Hope I'll be the last diary I'll ever write

[Givrali]

I heard things I first didn't connect with her and her family and just thought: good I never was close of my uncle

 

[Givrali]

Her dad has a reputation to be mean and sociopathic like in my family. I learned few years ago he raped my mother who was his twin sister

 

[Givrali]

By my grand mother i heard his brother mistreated her to the point she dropped school because she couldn't hold more herself

 

[Givrali]

I really interacted with her about 10 years ago and stupidly was thinking she was close to my childhood friend cousin because they were interacting together. I learned later they badly go with each other.

 

[Givrali]

About three years ago my cousin took the initiative to come to me because after his divorce her father started dating some other woman who happened to die in a soudain and unexpected death. A blood vessel in her head collapsed something like that.

Her father was badly affected by his girlfriend death but my cousin wasn't close to her. But the death made her want to connect to me before too late she did it as soon she could.

 

[Givrali]

I knew by my grand mother she was having got through abuse by her brother (yes similarities) but developed full life imparing eating disorder. I realized soon she also was having bipolar kind schizoaffective disorder and ptsd

 

[Givrali]

I first befriend her because I was feeling lonely being rejected by our common cousin and living far from my friends. Then because I was so used to study mental health disorder it was just so familiar to me to talk about them

 

[Givrali]

I really loved her. I immediately did my best to support her like I'm used to do in internet and guessing by her saying and her behavior she barley got support in her life. I somewhere got her Instagram and immediately told her I was following her and which pseudo I was using to following her. I noticed she never got the habit to directly inform her close people about worries problems and how she was really feeling. I told her several time I was willing to listen to her if she wanted to but in more than one year of being her friend I always learned how she was doing by her Instagram rather than by her

 

[Givrali]

Recently I learned she was considering getting to hospital by her Instagram. I told her I wanted to be informed if she go there because the last time she was hospitalized I learnt it by meeting her directly at hospital after she apptempt suicide.

 

[Givrali]

She both want to never talk about what she's dealing with and what she suffered from her brother and accepting to talk about it if I talk about my own issues. Sometimes I'm afraid I'm forcing her to talk because I know talking about me will make her talk about her

 

[Givrali]

Sometimes I directly ask her how she's dealing at the moment and she always is honest with me. If she resist talking I would immediately said her she doesn't have to and do my best the make sure she won't force herself

 

[Givrali]

I judge her ptsd is worse than mine. She also had addictions but took care of them by the time we meet but she doesn't feel right with her therapist and her health support about eating disorder seemed to have gave up on her. She is about 25 !

I suggested her to find a therapist she feels better with gave her an internet link to find a therapist who has the right formation for her and she would decide which try. She barely took a look before stopping and told me she preferred keep one she knows. I offered her my help to look again the list with her to go with her until the waiting room and staying here in case she wants me in. She refused.