Hope I'll be the last diary I'll ever write

[Givrali]

My sleep habits are shit at the moment. Also enemy resident is already complaining about something very loudly

 

[Givrali]

I slept about 10 hours in 3 or 4 parts since 15 hours ago

 

[Givrali]

Feeling better

 

[Givrali]

Well not in terms of stopping to hate myself

 

[Givrali]

Busy flash-backing

 

[Givrali]

Expected symptoms of flash-backing
Distress
Physical memories
Sex like sensations
Having trouble thinking

First time symptom
Wanting to vomit

 

[Givrali]

so I got triggered by being alone with someone who sexualy abused me and now I'm feeling better I look for rape fics, i possible incest rape fic.... Why I'm so bad at taking care of myself ? Really

 

[joeylittle]

now I'm feeling better I look for rape fics, i possible incest rape fic.... Why I'm so bad at taking care of myself ? Really

Honestly, it's not that unusual to do this. I think people do it for many different reasons, and I'm not even sure it's always unhealthy.

BUT - if you find you feel compelled to look up that stuff, or that you can't stop doing it even when you want to stop? That's when it's shifted into something that's unhelpful, likely connected to rumination. Try and not be too hard on yourself about it, but do think about shifting to a healthy distraction to help curtail the behavior.

 

[Givrali]

Honestly, it's not that unusual to do this. I think people do it for many different reasons, and I'm not even sure it's always unhealthy.

BUT - if you find you feel compelled to look up that stuff, or that you can't stop doing it even when you want to stop? That's when it's shifted into something that's unhelpful, likely connected to rumination. Try and not be too hard on yourself about it, but do think about shifting to a healthy distraction to help curtail the behavior.

I'll study the reason behind last night choice .
Since I also try to write about an uncle taking pleasure to rape his nephew like in a calculated planning way to break him. I dreamed about my text more or less. But that can be interpreted as my brain still trying to complete the extra scene (won't be in published story).
Anyway I was the victim as always and it's never pleasant

 

[Givrali]

At least the good point of the fic I read is the rape part is only in memories form and story is more about dealing with the fallout if it

 

[Givrali]

Busy having fun with my writing

 

[Givrali]

Busy to try not yelling insults at this now famous resident