How Do You Deal With Your Anger?

[shadowmedic]

just wanted to see what your reaction is to this question. me, personally, i have a tendency to want to be a recluse and become very quiet. i also have a tendency to hold a grudge.:stupid: its maybe not the best way to deal with it but i find it better than dropping a nuke on somebody for every little thing. respectfully, SM

 

[Cindy]

Shadowmedic

I'm working on it. I posted a long response and I'm searching the threads now to find it, I'm too lazy to type it all again. Mine has a little spin to it though, I don't feel anger, well I didn't use to feel anger. It is still hard for me to recognize at times. I was threatened as a child at knife point if I responded negatively - thus self preservation overrides any type of emotional response. I have had to learn to feel negative emotions and once I started I didn't know what to do with them so the result was this post. When I locate it I'll come back here and just post the thread and the # of the post.

cindy

 

[Cindy]

finally found it ... whew

Shadowmedic:

The post is in Chat PTSD - thread: major meltdown this weekend ... #7

posted on o5 o3 2008

Don't know if it will be useful but ?

Also I'll share with you, I recently gave a large bouncy ball to a friend going through a rough time, He thought I was nuts. About a week later, he confessed to me - Hey, that really works.

When in doubt, and desperate, try anything.:wink:

:think: I'll keep thinking about it though because right now I am seriously angry at my Mom (86) and clueless of her part in my PTSD AND tomorrow I 'have' to pick her up for the day. 1, it's Easter and 2, Sunday is the only day I give her.

 

[linasmom]

Hey Shadowmedic -

I have anger issues. Basically, as a child (like Cindy), I was not allowed to cry or else I would be physically harmed if I did. Of course, when one cries it's because they are hurting or feel sadness. So in turn, I taught myself to feel nothing instead of something. Now, as an adult, whenever I'm hurt or sad or slightly irritated, I tend to become angry instead of showing the proper emotion.

At this stage in my life I am mostly numb but if there is emotion, it's usually anger. It's something I really want to resolve through therapy. I will say, my current meds has really helped a lot with the anger (I don't rage), so now I'm just mostly numb. But that's not healthy either.

Best,
Rachel

 

[Seeking_Nirvana]

For many years I was passive-aggressive and now I'm learning to set boundaries and be assertive otherwise I just internalize it.

Tammy

 

[Cindy]

Queen of internallizing anger (emotions)

Because I was not allowed to show emotions therefore permanently numb for most of my life until probably 3-4 yrs ago I know the outcome.

Internallized Anger = DEPRESSION

Try to express it someway; writing, physical exercise, sharing with a friend or therapist, 'pillow fight', ....

I usually know I am angry when - I can't eat, sleep, have a migraine, upset stomach, shaking my leg -

Internallized Anger = PHYSICAL AILMENTS

I've experienced all scales and levels of this spectrum.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Before therapy.... I was a stark raving maniac. I would scream, throw things, swear like a truck driver, break things, and just basically look, feel, and act like a lunatic.

Now I try to identify my feelings. Mostly I just giggle and let things roll off my back. Sometimes I just get really frustrated, and nasty, but catch myself quickly and walk away.

 

[scm]

Anger

Hi sm,
At the 1st hint of anger I shut right the he** down. It's interesting to me when I recognize there are problems, and my significant other seems utterly clueless to what's going on, and REFUSES to do anything, see anyone - whatever. So instead of taking care of myself I've become extremely codependent, and as I wrote - shut down when things get heated. (Depression, anxiety, stomach problems - :rolleyes:) I don't do well with confrontation either, but I am learning.

scm

 

[Cecilia]

I don't deal with anger well at all. That is why I have to rework and reword everything in my mind before I say anything.

Usually, I become extremely quiet and try to hide it and then when it is least expected I EXPLODE about something irrelevant.

That's what I do, but it is not very effective.

 

[hjpalm]

I don't deal with anger well at all. That is why I have to rework and reword everything in my mind before I say anything.

Usually, I become extremely quiet and try to hide it and then when it is least expected I EXPLODE about something irrelevant.

That's what I do, but it is not very effective.

Me too. I have no idea when I am angry. I am not allowed to be angry. Trained and conditioned to not be angry by my mother first, then by my husband for 20 years. :naughty:
I left him almost 6 years ago. I am scared to get angry still.

 

[goingonhope]

How do I deal with my anger:

More and more, once again, I successfully deal with my anger through searching within and identifying for myself, my fears (often the roots as well) and becoming willing and deciding to be honest, discuss my fears and feel the emotions which follow such honest disclosure. Sometimes these feelings are of competency, release and self-confidence, other times I feel embarassment, humiliation, shame and/or guilt.

When I fail to do the above, I unsuccessfully cope with my anger with a myraid of destructive approaches, (including avoidance behavior) and remain to live in the negative outcome(s).

 

[bustedflat]

Dealing with anger

On the job I was trained to never take things personally, treat everyone with the same courtesy and respect and our behavior was measured by what was good for the company. I consider myself fortunate to have been trained as such. But I spent most of my waking life there and tended to treat my family the same way...so instead of anger everything became a business problem. Does that make sense?
bustedflat