Hope I'll be the last diary I'll ever write

[Givrali]

I read a mind crushing fanfiction about Viktor where he's basically a slave that Jayce bought to save him. Viktor can't accept Jayce only taking care and working with him as an equal so one time Jayce woke up from a nightamare Viktor proposed him to have sex with him as payement for everthing Jayce did for him and Jayce was horrified to hear that.

It took me time to undertstant why I felt so bad after reading this but I think it's not too different what I did for my brother. I wasn't getting a lot of confort and affection during my childhood and even later and he proposed to massages and I loved so much being touched I couldn't ever resist at first when he started taking avantage of me by touching me places a brother should never touch his sister. I was so desperate to be touched I was only pleading to only have my shoulders massaged but every single time it went from normal family massage to sexual aggression. But I was carving touch so much I kept spending time with him in the sofa at night and let me abuse me. One day he made a mistake by oiling me which made massage itself terrible because I'm very sensitve about smells. Since then I never stay late alone with him. I alway avoid being alone with him even in daytime

 

[Givrali]

you did what you had to do to survive