Honor Thy Father And Mother...

[The Albatross]

"Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you." ~ Deuteronomy 31:6

"I promise you what I promised Moses: ‘Wherever you set foot, you will be on land I have given you ... No one will be able to stand against you as long as you live. For I will be with you as I was with Moses. I will not fail you or abandon you." ~ Joshua 1:3-9

"David also said to Solomon his son, "Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the LORD is finished. " ~ 1 Chronicles 28:20

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." ~ Isaiah 41:10

"Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed; Neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame; For you will forget the shame of your youth... " ~ Isaiah 54:4

"For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father." ~ Romans 8:15

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body." ~ 2 Corinthians 4:7-11

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline." ~ 2 Timothy 1:7

 

[TSG]

I struggled with this too, as I am a Christian. I think that if you honor something, you don't try and make it look bad. I guess I honor parents I don't respect (but no longer hate) by not trashing them with my talk or disrespecting them while talking to them or about them. I guess that's how I cope with the honoring those who betrayed their sacred trust from God in not abusing their child. I pity them, now, instead of hating them. Sick people do what they did. I think that turning hate to honor and stepping toward forgiving them is also honor...at least I am hoping that God sees it that way.

 

[sea]

For me, to honor someone is just to see them for who and what they are without judgment.

For me, this process mostly involves humanizing people and making them three dimensional, and then accepting that is the way they are. You can distance yourself from others while still honoring them. This includes your parents.

For me, honor and respect are pretty synonymous. You can respect a person's intrinsic right to life and freedom as a sentient being without having to like them, appreciate them, agree with them, or want anything to do with them.

You can't succeed 100% of the time but I guess that's why we're not gods. Nobody can be perfect.

 

[Eleanor]

Any thoughts on why these clergy thought I was doing wrong? I really felt like the bad guy when I talked to them, and then when everything ended so poorly with my family, I felt like I had gone against God. I felt like I should have listened to these clergy and kept my mouth shut.

Any rationale you can offer to help me get them out of my head?

Nice references Alby! And God knew what he was doing when he made the first commandments all about warning us away from idolatry and toward the divine. Can't say with any certainty, but speculating: the other clergy were most likely either projecting their own experience on yours (and so making themselves God in a small way) or had elevated some instrumental value (family stability? keeping up appearances?) above the core values of love and truth. When we do these things we can create little splinters of hell for ourselves... and it certainly sounds like your family of origin was one of those.:cry: Why do you care what those other guys said, anyway?

Unhappily, having letters or certification after your name is no guarantee of wisdom, compassion, or even honesty.:(

oops, now I see there is another page... well, I'll be brave and post this anyway...

 

[Daisygirl]

Thanks Eleanor. I guess when I made my decision to talk to my family I did it for the right reasons. I remember that speaking the truth and approaching them from a place of love, not anger was very important. I think I did that as best as I could. I've been reading this thread over and over today. I also read the thread you suggested about how abusers "groom" their victims. Very enlightening, frightening, and hit home.

I am starting to not just hear the words that my T, husband, and pastoral counselor have said, but also believe them. With so much input and validation that my thinking is not flawed from the forum members, that I was interpreting the Bible correctly, I am beginning to get a clearer concept of my reality and who God is and what He stands for.

Maybe I can finally allow myself to believe it's true. That like you said, my parents behaved in an unloving, controlling ways. Maybe with regular review of this thread I can finally have peace about this! It's a choice that I am making - to choose life, peace, love and truth.

 

[Eleanor]

Hallelujah Daisygirl! Hallelujah. It sounds so simple "the truth will set you free" and people talk about the "good news", but gosh darn it, it is not so simple or easy to get there and see that those words really Make Sense....:mad:

 

[Daisygirl]

I was thinking the same thing this morning. I made the best choice in regards to my parents years ago, but I couldn't see that and believe it until now. :)

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Hi, I just read the whole thing. Thanks for bringing this topic up. It was a really good discussion. I got alot out of it. The real truth is so refreshing. It boggles my mind. I am glad to be learning these things now. I really needed to read this today. Thanks again.

 

[Eleanor]

Just found this: it shed an interesting light on the topic of spiritual abuse...

“We are all capable of becoming fundamentalists because we get addicted to other people's wrongness.”
― Pema Chödrön

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[HëllaBubz]

'the truth will set you free'.....for me I have discovered that this means that my understanding and my clarity of what happened with my parents is what mattered, not whether I let everyone else know.

That doesn't mean such horrors should be hidden, but for me, I love them when they are loving, and withdraw until they stop hurting me when we argue.

For me, I learned that I hurt myself when I tried to gain support and public condemnation for what had happened, so after a while, I have explored, and very VERY slowly come to terms with what happened.

Thinking over what happened will never ever heal you, only poison you.

Identify the poison, and find the antidote that is right for you, then you will be able to heal.

xox

 

[Philippa]

I guess I have trouble believing in "commandments" that were written ages ago by men...not God...men!

I think of the Bible as a good compass for life, a guide, but I definitely don't believe that honoring your father and mother means you have to put up with abuse of any sort. It seems like people back then just threw values in there that benefitted the parents and not the children.

Basically it has the underlying message that your parents are more important than you are, and that it's more important to pretend they are not doing what they are doing then it is to acknowledge what is really going on and how it is affecting you.

To that I give the Big Middle Finger! To me it is the law of the jungle that you must EARN peoples respect, and trust, and it's not a given. Just because they are your parents, does not mean you owe them respect or trust if they are behaving in ways which aren't trustworthy or respectful of you.

Having said all that though, I still have trouble not feeling bad for pushing them away, and seemingly destroyed the family, according to my brother. To me though, it hasn't been a family for a long time, I'm just the only one willing to admit it.


I like what you said Bubzilla. I love them when they are loving, and withdraw from them when they hurt me. That pretty much sums it up for me too.

Breeding children to be mild and meek and timid, is pretty much the same as preening them to be victims...so whoever wrote the ten commandments, may have been an abusive asshole for all we know...and generations of people have followed that persons value system without questioning it.

The way Christianity has been warped by people and everything you do is an invitation to feel guilty, and live in fear...it just doesn't seem that is what a loving God would want for 'His' children...if you really think about it.

 

[HëllaBubz]

people's warped interpretation make assholes.....:mad: