How Do I Ask For Space Without Being Rude?

[Panama Pete]

Having short breaks now and then instead of waiting for everything to reach a boiling point helps keep my stress cup at a lower level. Instead of stressing about stress, I cut it off at the pass and just spend an hour or 5 to myself when I need it. I usually try and let the Mrs. know ahead of time what is going on so she doesn't feel cut off and ignored or I'm just being mean.

Sounds like a great way to deal with things when you can tell you are getting close to your cup overflowing. I try to do similarly, but I have a problem communicating this with my wife since I don't want to hurt her feelings. I realize that is an area she and I need to have a discussion about, and I need to make it happen.

Your follow thru actions post destressing session are also a great idea. I can see how that could not only help you feel "less guilty" about "ignoring" her, and let her also know you still care about her and are trying to deal with it and still be a good husband at the same time.

Thanks for the encouragement you provided by sharing your technique in how you deal with it. It lets me know that this is, at least for some of us, a great technique instead of just letting things come to a head.

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[timetorecover]

May I ask did you have PTSD before kids Timetorecover?

Have you and your husband discussed options & strategies for night time?

I was not diagnosed before I had kids, but have always had symptoms.

My husband works early shifts and I do not know of any other option.

WOULD BE GRATEFUL FOR ANY IDEAS??

 

[KP the nut]

I suppose it comes down to how your husband is with your children.

When my children were young, my H worked away a lot (he still does). I was left all week to cope with everything. At weekends, my H would take the girls and spend some 'Daddy/daughter time' with them. This ensured, I had the time I needed on my own. It wasn't every weekend and we did a lot of family stuff together.

This worked for us all.

My girls also had a set bedtime, even if they weren't ready to sleep, they could listen to a story or read/look at a book, but they knew that after bedtime was 'grown up' time. I would explain to them that Mummy/Daddy had been with them all day and not it was grown up time and they accepted that.

It isn't easy and it has to come down to what you want and how you make that happen.

 

[Meadowsweet]

Like Kp, my children have a set bed time. It has got later as they've got older, but I've always just explained that after 8/8.30pm is mums relaxation time. They aren't banned from coming into the living room, but they've just grown to understand that after a certain time, we do quiet things and they only come in if they want to say something important (they don't just run in and out playing).

I don't know about husbands, but children are very good at learning things when its explained without drama or concern. I can remember when my children were much younger, explaining that because they are children, they need to go to bed earlier than mummy's. But even though mummy's go to bed later, they have to have extra time to do relaxation.

They're older now, but having time for regular relaxation is sort of accepted into everyday life.

The bath is a quiet thinking place for me too. Going for a walk, even though I take the children, used to be a way of having time out. And if I am having a bad day when the children aren't at school, i will stare at a book or at the tv and zone out, but I'm able to come round quickly when someone comes into the room.

If I had a husband, I would try to organise a regular break once a week, where he took care of the children while I went to a meditation class, yoga class or whatever.

looking after young children is hard work, and lots of people without ptsd feel they need a break. So I think its something that is ok to discuss without needing too much understanding. Just say, I could do with a break once a week or whatever, and see if you can reach an arrangement.

 

[KP the nut]

If I had a husband, I would try to organise a regular break once a week, where he took care of the children while I went to a meditation class, yoga class or whatever.

When my children were both in school all day. My H and I would book a days leave from work and do something for just the 2 of us, a walk and picnic, a movie, 10 pin bowling but just us.

We would do this every month or so.