Sexual Assault How do you cope

[theunistudent]

I've written a couple of questions on here before and you're answers are always supportive and help me to feel less alone , so I'm guess thats why I'm writing this... though i have no idea what to call it.

For a quick brief , Im 24 and earlier this year when i was 23 i got into my first ever relationship , prior to this i had never kissed a guy (theres a whole other story as to why i was 23 before i got in my first relationship however its irrelevant at this point). The relationship was short , intense , i spent most of it afraid , it involved a lot of emotional abuse , I met him through my church and as a result of our christian beliefs we both had agreed on no sex before marriage , however he still ended up sexually assaulting me, i told him no , made efforts to stop him however he was also 45kg heavier than i am. The relationship he said had to be a secret. I lost all my friends because of this happening within a church.
After I finally broke up with him and actually got him to leave me alone , he started to turn up t o my church, where i was etc , he started a month after this happened bringing a new girl to church , today i stupidly looked on FB and they are a couple.

I don't know how to cope with this , my T is off now for the next three weeks. I have so many emotions , mainly why wasn't i good enough for when i said stop for him to stop , why is she good enough to be in a open relationship with , i hear the first psychiatrist who i saw after it happen telling me i needed to report him as i needed to think of his next victim , this girl he is now dating is 18 he's 24.

How do you cope when the person who sexually assaulted you gets into a new relationship , on top of that i have the feelings of even though i dont want to be with him and actually hate him , this is also the first relationship i was in and also the first relationship i had break up so i have those feelings as well attached. How do you cope ? How do i cope with the guilt of if it happens to her and then the guilt of if it doesn't does it really just mean i am such a worthless being i was his to damage

 

[ILoveLife]

I had a similar situation happen to me...

I talked to both of them actually, not about the sexual abuse because I was in denial back then but about physical abuse... he said he only abused me because I provoked him, and his then girlfriend told me she wasn't being abused, later on (years later) I found out he physically abused her through a mutual acquaintance (at least to our knowledge that's all he did).

I think you should talk to her and tell her, if she doesn't believe you or decides to stay in the relationship, you don't have to live with the guilt of not trying to save her. And, also, I suppose it's the best thing you can do for both your sakes.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

Hard to say what to do. My rape happened 25 years ago by an aquaintence. I didn't say anything to anyone though I tried to tell a friend that night on the phone. Last year, when the flashbacks started flooding back in, I looked him up on Facebook. He has a wife that oddly looks similar to me and two kids. I keep wondering what her life must be like behind closed doors. Over the course of history, women have been assaulted/raped dominated by men, I don't know if it will ever change. They make tv shows (game of thrones) that almost glorify it to some degree. It's embedded into culture. If that girl is into him, she probably won't listen to you.

 

[deeplyloved]

I was warned by a rapists ex-girlfriend and I just assumed she was jealous. I don't think there is anything you can do to control the situation or save other people. I'm so sorry this happened to you.

 

[WishfulThinking123]

I can relate... my X husband sexually, emotionally, and on a couple occasions physically abused me. However he is now married to a new wife and I often think hmm why am I so screwed up why did I deserve all of that? I feel worthless and like I'm nothing and he has a new wife now who hes probably kind to because shes not a worthless piece of crap like I am...so I can definitely relate. However, my friend gave me this piece of advice, just because they are in a new relationship doesn't mean they got rid of all their baggage/crap they need to work through so chances are hes treating her just like he treated you if not now he will. Unless they get help they aren't going to change most likely.