How Do You Deal With The Child Within?

[onebravegirl]

Please remember that your inner child needs more than just soothing words. They also need to see you strong. YOU are the proof that they are safe and made it through the trauma. The hardest part is over. YOU SURVIVED, now you have to reassure them that they are safe now and that you cherish how those other parts of you tried their best to protect you from the pain. Tell them you are grateful!
I have just gotta say how amazing I think all of you are for doing all this hard work. It is so much more difficult than the day to day stuff "Normal" people deal with. You are all so beautiful!
O

 

[Grainne]

I have such a hard time connecting with my inner child, that I can't even remember her. I can't see her, feel her...nothing. When I go back there in my mind, nothing comes up but blackness..vastness..void. BUT. I think I reach those other parts of me in my dreams. I can't talk to my inner self (versions 1-50, i'm sure) when I am awake, so my brain has found a way for me deal with them when I am alseep.

I'm so afraid of those two 'worlds' merging, that I fight myself all the time. I sort memories constantly to ensure I don't start remembering a dream memory as a waking memory...

(NOW who sounds crazy? lol..)

 

[SunnyBrookFarm]

Grainne -

If that makes you sound crazy - them I'm definately crazy because what you said made perfect sense to me (smile).

 

[Pixie]

I'm at the point where I can be aware of what she needs but don't know how to provide her with it.

Wow SunnyBrook, that is exactly where I am at too. At some stage I went and got some colouring books and pencils and crayons but struggle to actually let them use those things. I think it is a case (at least for me) that I simply don't know how to be a child. Having to learn to let them take over and to go back to being that child is... terrifying...

Pixie

 

[SunnyBrookFarm]

I think it is a case (at least for me) that I simply don't know how to be a child.

Pixie

Pixie -

That's it for me exactly. I have absolutely no memories of acting like a child, feeling like a child, having fun like a child.

I tried to go to the park one day recently - all I managed to do was make myself "sea-sick" on the swings :crazy: - but it was still a try.

Wow - maybe we'll figure this out after all.

 

[Pixie]

Absolutely! One tiny little step at a time (no pun intended... honestly...)

I have tried reading a childrens book before going to sleep and on the one occasions that I managed to do that, I actually slept without bad dreams or nightmares for once. But even having taken that step, it is so difficult to even comprehend trying it again...

Pixie

 

[This Ends Now]

At some stage I went and got some colouring books and pencils and crayons but struggle to actually let them use those things. I think it is a case (at least for me) that I simply don't know how to be a child. Having to learn to let them take over and to go back to being that child is... terrifying...

Pixie

Pixie,

I keep construction paper, crayola twist pencils, canned raviolis and ice cream (good thing they make fat free now) for my inner child. I like that you have given yours writing instruments so she/they can start leaving notes for you. I think that a food, a toy, and a writing instrument are good places to start to let the inner children feel safe. My last T told me to give myself a "signal" to let my inner child call for "adult me" when she gets scared. I found something safe and easy to get that only "adult me" is familiar with: coffee... "child me" does not know what coffee tastes like but "adult me" loves it... so "child me" can go get the instant coffee out of the cabnet and that smell signals "adult me" to come back. Do you have something like that? Something that is unique to "adult you" that could act as a signal for when your inner children need help?

Liz H.

 

[Pixie]

I love the food idea Liz! That is one I hadn't thought of. I might try jelly to start with (low cal and all that). To be honest, anything else is really hit and miss for me as I have no idea of what they like, want or need. I have no memory of being a child or of the things that I did, so it is like meeting a child for the first time and trying to figure out what they like and don't like... frustrating.

The colouring kind of worked, but I don't think it holds their interest very much so I might have to come up with some other activity and see if that goes anywhere... plus, I might ask hubby if he has noticed them at any point and if so, what was happening at the time. That might give me some more clues as to where to go from here.

The coffee thing would probably work for me too as I love coffee...

Thanks for your advice and info... it really is helping.

