How do you handle people who mean well but have no clue?

[mamachick]

You have every right to politely tell her that you don't want to discuss and to tell her that you are fine. You cant change her. Find someone else to get a hug from. She isn't the one to comfort you.

 

[grit]

:hilarious: Hey @grit - was visualising you picking up a sibling and screwing up your nose and dropping it back on the shelf lol... :oops::sorry:

I know that came out funny but in reality it was not. It is unfortunate that we are big family and we are all damaged in our own ways. If my mother was the centre of our universe as children, some became like her (carrying on the legacy) and some are shutting down the legacy and changing the narrative. So yes, I chose whom to keep and whom to say I love you from the distance and I wish you well. Regardless of the physical distance, the real work of distancing is who they are in my mind, my own internalization of them and that is the work I am doing in therapy. Not an easy thing to change but I am awaken somewhat so I can see I carry their voices in my head and want to learn how to soften that part....long long process.

 

[TruthSeeker]

I have no idea what you are talking about. What solution?



No because then I risk losing my nephew.

I walked away from a lousy marriage, my family, those that upset or helped keep me scared, or helping me to feeling crappy, physically sick, and I walked away from family to let go of drama. This was the only way I could find what you are seeking-stability.

I found the price of losing contact with my grandson excruciatingly painful- I know that fear, and I’ve taken the no med route for lack of med options at this time.

But I speak only from my experience, there has been a huge payoff for not engaging at all with the controlling negative people who intentionally or unintentionally sought to trigger me- New doors in therapy and my life as a whole have opened as a result of letting go of the negative- the past- and it not being there to deal with. At the time I owned it as a necessity to getting to A better place. I’m now more able to pursue what makes me happy, try new things, get up and out of bed and do something worthwhile, and have just moved into that stability phase in therapy- it feels good- an I have no negative Nellies to screw up a good day. While it is still lonesome, I was lonesome when they were there- and MUCH more miserable than ever.

Make yourself each and every day a number one priority so you can feel safe. I admire your courage in dealing with your family. Sending positive thoughts and hugs your way!

 

[ChildofGod]

It's easy to get annoyed. I don't put much stock into it anymore.

 

[EveHarrington]

I’m working on this issue in therapy.

My sister has agreed to come to a therapy session when she moves back to the area, hopefully in a few months.

I asked her to read a book which will help explain my struggles, and she said she would. Now I just need to buy another copy and mark it up as not everything in the book applies to me.

I’ve been good about not reacting to her, which is a great accomplishment for me.

 

[TruthSeeker]

I’m working on this issue in therapy.

My sister has agreed to come to a therapy session when she moves back to the area, hopefully in a few months.

I asked her to read a book which will help explain my struggles, and she said she would. Now I just need to buy another copy and mark it up as not everything in the book applies to me.

I’ve been good about not reacting to her, which is a great accomplishment for me.

Way to Go!!! Good Luck!