I don't want to upset @
krimson, but it was also the most terrifying thing I had done to date. Once my memories of child abuse also emerged and I had to speak about that to a psychiatrist, I think that superceded the experience.
When I told my doctor that I had been raped 30 years previously and was now suddenly experiencing symptoms, I'm afraid she didn't really believe that that was possible. She has never demonstrated a willingness to understand PTSD (I swapped doctors in the practice in the end, which was marginally better.). I asked the first doctor for a sick note and she agreed to give me one for two weeks but no longer because she said she didn't want me to malinger (grrr!). She was a woman in her late 40s, and I have to say I was stunned by the lack of protocol or any useful advice. Her first question was whether I had had sex since then. Quite honestly I couldn't see the relevance. Anyway, I had to go back and insist that I needed help. I was then allowed six sessions with a counsellor in the practice, but it took months to get to see her and then the sessions were very far apart.
Eventually, the flashbacks and all other symptoms were getting very bad and I had started to remember child abuse. I broke down eventually in front of the counsellor and she discharged me as someone outside of her competency. The practice did nothing for me then. That was when I swapped doctors and she started to try and get me a referral. She was only interested in getting me EMDR, which is not available in this county on the NHS. Cue lots of time-wasting, including her having a long discussion with someone in the head trauma dept of the local hospital (!!!!), before she began to understand. I had originally gone to the doctors in very early February. It wasn't until late Sept/early Oct that I finally got to see a psychiatrist, who referred me with more time-wasting and lost paperwork to a psychologist. I had to fight all the way, which I found utterly distressing and exhausting.
The end result was to be told that the NHS had nothing to offer me, since my symptoms meant I was in too sensitive a condition to undertake CBT or trauma-focused CBT (in other words, talk therapies just utterly retraumatise me). I have never been as dissociated as I was when I exited the psychologist's office.
I think you can see why I chose out of desperation to go private. Wow, if I had known this option existed, I would have gone straight to this wonderful woman right at the start. She charges £45 per session and I see her weekly. She is helping me enormously.
The NHS meanwhile are still debating over a year later as to whether they might find exceptional funds to pay for my treatment.
I SOOOOO hope you get better treatment that this. I know other people on this forum who have had better experiences with the NHS. But I do want to say, if you can afford it in any way (and I am scraping it together), please don't forget other options. If your trauma relates to sexual abuse or rape, please don't discount seeking help from the rape charities or MIND. They can often offer appropriate help for very little money (a donation based on your ability) or for free. Don't let the NHS drive you insane and give up hope.
Like me, you deserve help and I hope you don't have to fight for it.