How Do You Accept That It Really Happened?

[IamFree]

Ever since my mother was murdered 11 years ago I have had a reccuring dream that it did not really happen and the dream can feel so real I have to wake up and keep on realising over again that it did. after my most recent one when I was at the end of my tether in desperation I went to the middle of a forest so I could keep on saying out loud so I could hear it my self ..my mother has been murdered .

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

, I posted a topic and then deleted my posts. I could not stand to see what I wrote. I think a part of me still wants to be in denial but then I have a flashback and I know it is absolutely true and it really happened years ago.

Sometimes, it can feel emotionally threatening to see the details of one's traumatic past in writing. You are not alone in this.

It helps to know I am not alone in this. I was a very young child when this happened and I totally blocked out most of it for decades. There is no way to confirm any of what happened

It's hard at first but many survivors - including me - have come to realize that we will never have proof of what happened to us.

There comes a point, though, where one knows it's all true. Whether each and every individual memory is correct isn't important; the only important thing is that it happened.

. It makes it really hard to know what is real and what my mind is filling in.

We always fill in our (both traumatic and non-tramatic) memories. That's normal.

I had to walk away from my desk at work and find a quiet room for a while.

You needed some space.

I try and tell myself that it isn't my imagination because my imagination doesn't cause this kind of feeling but I still can't bring myself to really say that it happened.

You will come to a place, eventually, where you will just know the truth. And, funny thing is, the details may no longer matter.