DID How do you balance inner and external life?

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I have dissociative identity disorder (DID). I've been working really hard over the last 2-3 years getting to know my system and work on strategies that will help my parts and myself.

However, this summer I noticed that when I go on a vacation with my family and we are among people who do not know that I have DID, I have been stronger and more able to have fun, join in conversations, and not hide out. This is different from the past. However, I have also noticed that when I return from vacation, there is a lot of back-lash from parts, negative thoughts, and flashbacks.

Furthermore, I realize that some of the struggles when I return is that I haven't devoted enough attention to communicating with my parts. That leads me to look at my life as a whole. When I look around my house, I see millions of tasks that need to get done (well maybe not millions, but more than enough). And I can't get to them. I am either not physically or mentally able to do it or I am working with my parts and on strategies and just keeping my ahead above water.

I also decided not to teach this upcoming year (which is almost literally killing me inside). But the other day, I looked around and I thought how can I ever go back to working when I can't even keep up the house, keep up with the kids, keep myself going, and keep my parts going.

So...I was wondering if anyone else has some good tips on how to balance giving time to internal work (whether you have DID or not) and external life (like chores, work, family/friends). Any ideas are welcome!

 

[sugnim]

Sometimes I try to work on both at the same time. For example, when I am doing house chores, I will try to work on mindfulness and breathing exercises. I'm not always successful, but I do try. When I'm at work, I try to take a 10 minute break to do some meditation. I figure that if others can take coffee or smoke breaks, I can take a meditation break. And then there's always good old fashioned reading in the bathroom where I can spend a little time learning about some of the issues I deal with and/or writing (by emailing myself) out some thoughts.

 

[Silver.]

Every morning when I wake up, I make a "to do" list. That list has a bit of everything, house chores, phone calls, errands, things for my child and s/o, things for me like meditation, yoga etc.
Everything on the list gets a number 1 next to it. I try to work through the whole list that day. If I can't finish something on the list, I don't beat myself up over it, things happen right? So it goes on the next day, and gets a 2 next to it, and so on. If something gets to day 7, I no longer let myself put it off, to me, a week is a fair enough amount. Might be someone needs more than a week for their list, and that's okay, I think it's just a matter of having the deadline, and like I said, self care goes on that list just as much as the needs of the house, my child and s/o. Sometimes for me, seeing something written down, makes it more concrete, and helps me to create a sense of balance amongst caring for others and self care, where I might be lacking if I didn't visually see it.
Just a thought, maybe it could help. x

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

@Silver, I like how you make your list. I always end up becoming overwhelmed by my lists, so that seems to be a good way to deal with that.

 

[Silver.]

@JEKBreatheandBelieve I used to have post-it's and lists everywhere and then the "big" list for spring cleaning, fall cleaning. So overwhelming!! And I never got a 1/3 of what was on there done. Now it's a bit more manageable for sure.
(I used to try doing the list at night in the past, because it seems whenever I lay down, x,y,z would come to mind. Well as you know how ptsd works, the whole darn rest of the alphabet would pop into my head as well, haha. That was a whole lot of NOPE. Mornings work best for me because I get up before everyone and I have some coffee and quiet).
x

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

I try to include my alters in on as much as possible. So, if I go to the grocery store, for instance, I speak aloud, "We're going into the grocery store now. Make sure to let me know if you need anything." When I shop for something I know the littles, in particular, would be interested in, like ice cream, I say, "Well, I am thinking of ice cream. Anyone want some? What flavor would you like?" And then I LISTEN and respond appropriately.

I've always found that, if I include them all in on whatever I am doing, as much as possible, then, when I cannot - like while teaching a class - they will understand and be fine. They won't feel neglected.

Problems generally only arise when I try to shut them down or ignore them, as you may have done on your trip.

Ben

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

@BuckarooBanzai , wow, those are awesome suggestions. Sometimes I do that, but it's harder as we don't communicate internally as well as through journaling so stopping and asking in a store would be hard, but maybe it's a good way to practice. And you are absolutely right, they are upset after trips, but it's not a two-way street in some ways. I still let the little ones out to play when I can but I forget to make time to journal, while at the same time the system is trained to go into shut-down mode when we aren't around others they know well or we know well. They could still be upset from that, but I think there's a bigger trigger that I need to push on trying to figure out, but perhaps I should talk with them about the trips first. Thanks.