How do i accept other people's care and concern?

[EveHarrington]

How do I accept other people's care and concern?

I'm in uber defensive mode and not able to accept that anyone would actually give a damn about me.

I'm convinced that people only care in a generic "suicide is bad so I feel sorry for you" kind of way and it's not out of concern that they'd miss me personally. BTW I'm not suicidal or even thinking about hurting myself but I sure as hell did something to make people think I'm going to off myself at any minute. (Backlash from suicide attempt 5 months ago.)

Thanks.

And sorry for so many posts. I'm on the outs with my day program people and don't see my therapist until next week.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

How do I accept other people's care and concern?

A simple thank you to get started. Listening to what they are saying, I know hard to trust it. You can do this for your friend who is showing care and concern for you. You are a person of worth, because I read your posts. You express yourself very well. You are better than you think you are and not as bad as you think you are.:hug:

 

[Deleted member 34328]

As I understand it, this is a peer support group...why shouldn't you post?

Personally, I find it almost impossible to accept people's concern or care to be genuine and real. I've learned that sometimes people either don't know what to say and so offer something... they have a need to feel needed or supportive. Not helpful.

If you know the person well, you just take them at their word. If they've said "ask anytime", do it. They offer support, I agree with @Rain . Say thank you. If you know them well and vise versa, they probably already know to say it like it is.

 

[Nessa7]

Something that has helped me is to be aware of when I feel concerned for someone or when I do something nice. Thinking about what goes through my head at those times helps me because I can tell myself later that it is the same for other people when it is directed towards me.

 

[Deleted member 487]

You cannot effectively or safely force yourself to care for the feelings of others. If you don't, you don't. Just the way it is.
Be more concerned about your own safety and even your own comfort before you care about others.

 

[Deleted member 44394]

What I've found is that trauma is probably the most destructive, self-limiting thing on the planet. I realized today that, in a big way, I was actually contributing to making my life worse, and worse, smaller and smaller and smaller...but more safe. I have this problem with my step dad (I have this problem with everybody) that I misinterpreted his facial expressions to be colder and more hostile than they are. I have a bad relationship with him, as it didn't start out good, after my dad died one day she brought this man back to our house and I didn't know about it, so there's that right there. My very first interpretation of him was that instance, which was bad. I felt threatened ....etc. My mother's fault for bringing him home without telling me, on such short notice like that.

What I'm saying is that trauma taints the way we see things. If you've seen through trauma lenses your vision will always be tainted. YOu will always try to control your environment and (people) and this will be isolating and disastrous. I've realized that...and it's a big realization.
We have to get over, must get over our trauma.

(I can't figure out how to edit* function on this thing) can someone please tell me..? What else I wanted to say was that being this way and trauma, is a self fulfilling prophecy. You will get what you want and you will be alone, entirely alone. You must take responsibility for yourself and your issues, accepting caring of others is part of that. You can't live like this and be prosperous, ever. You will only survive,
not thrive.... you will survive in a burnt out shed all alone, whereas when and if you're healthy you will live in a mansion, remind yourself that you're not supposed to be traumatized and that's not your normal state.

 

[Sideways]

Something I'm trying out is to continually interrupt myself with "Ragdoll, just say thank you, and allow them to say they like you".

That's proving hard enough. But it is slowly giving my head a bit more space to accept people when they compliment me or let me know they care.

My head would love to fight back with all sorts of reasons that this is wrong and dangerous and clearly a reason to never speak to the person again.

So I just politely interrupt my noggin when it happens, thank the person, and move on

 

[user44376]

It helps me knowing that now it's fleeting and likely insincere. Maybe it always was but I didn't notice?

I've never ever liked asking for help because only burdens ask for help. That's honestly what I believed. So over the years I've allowed a few people in that I can ask for help. Because I made that clear to them, they decided that meant I was obligated to listen to them complain about mundane crap. I was meaning heavy, existential shit and they seemed to think it meant debriefing on a Monday morning.

I got tired of this. I came across it too often and it didn't help my misanthropy. Now when I meet people I don't believe anything they tell me. I honestly don't care if it's true or not.

I'm feeling wordy tonight. Forgive the rambling.

 

[Beans]

Spoke to T about that this week re attachment and intimacy. She said she cares about me pd so what are my beliefs about her (and others at large) that don't allow me to feel it (now that I'm no longer dissociated.) A lot has popped up in the last few days.

 

[The Albatross]

I'm a weirdo... so accepting "people's care and concern" is prickly. If it's lip service or the person is actualizing their schema by a pattern of behavior with other people, I curl my upper lip and doubt their sincerity. Then I run them through a mental filter, being mindful of how they handle or don't their own affairs and rack up some time and scan for consistency. Tells for me are inconsistencies, deceptions, or omissions. Based on that, they may be playing at something or playing in my back yard as a distraction but it's indicative that there's a payoff for them I might not be aware of. Then I got a decision to make.

Kinda complicated but ain't life that way? Aren't people that way? Time, truthfulness, consistency in character or deeds... are they well intentioned people... ALL that comes into play. I "can" accept it... but I don't do it blindly or necessarily trust prior to investigation. I got a good reason not to.

 

[Rani G2]

but I don't do it blindly or necessarily trust prior to investigation. I got a good reason not to.

Very true!!!