How Do You Deal With Flashbacks?

[Killashandra]

I've been reading the book courage to heal, a woman's guide,
I'm at the part of remembering and flashbacks.
Remembering and flashbacks are something that we deal with on a sometimes daily basis, daily for me.
Depending on the triggers.
I'm am trying to get to the root of my self destructive behaviour mechanisms by dealing with each known flashback that comes ups. The sneaky flashbacks I still have difficulty with but we'll get there.
By dealing with the roots and having the flashbacks even if they are like broken mirror pieces are having a positive effect on my behaviour and moods. I have had several big OMG moments of realizations and as hard as it is I have been trying to talk to my husband about it, specially the ones where it involves how my behaviour has effected him,
But it still seems like half the job. I try to get the feelings up but instead Im numb still, like there is no emotion there at all.

Last night I had a big one, and I freaked out a bit. I rolled a smoke , went outside but I couldn't sit still so I walked in our paddock where it was dark and paced up and down processing this new information and what it meant to me. I then went and showered, at 2am in the morning. It helped me remove myself from the confusion and lost feeling I was having. But I don't want to disassociate when dealing with these flashbacks.

Has anyone have any tips or helpful hints on tapping into the emotions? I understand it's different for all of us but some times it helps to try a different perspective

 

[chant2012]

Hmm. Sounds like you're doing a really good job. I journal a lot. Art is good too. I don't deal with flashbacks very well. Support to you. Sorry not more help.

 

[Killashandra]

Thank you chant. I have been making use of the Journaling here and now that I am working past the blame game I play with my husband things are opening up more and more as I look for the root of the behaviour,
it might just take time, ☺

 

[Sweet_E]

Thank you for posting this thread. I was looking for thread on how to handle a flashback and was getting ready to post one myself. First, I'll talk about dealing with Flashbacks, as per your title, then about the disassociation:

Handling Flashbacks

I think the best way to handle a flashback depends on the nature of the trauma you are reexperiencing. If you are comfortable providing info on that, maybe we can brainstorm with you.

For me, one of my most common Flashback triggers is a communication disconnect. If I feel like the person I am talking to does not understand the point I'm trying to get across or I don't understand them, it triggers me to reexperiencing the horror I felt when I realized that reporting my abuse to an adult did absolutely nothing to stop the abuse, so it continued.

Here is my approach to developing my Flashback plan, which I am still working on.

1) First, since I experienced multiple types of trauma, I was able to pin point which one I was reexperiencing. This took me a while to figure out. It helps to talk it out with a therapist. If you are not able to pin point it, try to sense the general nature of what you are experiencing.

2) Since the flashback is the brain's way of protecting me, I try to think about if I could go back in time and change the circumstances of the event, what would have either prevented the event, or what type of support would have helped me recover from the event in a better way?

3) For me, things that would have helped me before and after the event are protection, being heard, and nurturing. So to feel protected, I sometimes wrap myself tightly in a very thick comforter. I imagine it's similar to what a baby wants to feel when they are being swaddled. For being heard, I sometimes scream into a pillow. For nurturing, I diffuse essential oils or light a candle. Another thing I did once was go grocery shopping! I usually eat home cooked whole organic foods from scratch, but I bought a bunch of TV dinners and easy stuff. I felt like if I am taking care of myself and have no energy, I want to make sure I am capable of easily feeding myself. Then I stayed up till midnight making brownies! This might not be the best continual strategy for me, but it felt nurturing and empowering to me in the moment.

4) Something I am working on is this: Develop a Flashback Plan or First Aid Kit. Thankfully, the severity of my condition is such that I still have good days. Being on short term disability (which ended yesterday), significantly reduced my triggers and has increased my good days. When I have good days and have energy, I want to prepare and freeze some healthy foods that I can just heat up. It takes days for me to recover from a flashback so I need to take it easy during recovery. I'm also in the process of clearing out a space in my house that will be my "safe space" that is for me only, where I will not be disturbed and I can feel comforted.

Disassociation:

I am also struggling with disassociation and trying to tap into the root of my feelings. I am finding that practicing mindfulness/allowing meditation really helps. You can google this or ask me for more info.

