How Do You Cope With Missing Your Therapist?

[falling_wave]

@barefoot I don't think it's overboard either. I have heard of others bordleine stalking their therapist so I get why attachment might indicate a red flag but I think for the majority of us it shouldnt. If it's just pictures from her professional website they are meant to be looked at by clients. My T also called and left me a message one time when I was atruggling. She said call back if I need to. I didn't need to because I could feel like I had connected just by listening to her voicemail. I think looking at professional pictures is a great coping skill if it helps.

 

[watundah]

Well, I for one cannot connect and share my soul with a stranger. That said, she has shared more with me than others, she says. I feel comfort in that but we are far from buddies. I miss her and count the days til our next visit because it is MY time to work on me and it is allll about me. Plus I really like who she is.

Someone there for me 100%. How can we of the damaged psyches not get stuck on that?

 

[barefoot]

Thanks @falling_wave :-)
Actually, I've done a similar thing to that too re voicemail...hearing her voice made me feel more centred. I guess seeing an image of her or hearing her voice....that sort of connection...I think it's a grounding thing. And, at the moment, she's the only person who can offer me that (apart from stuff I do for myself) as I haven't told anyone else the things I've told her. So it's about making a reassuring connection when I'm having a difficult time...and the connection needs to be with her because no one else knows any of it!

 

[falling_wave]

@barefoot totally relate to all of that. @watundah I know it seems like it would be a natural thing. I'm not wanting to be friends with mine in any way because I really like the relationship we have now. If I were going to input transference I would say I wish she were my mom before my friend because of the nurturing stability thing but I know deep down I would want that either. I just straight miss her when it's been too long. If it was ideal I'd see her on Monday right after my weekend to help me process the weekend and get in the right space for my work week. If she canceled and rescheduled for sometime that same week it really wouldnt phase me either. I know someday I won't need it or muss her so much but it's my secret that I do. I keep it a secret because it keeps me working hard with her even when I don't feel like it and her nurturing can turn any bad mood or hurt around. Btw I wonder how much rapport creates therapist pleasing and how much therapist pleasing causes positive change.

 

[watundah]

...and sometimes it's avoidant behavior. (for me ;)).

I've never said anything to mine about how I feel about her. But talking about ANY feelings is tough for me.

 

[Fitcircus]

I see this both through the eyes of us, and a therapist. Missing or needing an appointment to share stuff t...

Okay .... i may be very late to respond to this thread but i must. Something that jumped out at me was the fact that u said we shouldnt become dependant on our therapist because we are setting ourselves up to get hurt. That is one of the beliefs psychotherapy is completely against. If what you said was true than we wouldnt form relationships with anybody . Every relationship ends for one reason or another , therefore keeping distance due to fear of pain is not healthy. Whatever it is you feel towards your therapist is something that needs to happen. It will eventually change ..... on your own watch .

 

[VioletButterfly]

With this T, I don't miss her, per se, I feel shaky without the support. I will not be able to see her this week, although she did tell me I could buzz her if I needed to, which I appreciated. I don't want to fall into the trap of "needing" her as I've been way too enmeshed with a previous T or two, so I am very careful. It's just different this time around in all respects. That being said, with not being able to see her this week, I have a week that's fairly planned - I have lunch planned with a pal on Tuesday, plans of some sort on Wednesday with a friend, and will probably see one of my other buddies before/on New Years as I was too ill to see her on Christmas. Plus, I'll be working. I just try to fill my time. I think distractor tasks are good for this - getting out into nature is awesome if it isn't beastly cold or hot where you're located. Journaling a conversation might be a good option too; I think someone mentioned that above. Just some thoughts. I hope we've given you some things to think about or some ideas on navigating this. I hear you though. Make sure you have a plan. :) Wishing you the best. VB

 

[Shirley]

@barefoot I don't think it's overboard either. I have heard of others bordleine...

I created an email address so I could email him as much as I wanted, without actually bothering him.

 

[Bananie]

When my t switched jobs earlier this year, I knew it was coming, so when my phone rang with the clinic number, I let it go to voicemail, and now I listen to it every once in awhile. Like I just did after reading this post lol.
I miss him a lot.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

Weather it's waiting longer than usual for a session or a particularly tough week its natural to mi...

I had this experience last month, I normally see my regular T (I have 3 T's) every 2 weeks, she cancelled due a family emergency two weeks in a row, so by the time I saw her it was a month since the last session.
I was in the beginning phase of having a crisis over it, worried it would be permanent, which would equal abandonment to my brain. So my PTSD was becoming part of dealing with this. The fact of the matter is in life things happen, and I had no control over my T's life and what happened with it. But my PTSD hypervigilance does not allow me to think that way from the emotional side of my brain, even if I consciously think that way from the rational side of my brain.