General How Do You Handle It When.......

[ktmarie71]

I wanted to let you know what happened after I finally "outted" us as a family struggling with this. Several of our friends sent messages and called saying they support us and offering to do what ever we needed that would help.
The most important thing that happened was that his buddy who had gone to combat with him reached out. They talked for a long time and it was so good to actually hear him laugh from the other room.
Some of our friends did not respond. I take this as a sign we need to let them go. No more wasted time on people who won't be there when you need them. It does not matter to me that this is an uncomfortable subject for them, because it is a far more uncomfortable thing to live with. I would walk through fire for the people I care about. All I asked them to do was give a show of support.
I was taking a risk that my husband would be upset with me. He was actually very generous and said he understood why I did it. After the long conversation with his buddy he even hugged me and said he was so glad I still here.
I do feel a little nervous about talking about this. I dont want anyone to think he is some kind of awful person who gets his kicks out of scaring people and I also don't want people to pity him. I just want him to feel that people care, and he is still connected.
We both made appointments today to see a counselor about all this and I have a veterans wives support group meeting next week. I am hoping all this will help when the next bad day comes.
I am glad I can also be here, with all of you. Thanks for the support.

 

[wife of]

KT marie,that is wonderful,I know it is sad to come to the realisation that folks you thought you were close with are as much use as chocolate t pots,the same happened to me,you just have to let them go and work with the genuine support you do find from others .I have been amazed at some of the people in our lives who have stepped up to provide support,some of them were the most unlikely of candidates...good luck..Sue.

 

[Ladyhope Somerset]

he has been very good about seeking treatment but recently he is really struggling and has been going into rages the last two days. its been 7 years since he was wounded. I thought I was really good at reading the signs but didnt see this coming. Im scare. Im desperate and I need some help.
I know he feels forgotten and alone and he needs the support of his Army buddies and I need some too. I think this could all spiral out of control and he could end up hurting me or our child or God forbid commitiing suicide. He talked a little about that tonight when he settled down..just that he has thought of it ..........................
..............I am exhuasted and a little more fragile than normal...I am really scared and feel very alone and backed into a corner.

Hi ktmarie71

I haven't been around the forum lately so hope you and your husband managed to find support during the crisis.
He needs a good relationship with the medics & counsellors. It takes courage to ask for help (it's not a sign of weakness).
Support from the professionals should include someone for you to talk to, we also have to learn to take care of ourselves!

Keep in touch when you can.
best wishes RG

 

[Ladyhope Somerset]

Sounds like you are a safe pair of hands. Good to hear his buddy stepped up for him and you are getting counselling.;):D Fab.

 

[ktmarie71]

I have not been in here for a while but wanted to let you all know how things are going. Last week I went to the veteran's wives group and that was actually a very positive experience. I went to private counseling and I plan to keep going. I also went to my husband's appointment but things got very intense and continue to be that way.
During my husband's appointment he atttempted to minimalize his behavior and imply that i am overreacting. I blew up. I didn't hold anything back. He looked horrified. I was so angry and I felt backed in a corner. In a moment of clarity I blurted out "I think he changed way before Iraq. I think this all started after he went to Bosnia!" I was in free fall. It is true. He was more angry and agressive after Bosnia; not as bad as after Iraq, but enough so that I tried to get help back then.
I had gone to the unit chaplain and confided that my husband seemed to be struggling after returning from Bosnia. The Chaplain said, "Nothing happened over there." He implied it was just a marital issue and that I should pray for my husband. After that I stopped trying to figure it out. I doubted my own observations and sense of the situation. I began to think I was driving him away somehow and just grew quiet about it. That was easier than you might think because he was constantly in the field and in training and then he was deployed to Iraq.
I know that he was not in combat in Bosnia, but he was one of the troops assigned to guard mass graves and other more distrubing finds. He told me some of what happened a few years ago, but refused to say more. I did my research and it is true. The dates of discovery and the site locations match his deployment and in retrospect I can clearly see that he was not the only one who was having a hard time back then. I wish I knew then what I know now.
Right now I am hanging on but I am also on edge. I am full of anxiety not knowing what is going to set him off next. He just seems to be in a constant state of irritation. I am losing weight because I am too nervous to think about food; not that I can't stand to lose some, but I know its not healthy. I notice I am being hypervigilant and its a struggle not to be in a panic over the slightest sign of anger from him.
I was thinking earlier today that maybe I am losing it and then the thought occured to me, I dont think many people could stand this after close to four weeks. I feel like this is some sort of psychological warfare. I keep standing up and getting slammed again, emotionally speaking.
I miss the woman I was just a month ago; that woman was giddy over new high heels, and she would smile and feel so happy when he came into the room. This one cringes and shakes and cries far too much. I feel ambushed.

 

[princessx]

I did not tell anyone my ex had PTSD until after he "checked out" from my life out of the blue. Before that I didn't think it was important to tell anyone because there was not really anything to tell. I never noticed anything wrong with him Then after our breakup I thought it was important for my friends and family to know why he did what he did. Most people say I am better off without him as well. I don't agree because he was a great guy, but yeah I would have probably said the same thing if it happened to someone I cared about.

This sounds exactly like my situation. I wish people understood.