How do you cope with being alone?

[EveHarrington]

And I’m saying 100% alone, with no partner, no family, and no friends.

I have accepted that I will never feel safe and I’m just going to ignore the issue, as I was instructed to do in a post I made a few months ago. (Not feeling safe is why I am alone.)

 

[Huxley]

For me, my alone-ness wasn’t and hasn't been voluntary; it’s just how life worked out. It was imposed, and without any social links at all it is terribly difficult to forge new ones, despite my efforts. People’s lives get filled with children and family and they no longer have room or interest for those newer friends on their outer circles. They often don‘t even have time for their “old” friends, much less for me (Parents know how true that is). Children were not an option for me so making my own family wasn’t a route open to me either.

i cope by staying busy doing things that make me happy, whatever happy happens to be. it doesn’t make it easier but it does keep it out of my immediate awareness.

 

[arfie]

for me, the hyper-vigilance which keeps me feeling forever threatened is only one factor in my compulsive isolating. i learned how to isolate as one of 11 siblings trapped in the same circumstances which created the hypervigilance. isolating in the midst of a crowd is second nature to me.

at present, i live with four people and an increasingly active social life. all that human interaction is mostly good, but i never feel lonely during my precious alone-time. in fact, i would be guilty of problem envy here. can i have your problem?

oh, for the love of balance. . .

 

[scout86]

I have accepted that I will never feel safe

Maybe "safe" is over rated. I don't EVER remember feeling "safe". In fact, it seems like "feeling safe" means I'm missing something. (And I mean that in a "something's going to get you" kind of way.) But I don't know that you have to feel safe to have relationships. You might have to except a certain level of risk to have relationships. And I suppose not feeling safe effects the nature of relationships. (Supporters? Is that accurate?) Life without any risk seems like it might be kind of dull.

So, no partner, no family, but I have a few friends. Maybe not more than a couple close friends at the moment, but friends. I know them well enough that I know where I can trust them and what's beyond their ability. They don't have to be perfect. (Which is good, because I'm not.) Having someone disappoint you isn't necessarily a life threatening thing, it just can seem that way.

If you're looking for unconditional love, I'd go with a dog. I've got an English Bulldog who lives to make people laugh. He's great. His only potential ulterior motive is dog biscuits.

I guess I'm curious. What does "safe" mean to YOU?

 

[dug]

And I’m saying 100% alone, with no partner, no family, and no friends.

I have accepted that I will never feel safe and I’m just going to ignore the issue, as I was instructed to do in a post I made a few months ago. (Not feeling safe is why I am alone.)

I don't feel safe either, I'm not afraid of anyone or anything, I just don't feel safe.

for me, the hyper-vigilance which keeps me feeling forever threatened is only one factor in my compulsive isolating. i learned how to isolate as one of 11 siblings trapped in the same circumstances which created the hypervigilance. isolating in the midst of a crowd is second nature to me.

at present, i live with four people and an increasingly active social life. all that human interaction is mostly good, but i never feel lonely during my precious alone-time. in fact, i would be guilty of problem envy here. can i have your problem?

oh, for the love of balance. . .

I walk with a group, say 10 people , im all alone amongst them as if they arent even there

 

[EveHarrington]

Maybe "safe" is over rated. I don't EVER remember feeling "safe". In fact, it seems like "feeling safe" means I'm missing something. (And I mean that in a "something's going to get you" kind of way.) But I don't know that you have to feel safe to have relationships. You might have to except a certain level of risk to have relationships. And I suppose not feeling safe effects the nature of relationships. (Supporters? Is that accurate?) Life without any risk seems like it might be kind of dull.

So, no partner, no family, but I have a few friends. Maybe not more than a couple close friends at the moment, but friends. I know them well enough that I know where I can trust them and what's beyond their ability. They don't have to be perfect. (Which is good, because I'm not.) Having someone disappoint you isn't necessarily a life threatening thing, it just can seem that way.

If you're looking for unconditional love, I'd go with a dog. I've got an English Bulldog who lives to make people laugh. He's great. His only potential ulterior motive is dog biscuits.

I guess I'm curious. What does "safe" mean to YOU?

This is off topic. I respectfully ask that the discussion be kept to my question, how to cope with being alone. The response you have given was more on topic to the post I made months ago, but I have moved past that point. Thank you.

 

[Dynamic]

I encourage you to use your alone time, that hurts and is awful and I know the deep dark despair it may feel like for you, but for a time to cultivate YOU.

You could:

journal a lighthearted prompt such as: 3 things I felt, heard and appreciated today.

hear what you want to hear: if you dont like the silence put some music on that you like in that moment for your needs. if you need soothing, try jazz or classical
2cellos is a cool cover band that is just 2 cellos no words but to the beats of songs you may know. pretty popular ones.

make a positive future vision board with old magazines . can be as small or large as you want it to be. you clip out things in the old magazines that resonate with the future you want. ie. if you want to start riding your bike, you can put a picture of a bike or a water bottle that reminds you of cycling.

you could write a list about the things you do and dont like about yourself

sorry if this doesnt help. I am a believer in faith and if you check out the prayer request thread and want to hear more just pop in there many people have faith that God is with them and it comforts their alone. but I wont push that on anyone.

Please take care I am so sorry you are in this agony. and I hope you feel better soon. please ignore if this does not help you.

 

[Nevermore]

I don’t really cope with it! But like you, I think I have to accept it.
I have experienced though meeting someone out of the blue that I somehow felt close to and vice versa. It really was completely out of the blue!! He was my local news agent!
That was a wonderful thing because I know, more than any therapy etc etc , intimacy is the greatest healer. And it was amazing to feel not alone!!
He died - and I’m back to the horrible aloneness. But those things def are possible!
That sounds like I’m someone different than who I am! I’m pretty much a recluse, but sometimes things just go happen.
Another thing that helps me is knowing that I really am not as alone in the way I feel as I think I am.
People like you being so open and honest helps people like me me to know I really am not alone with these feelings.
I guess that experience I had gives me hope too. Kismet whatever you want to call it - it does happen.
But the aloneness is hard. It’s crazy making!

 

[Santa Cruz]

This is off topic. I respectfully ask that the discussion be kept to my question, how to cope with being alone. The response you have given was more on topic to the post I made months ago, but I have moved past that point. Thank you.

i actually really benefitted from this response. Perhaps not relevant and helpful to you in this moment, but the special thing about an open discussion group such as this, rather than private one on one, is that no matter who asks the original question/starts a thread, just as many people can provide feedback, many people besides the OP can also use and benefit from feedback that might not feel useful to the OP. And to reply directly to your query, one way i personally cope with feelings of loneliness is to try not to alienate and control the people who do make an attempt to engage with and help me by telling them what they can and can't say in a group format q and a thread online. just a thought.