I voted horrible, as I have cut contact with most of my family...apart from one brother, but he is very close buddies with my father, and even though he has been very smart to stay out of our issues and not get involved, as dad would always make him the 'spy', he is remaining neutral, which makes me want to remain in contact with him, as he doesn't put any guilt trips on me or pressure for not having contact with them.
He doesn't understand, but he has at least shown me some decent humanity in the time I was going through hell, which is more than I can say for them. They did help me in that they gave me shelter, and I am grateful for that even though it would have been better if I had not moved back in with them when I did and undid all the good work I did with healing, causing more damage than I started with...it just wasn't the kind of help I was needing at the time. Emotional support is not their strong point.
I have no contact with my mother at all, and can't really be bothered with her. I know that sounds terrible, but honestly, she has shown me no care whatsoever in the last 15 years and been caught in her own narcisisstic crap for years now. I know she has projected a lot of her own crap onto me, and is knee deep in denial...but deep down she knows it's her, she just won't get any help for her issues, and she's too poisonous for me to be around waiting for her to.
I'm not her mother, she's MY mother...somehow she has that confused?? I have no more time for the emotional manipulations and silent treatments she punishes me with anymore. I have grown beyond all that, and she needs to as well...but she won't. She loves the power play, but I'm not falling for it anymore, so she can't be bothered with ME now! Meh...
It's never gonna happen...so I'm not going to fool myself into thinking things are going to change anymore. I've done that enough already and only copped more damage for it. Intellectually I knew this, but emotionally I wanted so much for her to get it, that I kept putting myself in harms way...but not anymore.
The way they've treated me has been collectively more damaging than the events that were traumatic, and they don't even know what they've done!!
I do want to try and have better relations with them, and have been working with a counselor towards this goal, but I'm like someone else how posted earlier...I don't exactly know why I'm bothering as I know deep down nothing is going to change because they aren't willing to look at themselves, and are content to live a lie.
I am not willing to do that, so there is no way I can have any kind of satisfying, healthy relationship with people who are basically nuts and don't know it! They think I'm the one with the issues. I have issues yes, but I at least deal with mine and face them.
I'm supposed to be going to Phuket with my brother in the next month or 2, and have been looking forward to it, but I've started to sense that he really resents me because I have cut all contact with dad and also because I am not stuck with the mortgage and money issues that he has dug for himself. Not sure how it's gonna pan out...he can be a real asshole when he wants to be...??
