout my childhood into teenage years. When I tried to talk to them about it several years ago, they disowned me and said I wasn't their daughter.
Then, after a couple weeks, I started getting angry, abusive letters accusing me of all kinds of things and telling me what a horrible person I was. Although I never said anything about pressing charges, my dad assumed I would sue him. He made threats that he would sue me and my T. He pressed me for her name several times.
I kept to the facts, didn't get emotional with them, although inside I was torn apart. I thought my sister would stand with me - because she was abused too, but she chose to stay in denial. When I didn't cave from the pressure, my parents said they wanted me back.
I was terrified of how far they would go to stay in denial and protect their reputation.
Over a 4 year period, I tried to keep contact with my mother and sister. I was dealing with flashbacks and memories so much, that I couldn't deal with my dad and how he had treated me.
During this time it was rare for anyone to ask how I was doing. If they did, I knew if I told my mother or sister anything that it would be turned against me into more guilt. They also frequently wanted me to talk to my dad, and they put a lot of pressure on me to do so.
For my own sanity and health, I said I couldn't do it anymore, so I broke off all contact. About 4 years later, my mother passed away. No one told me until 3 months after her death. My sister, ever eager to turn the screws, said that mom wanted me to be there but was afraid to call. She was afraid I wouldn't make the trip to see her.
I don't know if I could have made the trip. I had no emotional support from anyone during this time except for my T. But I know I would have talked to her on the phone. What would have been wrong with talking to her on the phone?
Anyway, a lot of Christians believe that Honor Thy Father and Mother means to do what they want - even if it isn't in your best interests. Have I sinned? I never called them names - never in my life - I never raged. While I lived under their roof I did what I was told, I never made waves. I tried to be invisible.
Lastly, I talked a pastoral counselor years ago. She said that being a good person honors them. That not following in their abusive footsteps honors them. Is it possible to honor your parents even when they don't feel honored?
I would be so grateful for any thoughts on this. I can't seem to stop feeling so confused and sad about this. I lost my whole family the day I talked to my parents. I should have known they would react the way they did. It was my worst fear - that they would disown me. I guess that my just thinking that meant that deep down I knew it could happen.
I have never been good at making friends, and losing my family has been so hard. I feel sometimes that my decision to break it off and everyone around me telling me I was doing the wrong thing means that I am wrong. That I really am the bad person here.
My husband believes that I made the only choice I could. I just don't know. I go over and over it in my mind, and I just can't see how I could have done different, but at the same time my choice doesn't seem Christian or acceptable.
Honor thy father and mother is a commandment from God. I have so much guilt over my relationship with my parents. My parents were my abusers throughout my childhood into teenage years. When I tried to talk to them about it several years ago, they disowned me and said I wasn't their daughter.
Then, after a couple weeks, I started getting angry, abusive letters accusing me of all kinds of things and telling me what a horrible person I was. Although I never said anything about pressing charges, my dad assumed I would sue him. He made threats that he would sue me and my T. He pressed me for her name several times.
I kept to the facts, didn't get emotional with them, although inside I was torn apart. I thought my sister would stand with me - because she was abused too, but she chose to stay in denial. When I didn't cave from the pressure, my parents said they wanted me back.
I was terrified of how far they would go to stay in denial and protect their reputation.
Over a 4 year period, I tried to keep contact with my mother and sister. I was dealing with flashbacks and memories so much, that I couldn't deal with my dad and how he had treated me.
During this time it was rare for anyone to ask how I was doing. If they did, I knew if I told my mother or sister anything that it would be turned against me into more guilt. They also frequently wanted me to talk to my dad, and they put a lot of pressure on me to do so.
For my own sanity and health, I said I couldn't do it anymore, so I broke off all contact. About 4 years later, my mother passed away. No one told me until 3 months after her death. My sister, ever eager to turn the screws, said that mom wanted me to be there but was afraid to call. She was afraid I wouldn't make the trip to see her.
I don't know if I could have made the trip. I had no emotional support from anyone during this time except for my T. But I know I would have talked to her on the phone. What would have been wrong with talking to her on the phone?
Anyway, a lot of Christians believe that Honor Thy Father and Mother means to do what they want - even if it isn't in your best interests. Have I sinned? I never called them names - never in my life - I never raged. While I lived under their roof I did what I was told, I never made waves. I tried to be invisible.
Lastly, I talked a pastoral counselor years ago. She said that being a good person honors them. That not following in their abusive footsteps honors them. Is it possible to honor your parents even when they don't feel honored?
I would be so grateful for any thoughts on this. I can't seem to stop feeling so confused and sad about this. I lost my whole family the day I talked to my parents. I should have known they would react the way they did. It was my worst fear - that they would disown me. I guess that my just thinking that meant that deep down I knew it could happen.
I have never been good at making friends, and losing my family has been so hard. I feel sometimes that my decision to break it off and everyone around me telling me I was doing the wrong thing means that I am wrong. That I really am the bad person here.
My husband believes that I made the only choice I could. I just don't know. I go over and over it in my mind, and I just can't see how I could have done different, but at the same time my choice doesn't seem Christian or acceptable.
