How Do I Find Somebody I Can Trust?

[Hopp]

Tomorrow I will see my T for the last time. She has tried to help me for 1,5 years now. She has given me EMDR treatment and she has tried to get me to talk. It's been very difficult and the worst part has been trusting. I think I have the complex form of PTSD (she hasn't really told me, just PTSD). I have never been able to trust anyone. After 1,5 years I was almost on my way to start trusting. But now she is quitting. I won't get any more help after that.

How will I ever be able to find somebody I can trust? They give up on me before I'm able to...

 

[arfie]

Trust remains a toughie for me. I believe I started with an unrealistic perception of "trust." Like trusting the plaster statues at church to provide me with spiritual support... It helped me to let trust be bigger than an either/or; that I can trust someone to be good at one thing and miserable at another. Once I started think about it, I realized trust is even harder to define than love.

I don't know to find people I can trust. Seems to me they just kinda show up when I am ready to be trusting. When I trust them to be human -warts and all- the trust sometimes even endures.

Hugs and hopes for healing, Hopp. I hope you can keep your recovery going. Please don't try to do this alone.

 

[rightkindofme]

I have seen 21 therapists. After a while I decided that I wasn't trusting my therapists I was learning to trust myself. I have to trust that I will be able to do the things I need to do. I won't ever get the help I need. Sometimes I have people who walk near me for short periods and they have insight to give me but I never trust them to help me.

I don't think anyone can help me but me.

 

[Hopp]

Thankyou both of you! Seems to be a tough question... I am trying to let people help, but it is hard.

 

[Hashi]

Hopp, I'm so sorry you're losing this therapist. Is it OK to clarify a couple of things about the situation?

Are you saying that she has decided to stop therapy with you in particular, or that she is stopping practice so you can't see her any more?

Does she know that you feel almost on your way to start trusting her at this point?

 

[The Albatross]

Sadly this has been a combination of trial and error and calculated risk.

 

[Toranoko]

Just as an FYI, C/PTSD is not a formal diagnosis. It's a term "we" (suferer's and therapists) use to distinguish between traumas. If it was repetetive or complicated, you can probably use the term. My formal diagnosis is PTSD; I say C/PTSD because the root trauma was repetitive sexual abuse as a child (It can also be called "complex" because there is the addition of bullying as a child/teenager). As opposed to (for example) getting mugged. Which can be traumatic, but ... it's different. *shrugs*

Consider reframing your trust. Rather than asking how to trust ask "how much do I trust this person? In what way?" It's not a magic pill, but it may help a bit. To give a (personal) example, I trust certain people "generally" quite a bit. But when I ask about "sexual trust" the level drops significantly.

You will be different, of course. But perhaps even knowing "I trust the board to know about PTSD at level X" is better than "not trusting"?

 

[DMerish]

Are you saying that she has decided to stop therapy with you in particular, or that she is stopping practice so you can't see her any more?

Hi Hopp - I have the same question as Hashi ^ . . . and sorry your having to face a change. I understand how hard it is to find someone you trust. A few that therapists that I've had live I lived of their own, went on several weeks' vacation at a time when I felt I needed them the most. :-\

The therapist I had before my current one just up and vacated her office. I went to my scheduled appointment, the office was unlocked and empty. No phone call, no letter etc. Very disturbing. I learned later that she had a legal issue she was running from :-o

I reseached several "new" thereapists a bit later on, focusing on the type I thought/felt I needed. I did phone interviews, then 1:1 personal interviews with four or five. Two of the questions I asked were (1) how long did they think they would continue seeing patients and (2) how long did they think they might stay in the office they were in. The last one I interviewed said she had no plans to give up her private practice, she had her babies, didn't plan to have more, she and her husband were settled in their careers, loved what they did and the schools their kids attened, and she had just signed a five year lease on her office. Before she answered these questions, there were others I had about her style, experience, etc. etc. I liked her answers to the earlier ones and was prepared to be dissapointed when I asked the last two, but I wasn't. :-) I feel extreamly lucky that I found her.

 

[Hopp]

Hashi, I want to answear your questions. My T will quit at this particular office and I will not be able to see her any more. I will not get any more help from this office. She doesn't know about the trust. She has said that this has been a difficult part with me. When she said that she was going to quit she also said some other things that I have had a hard time to accept. My trust is gone again...

 

[mamachick]

For myself, it has been admitting that I need the help, and then a leap of faith. Asking myself the question, what do I have to loose by trusting this person? If it turns out that the style does not fit my needs, I will know that before I am in deep. As it turned out, I found the right therapist when I only had some depression and anxiety. I saw her off and on as needed.

Over the past several years, my insurance drops her from the provider list, leaving me on a waiting list for up to 8 months. Then they re-instate her. This has had a very negative effect on my progress. The lack of continuity is cruel to me. They have recently dropped her and taken payments back from her, so I am left high and dry. Since I dont have other supports, this is very hard on me right now. I have the trust, but no therapist. I can't imagine starting over with someone new, so I am very sorry for your situation.

 

[Hopp]

And I am sorry for your situation brat17 :( It is difficult when the help is a person to trust.

Another thing that has been a big problem is that I obviously live in the wrong country when it comes to PTSD. They don't know much so there is lack of help. That also means that it is difficult to be able to choose someone because of the trust-issue. I have to take the one they can find, if they find any...:sick: