Hope I'll be the last diary I'll ever write

Givrali

MyPTSD Pro
I don't know if my body will Crack before my mind or the opposite. People keep tell me to keep go to occupational therapy but I just can't because how horribly exhausted I am. My therapist was very worried about my level of exhaustion lately. I hate myself so I try to do both at the same time somehow.
 

Givrali

MyPTSD Pro
It sounds like occupational therapy is doing more harm to you at the moment. Can you come back to it at a later date when you're not so exhausted?
My referent at it keep telling me I need to go to it for some reason. My group home ex referent c. Told me I need a structured time to feel good. I deeply afraid of the consequences if I don't go to it because it used to be deathly dangerous for me to not do whatever people around me to do.

Not dangerous in a "you'll die" way or in a "you'll get hurt" ways but in a "can I survive if this people are unhappy about me ? I wouldn't be able to deal with daily life if they stop helping me" way
 

Givrali

MyPTSD Pro
I know I don't really value my well-being. Feeling good and rested is outside my childhood experience so it doesn't feel like something that is supposed to happen

I HAVE TO do things. My comfort isn't a priority even if sometimes I rebel and make it pass before anything else
 

Givrali

MyPTSD Pro
To add insult to injury, if I'm too calm my mind Crack and I feel more in danger than any other time. Meditation and calming myself too much is dangerous to my mind I have to keep myself busy
 
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