Sexual Assault How Do I Tell My Therapist About Sexual Abuse?

[AngelBby]

Last week I was at a therapys session and my therapist asked me about sexual abuse. I replied no because I was so nervous and its really hard to trust people. I also was confused.

When I was about 4 or 5 I had a few older boy cousins that would come over and I can remember the one time We all were up in the attic and me being the other girl they touched me and this became a habit every time they came over. When I was 8 or 9 We had this babysitter who was about 14. He convinced me that I was his girlfriend and he was the one to take my virginity. This went on for about 2 years until see moved. Moving to the New state there was another person who started to touch me again. This went on for a while.

Another incident was when I was at a cousins house and her boyfriend had a friend that spent the night. I woke up in the middle of the night to him groping me and attempting to put his hands down my sleep shorts.

I always thought about these situations butI never thought this had affected me until now. I was a really quiet kid and I didn't call it abuse because in all situations I never said no or tried to stop it. Now that I'm older I'm in therapy for anxiety and depression but I just feel like this is information I should tell my therapist. I wanted to write a letter saying what I need to and having her read it. But I feel like that is just me being a chicken since I can't say it out loud. Is this a good thing to do?or should I attempt to say it out loud? How did you tell your therapist?

 

[Friday]

How did you tell your therapist?

Drugs.

In order to say word one about anything I had to be seriously altered.

After that? Then I worked on talking about shit straight. But to break through the initial wall, I had to be drunk, high, sexed up, or furious.

^^^^
First Go Round in needing to impart XYZ info into someone else's head.

Second Go : Writing shit out and having them read. It seemed like the moderately more healthy option, since I've still got this here bear-trap for a jaw ;)

My feeling is that talking about things, the ability to talk about them, is a very separate creature from needing someone to know XYZ. 2 problems = 2 solutions.

Now that I'm older I'm in therapy for anxiety and depression but I just feel like this is information I should tell my therapist. I wanted to write a letter saying what I need to and having her read it. But I feel like that is just me being a chicken since I can't say it out loud

For me, the question wouldn't be are you chicken, but what's the purpose here? Talking about hard things in a truthful & coherent manner? Or getting them the information? I would start with that one (get them the info), and then work on talking about hard things. Since they could be an ally in that, now knowing both the truth, and that you would rather lie than talk about it. :) Allies are awesome.

 

[Rumors]

I am an advocate of printing out what you said here and taking it in for your t to read. It was well thought out and perfectly said. Take advantage of those thoughts.
Sending good thoughts your way. It certainly isn't an easy endeavor.

 

[watundah]

I wrote it out. It was easier for me to pick my words and it was a load off for her to know. She asked once because the symptoms are there but all I could say was yes. I imagine youll feel better, too, and know that you dont have to talk about anything if you dont want to, but it doea give them better understanding if you share it. Best of luck.

 

[KwanYingirl]

When I finally thought I could tell my therapist my abuse history, I was dumbstruck. Literally couldn't speak. I was trembling and he had to play 100 guesses til he figured it out. I still have trouble putting words out. I've tried writing and workbooks and support groups. So far, this site is where I feel the safest. I often pull up a thread and have him read my entries. He is perfectly supportive of any way I can express myself. I agree that letting your therapist read this thread will express your history, but also that you have a boatload of survivors supporting you. You will need to have patience and not punish yourself. There is no "right way" to express our stories and to ask for help. We were groomed to be silent victims. Did you know that the majority of people who have been sexually abused never say a word about it? Good luck!

 

[watundah]

The never saying a thing about it...first is the remembering. I was in my 40s when the memories came back. It was my dad when I was probably 4 or 5. My sister is 10 years older and I do wonder if it happened to her too. We aren't close and our parents are gone now so Im not sure what the point would be in asking or telling. I sure couldn't deal with her reaction if it was news to her. And she didn't tell me that the neighbor had molested her until I was in my 20s or 30s. It is such a difficult wall to scale.

 

[AngelBby]

Thank you all for replying. I decide to write the letter and give it to her at the end of our next session. If she has questions I want to be able to answer them. I know it's not easy to verbalize but it's something I'm willing to learn to talk about.

 

[RussH]

I always thought about these situations butI never thought this had affected me until now. I was a really quiet kid and I didn't call it abuse because in all situations I never said no or tried to stop it.

Anytime a child is touched in a sexual way by another, even if the never say no, it is abuse.

 

[barefoot]

I don't think writing it down is wimping out at all - I think it's courageous that you're sharing it in any way. And I think therapists are very used to some clients expressing themselves better/more easily in writing - especially when it's around trauma stuff.

Whether/how/when you want to dive in to the deeper stuff around it beyond the info you've put in your letter is up to you - there's no 'right' way to do it and it's important for you that you approach this and work through anything you want to work through at your own pace. But I think it's definitely useful for your therapist to have this initial info as a context to your anxiety and depression.

 

[AngelBby]

Thank you all for replying. I wrote the letter and gave it to her at our session yesterday. She let me paint while She read so I wasn't sitting there awkwardly waiting for her reaction. She asked me a few questions but she understood that I was not ready to really get into it yet. I'm glad that she was so easy going because I wasn't nervous at all. She even explained what she would do with me next week that she does with her younger patients. Thank you all for replying because you helped so much.

 

[Lucycat]

Well done @AngelBby
I think you made a sensible choice. I have told my T that I was abused, and we have done a lot of therapy to work through it, but I have never told him the precise details. I did not want to and he said it was not necessary. I hope your T will be just the same - allowing you to share as much or as little is helpful to you. The important thing is to work through the residual thoughts and feeling that are a consequence.

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

Congrats to you for being able to share. I agree with @Lucycat - the trend in psychotherapy now is to not need all the details, as opposed to the old model where therapists thought that patients would benefit most through catharsis and recounting every little detail.