How Do I Communicate?

[Wolvescry]

Its hard you know. I deal with constant anxiety. Through the years I have made much progress, but it still lingers, reminding me of my shame and helplessness.

One of the methods I use to heal is taking martial art classes. I have been doing really well, but sometimes I encouter triggers in class and I am to embarrassed to explain to anyone what I am feeling. The other day I was partnered with a man much taller then me and we were suppose to tap each others shoulders and dodge the counter attack. I ended up getting scared and backing myself into the wall. I kept looking for a way to defend myself while trying to remind myself that I was safe.

After that class I took a class that was teaching us to defend against someone trying to grab your throat or face, and that made me nervous. I wanted toleave but I stayed feeling pushing through it may help. It did to some extent, but now I have been antsy and anxious for the following day.

I am frustrated. I wish I could just forget. I have considered hypnosis. I just want to function normally.

 

[Loner]

You don't have to tell people you have PTSD. You can just say, whoa hold on I am not comfortable with this can I just have a second? These are very intimate acts. Violent intimacy in a safe environment in some ways requires a lot more trust than sexual intimacy. I don't think anyone is going to wonder about you if you get a bit freaked out by it and need to slow things down.

 

[Meg_porter94]

You don't have to tell people you have PTSD

^^

Also, you can always try to focus down to one thing at a time. That really helps me when I start having bad anxiety is focusing on one thing that is a constant. Like my breathing if need be. I can control that. I know that it may or may not help with you.

 

[Marf]

I also took self defense classes. It was triggering, but a real attack will definitely be triggering also, and we don't want to freeze then. The classes did help me feel safer overall.

 

[Mary]

I was severely stressed into panic attacks by a certain activity in my Kung fu class. This was before I knew about my PTSD. My teacher gently took me aside and did other things during those exercises. I have since discovered that he has PTSD as well. I suspect he knew or sensed what was going on.

 

[Justmehere]

I took self defense classes and it later paid off in life. I have been considering martial arts. I can tell you that a friend of mine who does aikido that many people without PTSD get nervous for the same and different reasons. Part of what se martial arts do is to help learn to channel that very very understandable anxiety into controlled ways to defend. I don't think the instructor would be at all phased of you told them, now and then I get nervous, do you have any suggestions what to do? They may have ideas, they may not, but chances are that you will at least have an ally in the room who knows that sometimes you will get nervous...

I also think it would be ok to even say you have PTSD or say something more like I am doing this now because I wished I had these skills to protect myself in the past... So if I get a little nervous just give me some space... (or whatever you would like them to do that would be helpful to you in those moments)

PTSD sucks - you are courageous to keep battling it.

 

[PureDogs]

@sadgirls278

For me - Communicate is challenge for me and I have been struggled to stand up for myself for long time due to my fear and anxiety of what will happen next. For example, Whenever I stand up and I get bullied or/and worse such as another person would make stronger statement to "crush" me down on the floor.

Communicate with people in general is difficult for me and how I response to someone. For instance, I don't response very well with person who has "big head", mean attitude, or not being friendly, target me with "You" statement at the beginning, and some more to list. I stay away from them and become feeling fear to approach them. This is due to what happened to me.

I response better when person is friendly, have empathy, able to sit down to chat with gentle way. I found myself in the position that I become irritate and went too strong. Sound conflicting isn't it? I felt that I had to do it to protect myself and I have been protecting myself lot of time in my life.

Even in relationships - I become more terrified with communication issues and how person reacts depends how I share. For instance, if I share something relate with my experience or flashback, the person would say "Oh, that's past, I'm here for you and it's new day" statements that got me feel sort of hopeless and not able to open.

It is difficult to find someone who actually understands me and what I am going through. What do I want from other people is empathy, have a normal conversation, help me to get out of my chest and etc.

Yes, I do have trust issues and I can see that it does impact the communicate issues.

I don't know if this would be helpful or can relate to that.

 

[Viosinger]

I'm struggling with the same issue right now. For the last nearly 10 years, I coped by "being strong," which meant keeping most everything to myself. I would tell boyfriend de I had been assaulted at some point, just in case I had to stop in the middle of sex or had days where sex wasn't on the table. But beyond that, I would keep symptoms, triggers, fears to myself. I only had a few friends who knew what all had happened to me, and my sister knew.

Now I'm going through therapy, which is great, but it's really testing my friendships & my relationships. I have to actually say what I'm feeling to my boyfriend, realizing if he's joking around trying to get handy & I start to panic... He doesn't magically know that I had panic attacks all morning when he was at work.

But... At least with the people who matter most, so far most have been really understanding when I do swallow my pride & say how I feel or what I need. Especially in a martial arts setting (I've done judo & Muay Thai) the coaches I chose to train with were some of the most amazing people. You may want to linger after class one day & have an aside conversation with the instructor. Then they are ready for when you need modifications, or may help pairing you with people who can be a little less triggering.

 

[Wolvescry]

I really been appreciating everyones advice and experiences. I can relate in so many ways. It is really hard to manage ptsd and a lot of the time I feel confused on how to approach symptoms and other stuff. Its an inspiration to meet so many people who live with ptsd and see how strong and helpful they are.

 

[Loner]

I also want to add that triggers fear and uncomfortably don't go away on their own. They go away gradually as you face them and see that they aren't as scary as the traumatic events they remind you of. Martial arts seems like it could be a good safe way to confront things that make you uncomfortable, and in time, make you more comfortable, confidant, with a lower overall level of anxiety. Just work on finding a balance between pushing your comfort zone a little bit without making yourself so uncomfortable that your anxiety completely skyrockets.