Hormones Or Ptsd?

[Casey_03]

As some of you may recall, I've been dealing with a pregnancy and harassment from the baby's father. I basically blocked this person wherever I could, but he is still able to email me. After about a week of severe bullying, which nearly prompted me to call the police, he seemed to have calmed down, started sending me civilized, caring emails simply asking how i was feeling, etc. But it didn't take long for the mask to come off. Yesterday, once again, he started with the bullying, sent me messages telling me how all my friends think i'll be an unfit mother; he even included direct quotes of my roommate and other friends to prove how much everyone hates me and how everyone thinks i'll be a crap mother. After this, I spent several hours sobbing in my bathtub and contemplating suicide (i wasn't serious about that, but it was comforting to think about; it gave me a sense of some control). Hearing verbal abuse from him is one thing, but being told that basically, everyone is against me and no one supports me .... while i'm pregnant and vulnerable ... I don't know how to deal with this. I now will not leave my house. I do not want to come in contact with any other human beings, ever. I am safer if I am completely alone. The roommate who supposedly said I was unfit for motherhood -- I want to throw him out (he's away on a business trip right now). Because quite frankly, I can't afford to be surrounded by negativity right now. I need support, and I can't have my so-called friends going around talking badly about me and giving my abuser fuel to taunt me. I have no one here. I want to curl up into a ball and hibernate in a dark closet for weeks. I want nothing to do with the human race and if I can avoid human contact, that seems safer. People are vile, evil creatures and the fact that my so-called friends can gang up on me while I'm pregnant and scared leaves me no hope for ever having future friendships. Maybe I am overreacting; maybe this is partly the hormones. I have no idea.

 

[anthony]

You can block his email... thus removing that source of abuse from your life.

 

[Casey_03]

I can't on my work email. I guess I will just have to learn to stop opening his letters.

 

[anthony]

Yes, you can. It doesn't matter how your work email is handled, if you receive abusive emails, that address (and all further ones) can be blocked. Just ask your tech admin to do so for x email address, and they will. I can block email at this site, sending or receiving, I can block it anywhere that I have access to control. It can be done... have you asked your work to block it?

 

[Jenn-f]

Please don't listen to him, my abusive ex told me it was a good thing I lost my baby with him as I'll be a bad Mum & everybody thinks that, it's just another way of getting at you. Is it your first? If so how would he know you would be unfit? If he keeps emailing you maybe set up a new email? I felt for you the moment I read this, be strong it's hard to not believe the bad things they say but don't believe any of it! (Maybe mark his emails as junk that's an idea)

 

[Queen Boudica]

Can you get your work to block it?

So sorry you are going through this. Don't listen to a thing this guy says, he will do anything to bring you down. How do you know they are direct quotes, because he has told you? I personally would not believe anything this guy says. He is an abuser. Look my ex, lies all time. Only believe if you have solid proof. I now know all the twists and turns my ex does, to confuse and play on your vulnerabilities. This guy knows you are vulnerable. I would ask your friends and tell them what he is doing. I bet you find he has lied.

And don't fall into the cycle of him being nice. That is part of it. Be nice, to draw you in again, so they can play their game. It is all about control and power, and knocking you down, so you think you are useless and they are the only person who will put up with you. Hence telling you your friends are saying such and such about you. Check it out, and even if they were saying that, they wouldn't be worth having as friends and he has done you a favour. I suspect all your friends are not ganging up on you at all, he is making it up. Go to your friends, show the abusive messages he is sending, show what he has written about them.

When you have your baby, you will find, you will meet new friends, mother's groups, playgroups, preschool etc. And you will have a beautiful baby, to care for. What this imbecile says or does, is about him and his need to control and the only way he can is be abusive. Pathetic. You are far stronger than him. Please don't believe anything he says. Don't let him bring you down. I know that is hard, but it is all about him. He is the one who is unfit to be a father.

Be careful he doesn't use the baby to draw you in. It is a cycle, just because they are nice to you sometimes, does not mean you forgive them and let them in.

And a baby does not need an abusive father around. If anyone tries to persuade you, to get back with him because it is better for the baby, that is totally wrong. Children suffer trauma, from witnessing domestic violence and verbal abuse. it affects all areas of their development. If he puts you down, a girl will watch that and think it is just normal. A boy will probably mimic his father.

