Relationship How Can They Say Its Not Personal When It Sure Feels That Way

[Kyella]

My husband has undiagnosed ptsd...because he won't get help because he thinks no psychologist will understand him. He is on a ptsd chat forum, not sure which one, but not this one...he says that helps but I don't see that it does. He has childhood trauma. Some of which I know about and some of which I believe I don't because he doesn't like to talk about things. Thing is, my husband normally has an overactive sex drive. Sometimes on and off and right now its on, he doesn't want to do anything! He says he loves me and its not me...but how many times has someone heard its not you and it really is. I'm not sure how to stop myself from taking this personally. He says he needs time and not to push him, but how much time? Night after night I get pushed away and its starting to depress me. I'm starting to feel that I need to turn off my emotions to protect myself. But if I do that, when he decides to come back, then I might not be interested anymore. I feel let down, hurt, like there is something wrong with me. No clue what to do, but its slowly destroying me.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

It's not something wrong with you

If he doesn't want to seek help, it's his choice... And it's not something that you should torture yourself over. But he does seem to need help.

I mean, just a chat cannot help all that much, a bit more is needed. THats what theraphy sessions are for and medications.

I hope that it goes for the better for you :hug:

Also, there is a lot of info in the Supporters section of the forum, especially with dealing with stuff like this

 

[catlover26]

I know how hard it is when you are being physically turned away and just want that closeness from your partner. I am sure I am much older than you and my bf is 15 yrs older than me. We first started dating he was so romantic and the affection was wonderful. But gradually he changed and depression and must be ptsd symptoms have come back. I have learned a lot since I have been on this forum. I think for a while he was tolerating me sitting in his lap and trying to kiss him but I learned that wasn't the best thing to do. He is so nice not to tell me to stop but from the body language and other things I began to realize he was uncomfortable. It has been very hard for me because I wanted that closeness. He didn't even want us to sit by each other. I just go see him a few nights a week. It started making me feel like we were more like friends.

He is also a recovering Alcoholic of 30 yrs so I go to Al-Anon. That has helped me a lot to just let some things go and try to concentrate on myself and realize I can't control or change him. For almost 2 mos he wouldn't kiss me because he thought he had a cold but finally he has started kissing me goodbye. Sometimes it is a little hug and sometimes he might hug me tight. Yes, I have thought many things. That there was someone else, that he wanted the relationship to be over but wouldn't tell me etc. But then Sunday night he talked to me about how awful his depression has gotten. So I think I understand it better as I used to have very bad depression and just having someone else around is very difficult.

It just takes a lot of time and patience for them to 'come around' and get some healing. The forum should help him. At least he is trying to get some help somewhere. If he is at least acknowledging that he has a problem that is the first big step.

I have had to try and turn my emotions down somewhat so I don't get hurt and frustrated. Don't worry if you feel you have to. I don't think it would take much to rekindle that fire when the time comes.