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IBS How can i help him with ibs?

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@ghotiff: I am not sure if I really understand your comment because I am not sure if I know what a "body memory" is.

@The Albatross: Unfortunately my hubby does not really care about healthy nutrition. If you place something healthy in front of him he does usually eat it.

If he does not I have a little trick, I say "Oh, somebody has to eat that food or I will have to throw it away tomorrow. I just cooked too much". He does not like things being thrown away. He likes to make healthy foods less healthy. When I give him bran flakes he puts lots of lots of sugar on it until they are no longer healthy. I try to stop him from that but he just jokes around and makes me feel like a nag. I can understand he feels a little patronized and wants to make his own food choices... but than I cannot understand why he acts that idiotic. Doesn't he have the desire to feel good?
 
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@I'll make tea
They are difficult for me to explain, but I found this on the web and pasted it below.

"People with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) sometimes have "body memories" or what my therapist used to call "phantom pains." It's experiencing the physical sensations you experienced during the traumatic event, even though there is nothing physical causing that sensation now. For example, I once had a painful medical procedure performed with no pain medication. Now, more than a year later, I've long since recovered physically. However, sometimes my arms still hurt the way they did during that procedure."
 
You mean to say he does not really have belly trouble just feels like it?

My husband thinks he really does have diarrhea but it does not come out because he has constipation at the same time. I think at least the constipation is real.

When it is bad he takes a laxative so he can get the "diarrhea" out. Don't know if I am really in favour of that. i wish he would explore some other options like diet change, trying to relax first.
 
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My theory (which is not based on any medical qualification, just what I have seen) is that he might have both belly trouble and body memories...and he can get confused between the two, and maybe he has both at the same time. There is a big stress component to IBS (not for everyone I'm sure, but for many people). This means that when you get an attack of IBS, the fear and stress of the impending attack increases the IBS symptoms which increases fear/stress etc...so its like a barrel roll effect. The difficulty you have as a supporter is that most peoples approach to reducing another persons stress actually results in minimising their symptoms and/or feelings - which is not helpful and can make things worse.

I noticed on your other thread the bath suggestion. I think this is great. Good for muscle relaxation, and good for stress. Another tactic could be distraction....particularly when in the toilet. For example, if there is an audio book, music, book, TV program etc that he finds engages him in a calm way, having this playing while in the toilet may help keep the stress lower for him. It might also make him happier to sit there when constipated and not feel so frustrated.
 
The difficulty you have as a supporter is that most peoples approach to reducing another persons stress actually results in minimising their symptoms and/or feelings - which is not helpful and can make things worse.

Sorry. Again I am not sure if i understand what you are wanting to say.
 
Most peoples approach to reduce another persons stress (from what I have seen) is in verbal comments....eg telling the other person to 'calm down', 'don't be so stressed', 'there is nothing wrong', or the worst and least constructive comment... 'its all in your mind'. These comments may make him more alone/angry/upset which actually cause an increase in his stress levels. This is because these statements only serve to minimise/trivialise his symptoms and feelings (ie the message heard is that his symptoms are not that bad, and if he would just calm down then he would be fine).

Maybe however, if you help create an environment that is calming hopefully he will hear the message that you care, and you are trying to help however you can.
 
To be honest I sometimes tell hubby that it is all in his head.

For example his doctor suggested he should take an antidepressant because it would help him sleeping / with nightmares / lighten up a bit... but he grew afraid that it would "knock him out" and some burgler would invade our home and hurt me and the toddler... well and I tried to explain that this was pretty unrealistic a fear.

I also tell him he needs to relax a bit, he has lots of stress at his job... which is mostly "self-made" because he expects 110% perfection of himself.

He really has some funny fears. He tells me my trousers are to long and I might stumble over them while holding the boy and he might get hurt. He has a rule for almost everything - how everythings must be cleaned, how the laundry must be folded, how the shoelaces must be tied - honestly not making this up, he believes that there is a right and a wrong way to tie a shoe...

...and if you don't follow that rule it is close to catastrophe for him.

I want to be honest with him here. I tell him: "Honestly I think you do have OCD" because I do not want him to think his rules make sense, he admits he might be a little OCD but still strongly believes in his rules. So I tell him again that his rules make no sense.
 
You got me wrong. I did not want to say IBS is only in your head. I understand that it is real and in case of my husband also causes him a lot of pain (and I am currently googeling on more info). I am sorry that he has to go through this and that I cannot do more to help.

just answered the question: I do sometimes tell him it is all in his head. I gave examples. I do that because I love him and owe him the truth... otherwise he will end up prisoner of his OCD.
 
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