 

[Ellabella44]

Yep its a control game. My father did this and one of my ex boyfriends. As a kid in that situation, not a way to grow up. And I stupidly took the ex boyfriend back. I know they can be all sweet and suck you back in.

Hoping someone who won't do this and feels you are worth everything finds you.

 

[Changing4Best]

I have not read everyone's replies to you, so this may have been said already, but from my studies on human behavior and to some degree my own experience, evil people with generalize on something that ONE PERSON SAID and blow it way out of proportion and make it sound as if the whole world is against you.

Speak to your roommate and try to find out if he said any of those things. Tell him that your ex told you he said those things, and see how he reacts. It may well be that your ex, in some kind of jealousy or hatred or both, has made up these things and they are not even what your roommate said at all! When you tell this to your roommate, try not to act upset or even believing that he said these things to your ex. Note his reactions and see if they seem real if he denies having said all that. He may have said some of it, or someone else may have said it, and your ex wants to protect that person's identity from you, thus saying that your roommate said it instead. Hearsay is an awful thing, because the exact words that were said can often be changed or exaggerated. Be careful with all this. You need to protect yourself and your baby!

 

[a3a2]

Hi, Casey,

You are in a pretty tough spot, but it also sounds as if you are handling it very well. You have done your best to protect yourself and the baby from your x's negativity. With advice from Anthony and others, you can do even more. You have a job, are taking care of yourself and the baby...sounds like all the makings of a good mom.

Being a single mom is hard. Please check out all avenues for help. Not sure where you live, but in the US there are crisis pregnancy centers ready to give a lot of help to expectant and single (and married) moms. Free cribs, diapers, maternity clothes, formula, legal help, mentors, ultra sounds, and more. You will benefit from the support, and it can help ensure your success as a mom.

Please remember being a good mom doesn't mean giving your kid all the latest stuff, but love and a safe place to learn and grow. One of the best pieces of advice I received as a new parent was "remember, the greatest baby in the world was born in a barn".

X, roommate, "friends" can say what they want about what kind of a mom you'll be...but, how the hell would they know? Being a mom is a learning and growing experience. You'll make mistakes. We all do. But just the fact that you care about being a good mom is a HUGE step toward being one!

 

[shimmerz]

I now will not leave my house. I do not want to come in contact with any other human beings, ever. I am safer if I am completely alone.

This is a big mistake. Especially when an abuser is focused on you. People are actually your friends. Abusers like to see their victims singled out and alone. That way there are no witnesses to what they are doing to you.

The thing that will scare him off the most is people knowing what he is doing to you. Also, if you have not got in writing yet that you do NOT want him contacting you at all in the future, please do so. That way you can go to the authorities if he bothers you at all. Keep in mind, once you have asked him not to contact you DO NOT, under any circumstances, contact him. No matter how much he tries to bait you.

This is serious.

 

[sun seeker]

I have no one here. I want to curl up into a ball and hibernate in a dark closet for weeks. I want nothing to do with the human race and if I can avoid human contact, that seems safer.

Casey, I am so sorry it is this hard. There is no good time to be feeling like this, but now least of all.

I agree with what everyone else has said, and won't reiterate it. I just wanted to add one thing. You can't avoid human contact now. You have another human being growing inside you. There are two of you now. You need to do whatever will be best for your baby, which at the moment, is whatever will help you feel safe and supported.

My daughter's father is a controlling, abusive, lying narcissist. When I was pregnant I somehow had the presence of mind to get away and come back home - which wasn't a great choice either, but it was better and what I had access to at the time. He talked me into going back, claiming we would "talk about it" and "work things out" when I got there. This was of course just to get me back, and working it out never amounted to anything. I went through hell and her start in life was compromised by the environment she was born into.

Now I think of it, there is one more thing I want to mention. I don't know what nationality the baby's father is, but you will need to look into the laws in Ukraine and whether if the baby is born there, you will need the father's permission to travel with the child. This gets into murky areas that others will be able to advise on better than me.

Anyway, I hear how vulnerable you are, and please, don't hide yourself away. Find out who your real friends are, and lean on them. The two of you need and deserve support.

 

[Powder]

I just think you are wonderful for blocking him out. That would be hard enough for me. Good work!