How do you dispell thoughts that tell you you deserved your abuse?

[Abstract]

foster a sense of accomplishment.

I found this was really important dragging me out of the state of pure worthlessness. And a sense of autonomy. probably why I defend my autonomy so strongly.

mourn the ideal of my abusers.

So important.

They did bad things and are to hold the blame. Not me and not you either

Absolutely. Carrying the abusers blame is what we tend to do.

 

[shimmerz]

Sorry, short on time and just popping in so didn't read other responses. My apologies if this duplicates another posting.

My process for going through the self blame part of trauma was by pretending I am trying to explain to a child (,y son let's say) of a similar age why they deserved abusive behaviour of a similar type. That straightened me out. I recognized that I couldn't, of course, rationalize that, so obviously there was something wrong with my own self image.

 

[bellbird]

pretending I am trying to explain to a child (,y son let's say) of a similar age why they deserved abusive behaviour of a similar type.

Wow. This hit my critic like a train.

 

[shimmerz]

Stopped mine dead. I still use it when I go off the rails.

 

[koalaburger]

This is my last demon. I was constantly abused by both parents. One time, when I was ten, my father grabbed me by my shirtfront and with his face inches from mine and bright red he screamed "I hate your guts." The trauma was like being electrocuted and the terror and panic and helplessness was overwhelming. I took on that screaming self hatred and it has been brought up to the surface after many years of therapy. I think I did it to side with the abuser against myself to try and split from the victimised me. I have been trying all sorts of strategies to change it. My therapist wants me to keep letting it go and being in my adult in the present. The rage at myself is so overpowering at the moment and I am eating sugar and crap like crazy. I have tried a lot of things mentioned here but I guess I have been like this for a long time and it is going to take a long time to overcome it.