Hospital Has Triggered Me

[mytai]

So I haven't been feeling well the last two days. It hit me hard and fast yesterday. I thought initially it might be my kidneys flaring up but the doctors have ruled that ot (other than stones, which I have). Stones don't cause fever so they didn't know what was going on.

Last night at the hospital I was ok, other than dissociating multiple times. But they had me come back first thing this morning for an ultrasound. That was the first time I had a flashback, I had to put my arms over my head and that triggered me into a flashback about my abuser pinning me.

Then they hooked me up to an IV again and started me on fluids and pain medication. I had a dissociation episode. Then they sent me for another ultrasound, this time to check my appendix. I was fine until they mentioned about doing an internal ultrasound and I lost it. Crying, flashback, shaking. Scared the poor ultrasound student, she thought it was her fault. I finally managed to say why I was losing it and the students supervisor said that they wouldn't do it.

Now I'm having anxiety attacks lying in the hospital bed at the moment because they sent a surgeon down to see me. They might be sending me for surgery and I have no one here with me. I'm scared, nervous, and very anxious. I hate hospitals, I hate not being in control of my body.

Not coping well at all.

 

[HelenB]

So sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. I am glad you were able to talk about what was happening with you and really hope you can have further understanding from the staff and people caring for you and really know that in their hands you are now safe and they will be doing the best they can to help you an take away your pain.

God bless
Helen

 

[mytai]

Most of the nurses are great, except one. He keeps minimizing and dismissing my problems. He said ativan isn't necessary for the CT scan because it is so open. But every other nurse is exceptional.

 

[KP the nut]

(((mytai))), a hug if you accept them.

I'm sorry you are having a hard time. Is there any way you can listen to something on headphones. I carry my iPod with me. It has on it various playlists, an audiobook and best of all, a grounding exercise my old therapist recorded for me. Also, try and smell something nice, I love lemon essential oil or even perfume.

Wishing you well.

 

[keifer]

I feel for you. People can say all the nice things they want

I will not go to a hospital ever again in my life. I would describe it as horrific. I feel as I'm going to die, I have no control and they can do whatever they want without my consent. To top it off, they gave me amnesia against my will; no not ever again.

My prayers are with you. I'm sorry people dont understand and you have to alone is the worst part.

 

[Joan]

So sorry that you are having to go through this and that you are there alone. I have great difficulty at hospitals as well and find many things there very triggering. Sending thoughts your way. Keep stating your needs and standing up for yourself.

 

[mytai]

They are admitting me overnight. I just took a turn for the worse right now. The one nurse won't give me anything for my anxiety he said it isn't necessary. I'm freaking out. Emailing my T because I don't know what to do. I can't ground myself. And every time I ask what is happening no one answers me. They just defer the question.

 

[ButterflyBean]

Can you talk to someone in the psychiatry department? My PTSD diagnoses came from trauma in the hospital, so you are definitely not alone!

Another thought is to call your T; you are actually in a crisis, so doing so is perfectly acceptable!

I sincerely hope you are able to get your needs met and rest peacefully tonight! Wishes for healing, comfort, and strength!

~Holly

 

[HelenB]

Been thinking of you this morning and am sorry you are not being given answers to your questions, which must make it all so much harder. I am glad that most of the nurses are great and really hope that you can be heard and understood by all who are caring for you, including the one who does not seem to undersand at all. I also hope were able I get through to your therapist and that can be of help to you.

Praying for peace for you in the middle of it all and for you to really be able to find a safety in the midst of all that is going on.

God bless
Helen

 

[KP the nut]

Just to let you know I'm thinking of you.

In fact look at the replies, you have a whole world of people rooting for you and holding your hand.

 

[macca]

Wow, that's really tough. Hospital staff seem so good at withholding info, that's just so wrong. I bet the nurse withholding anxiety meds has never felt a fraction of what you are feeling. Hopefully your T can help. Hang in there mytai, my thoughts are with you too.

 

[mytai]

Still in the hospital. When I was moved up to a room my T told me to tell them that she is treating me for PTSD. I spoke to my nurse and told her I was really anxious and panicky about being hospitalized and asked if she could get some ativan ordered. She was great and said she would and also asked if she could do anything else for me.

The first night was bad with a capital B. Part of my body went numb in the middle of the night so my nurse and 3 doctors were in my room. I was fine until the one threatened to put a catheter in (which wasn't necessary because I was peeing fine on my own). I lost it, I was crying hysterically telling him no, my nurse was trying to calm me down by rubbing my back and talking quietly to me. They wanted me to go for a head CT because I was numb.

I have never dissociated so bad before, I don't remember being transferred from my bed to the transfer bed, I don't remember the travel to the CT, I don't remember them taking out my earrings, I remember them showing me they put them in a cup, I don't remember refusing to have the CT. It was really bad.

The next day I was triggered by the CT guy, who was a complete jerk, he was flushing my IV and it was hurting so I asked him to slow down and he kept saying no it doesn't hurt, so finally I yelled at him and said I told you it hurts so it hurts.

Was triggered again that same day when I told my nurse about jerky CT guy. So she tried to flush my line to see if it had slipped out or my vein had blown. She said they would have to take it out and try to put another one in which triggered me. Started to lose it again.

Going to be in here for a few more days because I have a bad case of pneumonia. Lots of triggers, because people have to touch me, I'm woken up every few hours for breathing treatments, PT has to pound on my side for 5 minutes everyday now to loosen up the gunk so I can cough it out.

Having a rough time here.