How do you deal with feelings of inferiority?

[Cool Cat]

I've no idea if this is trauma related or a result of trauma, but I have struggled with feeling "not good enough" for an incredibly long time, to the point of not putting myself forward for things and believing it when it simply wasnt true

 

[Seagreen]

I once read an article that said to always assume you are good enough unless you have evidence to say otherwise. It takes some practice but is a good attitude to adopt. We are often our own harshest critics.

 

[Eagle3]

If I knew how to combat this effectively, I wouldn't be living where I am now....but so far the only thing that works is to surround myself with non-critical people who won't bash my efforts. Also, I just have to ignore what some other people say and just choose to believe that I really am good at something (easier said than done, trust me!). This is something I struggle with every day. There are good days where I realize I am good at something and there are bad days when I'd rather just crawl in a deep hole and never come out. I agree with Seagreen for sure! Just do what you have to do to see forward progress. Good luck!

 

[Seagreen]

What do you like most about yourself @Cool Cat? What are you good at? Maybe you could write of things you do well. Adding to it and rereading every day.

 

[Nam]

Lots of practice. Allow yourself to be proud of small accomplishments. Improve everyday. Surround yourself with supportive people but also honest people. And be patient with yourself. I struggle with this constantly. Hugs.

 

[Friday]

Oh... I suck and am terrible at most things.

But things aren't done by the people who are best at them. They're done by the people who show up.

It doesn't matter how crap I am at something.

 

[J_trustno1]

I am still trying to deal with feelings of inferiority and not feeling good enough due to emotional and verbal abuse. I used to put myself down, humiliate, belittle and hate myself in front of others until last year when i broke down with ptsd and depression because that was what i heard about myself from the so called adults who were supposed to be my supporters. I was never good enough for my father and constantly compared with my brother n treated inferior than him from childhood and no matter what I did in school and how high I achieved I was always dumb in his eyes. on the other hand my other abusers (ie mum's siblings) made me feel grossed out and guilty for achieving anything be it fittness or topping in school or university, according to them I was a criminal for being such a high achiever.

All these things added up and been piling up over the last 14+years and has been torturing me with unhappiness n depression from the age of 16. Each year in last 11 yrs came with worse depression and leading to more serious depression filled with unhappiness. I tried to hide all these insecurities and was in denial until last year when I had a major meltdown. I tried to shut my voice with antidepressants since I was 16 because talking about your "perfect" family secrets was a crime as a result everything was locked inside until last year when the lid of the bottle blew up and I started sharing everything with everyone not knowing majority of the people's ill-intentions.

Anyway, now I am a lot calmer than last year and this is because I am addressing all my issues to my counselor or therapist and being honest with my psychiatrist being it about my health issues or mental issues. Don't let this build up until you blow up like me and start visiting the bridge everyday. Start with therapy, address your problems, get medical checkup to see if you don't have any other illness which can lead to depression (my thyroid disease and Severe PMS has played a big role in my depression) , do exercise (be it strength, cardio or yoga,,, they all help you mentally and physically and will boost your confidence) and last but not least try being a little selfish because if you can't love yourself how can you love others or help others? I hope I didn't upset you. All the best and remember that building that pre-destroyed self esteem won't happen overnight but gradually with help of several techniques.

 

[Airedale 48]

When I was young part of the abuse I experienced was from my father and the other instructors in the school where he instructed Judo. My dad made it clear that I represented the entire honor of the club. If/ when I did not win I was weak and a coward. This was not just when I didn't do well but in general the message was that I was weak, a coward and generally less than... I became a guy who had a chip on his shoulder. I fought constantly. Again, if I showed fear, lost a fight, or whatever I was a coward. I went on to box in order to prove to my dad that I wasn't weak or a coward. I joined the army and became a paratrooper who specialized in demolition ( sapper). Always though I felt that I was week and a coward. I could never shake that feeling. No matter how tough I proved I was still a coward. Years later on facebook I found ( or rather my old buddy's from my platoon) found me. I felt like I didn't really belong in their company. I was so surprised at how many of those guys said that they remembered me as the toughest guy in our platoon. That's especially funny since I met the height requirement by one inch.
It was a nice surprise. I was honored.
HOWEVER, the real breakthrough came much earlier when I finally realized two things. My dad and his friends were ( I hope this does not offend anyone) f*cking assholes. No one should treat a child like they did! What the did was wrong! I can still summon up my anger towards them. Hurting a child is a form of evil.
There was another step though. At least for me it was an act of forgiveness. I'm not sure if I can express forgiveness the way I'd like to. I guess I've been able to look at ( my now deceased) dad and realize how hurt he was. That poor guy lived a life of hell himself.
I can look back and say a very hurt person hurt me. Whether he meant to or not doesn't matter. He hurt me but he was also hurt.
Being able to say that he was wrong and cruel and I hate what he did. Not only that but he was wrong. I am not what he said! I have the ability to form my own identity. He was a sad hurt person and maybe if anything deserved compassion. I wish that someone had helped him like I've been getting help. It's sad he was in such pain.
So I guess the key is to realize that whatever happened to you was not your fault. It's the adult's job to protect and nurture. You can nurture you though. Both by taking care of yourself but also by using different skills. For me it's prayer and also remember certain mantra's. One mantra is a toughness push', compassion pulls. When I leave a room I want people to feel like kindness left. I don't want them to feel like that guy was tough.
Also a book I recomend is The Knight with Rusted Armor. He wore his armor so long that he couldn't get it off. No one could get close to him so everyone left. His final and most important quest was to take his armor off.
I don't know if this will read like gebberish or maybe that it helps. I hope in helps though.