Pixie

 

[damaged goods]

oh uh, this is a touchy subject with me so I don't really know what to say..so I'll start off with
* * * WARNING COULD TRIGGER * * *
I think my inner child was ass-raped, beaten to an inch of his life, and then dumped into a ditch. And ever since then, he's just too damn scared to come out of hiding again, unless it's to have a full blown temper tantrum.
To be honest i don't really know, other then my inner child id not accepting any calls, collect or otherwise.

Maybe I'm just being an attention-whore again. could be. sorry I think I should turn off the laptop now cuz I can't think straight at all and I'm probably just going to write forum entries that should be deleted.

I'm some kind of mess today.

 

[sidekick]

Interesting thread.......

My therapist pretty early on (I have only been going since late July or early August) had me get the "courage to heal" book and almost went right into the inner child. There was a lot going on in the home front with my 3 year old and me being triggered severely due to something that had happened to her..I think that is why shes pushed the issue sooner then she had originally planned. I resisted for quite a few weeks.

She wanted me to get a photo of me when I was young I liked and get a bigger picture of it made and buy a nice frame...I laughed in her face and ignored it. I finally got the copy made, found a fram with a nice saying on it and put it on my bureau and turned it so it was facing the wall.......

I had no connection and pure anger/hatred with that kid........I honestly still don't have a connection with "her", but do have some kind of interesting relationship that I can't explain. I now have the picture out in my living room looking right at me, still can't believe/comprehend that it is or was "me", but I look at it as a little girl who was hurting at that age and her whole life.........Silly I know but it is how it is working for me.

Once I was able to do that, I found myself being able to play with my daughter more and actually "being" there in the "present' and remembering "me/that little girl in the picture" when I would do some of the things my daughter was doing. Painting, running, dancing, singing, jumping, jumping in mudpuddles, finger painting. Making huge messes doing these things. Picking flowers. The list could go on. I remember enjoying doing these things. I also remember horrible memories associated with those joyful memories. Which could be why I forgot/inner me forgot even the joy in life?

In all of this, I also found my self acting "childish"..I would stomp my feet and whine like a little girl, realize I was doing it and chuckle and say I guess someone isn't happy with me right now or not liking what is going on. I started listening more to my inner voice/gut feelings.

In doing that........Wow.......I realized that she has been there all along for all these years trying to tell me so many things. I also realize there are "others" who crop up and whom I am severely fighting against at this moment to not give in to them with the stressers of what life has thrown at me right now and not go out and do all the "bad" behaviours I have "always" done when something serious/trauma happened to me to trigger.

She had been trying to reach/talk to me for the last few eyars and I had been fighting her tooth and nail....every step of the way..I will forever be thankful for my therapist for getting me to actually tune in to her. She has saved my children's future and my life...

I won't go into details and I know that my soon to be ex husband reads the boards but it was her "my inner childs voice" that I should have listened to during our marraige about the things going on right under my nose involving our/mine/his children. She "inner child" was extremely angry at me for not listening to all the signs/warnings/gut feelings and I was slipping and slipping down so far backwards in my refusal/denial of all things and he was feeding off that and helping that along with telling me how crazy I was.

I now know that I am not crazy. He was a trigger to me and helping me not listen to the ones I should have been listening to. That guilt will last a long time, me allowing him to sucker me in/brainwash me to the point of believing him over my teenage daughter...

I now do have conversations, short they may be and usually entail, thank you so much for your insistance on making me listen to you, along those lines with my inner. As mentoned, I still have a hard time looking at the picture and saying ya, thats me....But I am getting there and have faith after seeing how far I have come in just a few months....

It sure is NOT easy, but I have faith. I also have a lot of fear of the future and the unknown of what she has been protecting me from. However, I know I am strong and will get through it when the time is right.

Thanks for the great topic

 

[his_swallow]

Interesting read. I am wondering if I have an inner child too - she is faceless and, at the moment, nameless but whenever I am writing about the molestation or talking about it, I begin to refer to myself as "she" as if it didn't happen to me but a child (who is, by the way always a little girl - she doesn't grow up). I can't envision here inside of me yet but she is there and I can feel her if that makes any sense? I have a feeling that as I explore things with my therapist, she will have a face... and a name.

 

[his_swallow]

Also, I am curious if everyone's inner children look like they did as a child? I have a feeling that mine doesn't.