I think tapping into the emotions takes practice, patience, gentleness and lack of judgement towards ourselves. It really takes time and I find that its counterproductive to try too hard to feel it. It's better when I simply have a willingness to experience them and an attitude of "let's see what happens" and not being attached to any particular outcome.

I used to not allow myself to feel negative emotions at all. Positivity was an effective coping strategy for a time. When I had a negative thought, I had myself trained to immediately counter it with a positive affirmation. Eventually I realized I was ready to let myself feel anger and other so called negative emotions. In fact feeling anger is healthy. When I decided to let myself feel anger, initially I would only catch glimpses of it. I would feel it for a split second and then it was gone. It took my subconscious time to realize that feeling anger is safe.

Now I'm trying to let myself feel the emotions of the Flashback. Cognitively, I know I'm not in danger in the moment so I decided one day, "I'm going to sit here and just feel this and observe. I can handle this. Bring it on!" The moment, I said that to myself, the flashback vanished! It reminded of back when I had trouble feeling anger initially. Since that one flashback, I don't always feel up to allowing myself to experience the flashback mindfully and that's okay. I know that being mindful is a tool I have during a flashback and when I'm ready to do it, it will happen - probably gradually.

I have been having a lot of ah ha moments too! (Or you called the OMG moments) and I've also been trying to explain them to my husband. The more he cognitively understands why I get triggered (and hence it's not his fault) the better he is at not taking them personally or feeding into them.

Also, with the ah ha moments, I love them! They really help me feel empowered and that I am progressing. I just need to remind myself to be kind to myself and go at gentle pace. If I am open to the process, I will continue to heal - no need to force it. I was subconsciously getting impatient with myself knowing that I go back to work on Monday. I just tell myself, I am making a choice to go back to work with some new tools and coping strategies. I may learn some new things with my increase of self-awareness. And if it's too much for me to handle, I will not force myself to strive so hard or even stay in that job.

Sorry for the novel. Hope something in here helps. If you have tips or insights for me, please share.

 

[Killashandra]

@Sweet_E

Thanks for all that info! I'd be happy to brainstorm ideas, you've already given me so much to think about and you have also given me a couple of other triggers I didn't give thought to.. especially the being heard trigger. That actually is an immediate trigger for me, and yes it was because I had no voice growing up, much the same as your example.

I call them omg moments because they usually hit like a ton of bricks...

I have been thinking of a flashback first aid kit and as I am looking at possible return to work in the next few weeks though I'm not positive that will happen I still can't go out in public for more than an hour before I start shaking, this is better though on my new meds as I don't lose my voice so much and I can nearly still walk without assistance, but getting back to the topic at hand.

My idea for a first aid kit is keeping a couple of emergency card to keep in my bag, wallet,car anywhere it might be handy.. it has a list of strategies that I've been working on and depending on the severity of the flashback is where I start from.. so I have Green for good, Blue for iffy, Amber for anxious and Red for Emergency. The list it's self is something like this, -1 GRAB - ( green red amber and blue ) identify trigger. 2 - BAR identify emotions. 3 - BAR Breathe. 4 RAB write alphabet in cursive to switch from emotional brain to logical brain Etc.

Good luck at work

Killa

 

[Sweet_E]

@Sweet_E

Thanks for all that info! I'd be happy to brainstorm ideas, you've a...

Oh Wow! I LOVE the color coded cards! Thanks for sharing that!!!

I just returned to work on Monday on partial short term disability. Just knowing I was going to be returning to work generated some emotion for me, so I'm sure you have a lot to deal with as well.

The interesting thing is that on Sunday, I was feeling depressed and figured it was because of anticipating going to work. I crawled into bed with a blanket wrapped tightly around me, diffused some essential oils and tried to be mindful of what I was feeling.

Well, I realized the reason I was depressed was I didn't know how to release my feelings of fear, and then at that moment I felt the fear. I started crying, and it caused my thighs to start trembling. It felt like a huge emotional release.

The cool thing is, I've been studying yoga related stuff and have been learning how our body physically holds trauma and emotions. People tend to hold emotions in their psoas muscle when they are traumatized. I have been setting an intention to increase awareness of my psoas muscle. I believe I experienced some release there!

On Monday morning, I actually felt really good about going back to work! Granted, I'm not expected to carry out the function of my job that triggers me for a while. Tuesday was a different story, but you win some and lose some. :)