How do you isolate?

[NicG]

I've been doing SO well, trigger-wise, up until the last two weeks. A combination of drug side-effects, injuries, pain, friend drama just made me super vulnerable.

When you guys isolate yourselves in response to stress, anxiety, whatever it is that makes you do it, who's the first person to go? What makes it change? My response this time around has been to get clingy to my partner but build some huge walls between me and some of my older, less sensitive friends. The ones who make really inappropriate comments in conversations, or the ones who don't have the most mature response to drama. And the one girl who set it off by accident by directly repeating a phrase to me that was screamed in my face by my abuser (not her fault, but it shut me down towards her).

I'm really looking for some validation here, too. I feel like a bad friend because I'm the type to always want to be there for everyone. My psych says I'm doing the right thing. I'm scared of my relationships changing, though. Help?

 

[Nevermore]

Isolation for me means I don't go to anyone!
I go alone - that's what isolation is, for me anyway.
I'm not sure about the "older less sensitive friend"? older usually means safer to me - more experience, more knowing, more real.
It's not clear what happened here, but sounds like you were triggered badly. It's not always to do with who says what - others can't possibly know what your own triggers are.
I think that's what has always pushed me into isolation - when the outside world becomes too much pressure because I sm so easily triggered!
Looking after yourself doesn't have to mean that anyone has done the wrong thing, just that you recognise that you are not able to process stuff in this time snd need a break.
I know the fear of relationships changing, but they do. It's just life!
I hope you're ok.

 

[intothelight]

When you guys isolate yourselves in response to stress, anxiety, whatever it is that makes you do it, who's the first person to go?

It isn't so much that anyone goes as I am the one that steps out for a while. I give myself a day or weekend and I just shut off the internet, phone, and do things that are relaxing and rejuvenating. I look at it as an opportunity to recharge and kind of reset my mental and emotional energy back where it needs to be to deal with the stressors of life again.

 

[desiderata310]

Isolation to me means I physically isolate and shut down. I go inside myself and make sure to cut off physical contact, verbal, etc.
Sounds like what you're doing is called self-care and setting boundaries. But I could be wrong

 

[RussH]

I work in a job that puts me in contact with a lot of people, so on my days off I will make myself go run some errands in the morning, then I spend the rest of the day inside the house. I may do laundry, or some cleaning, watch tv, or read. I will also come on here and read post, but don't usually respond or go into chat because I am avoiding human contact.

I isolate by becoming invisible inside my house. I can look out the window and see the world, but the world can't see me. If I have any communication with the outside world it is because I initiate it. I don't respond to the world trying to contact me.

 

[Kintsugi]

I drew a map of my relationships in therapy, though I can't remember exactly why. Anyway, there was a big dot in the center, then several lines of circles rippling outwards. The dot in the center is My Person, whoever I see or talk to daily unrelated to my work. My Person is my top priority. Outside of that are my closest friends. Then my work friends. Then people who are tangential to my life, such as family and professors.

The first circle outside of My Person is the first one I cut out--my closest friends. I labeled this circle, "High Risk Relationships." Next, the middle dot, my top-priority relationship, should I feel my symptoms pose a threat to that relationship.

What I am trying to say is the relationships I am most afraid to lose forever are the ones that I exile first when I isolate. Sounds soooooo effective, amiright? ;)

 

[EveHarrington]

Selective isolation, month four.

I let go of most friends. They eventually stopped trying to contact me. Last week I thought I was ready to reconnect so I reached out to them, but got no response. Isolation by choice, no longer by choice. I can try to make new friends but it's just not in me right now.

My family is still around. They mostly reach out to me. One friend is still around. He is the one who is always contacting me. I feel less pressure to reply because our days overlap by only a few hours since he's currently on the other side of the planet.

 

[Kintsugi]

One friend is still around. He is the one who is always contacting me. I feel less pressure to reply because our days overlap by only a few hours since he's currently on the other side of the planet.

I am very lucky that my very best friend never stopped reaching out to me. We didn't talk for maybe as long as three years when we were both in college. Maybe it was two. Anyway, it was too long. I have finally come to the understanding that he will always be there, and I think he knows I will always be there. We live in different timezones, too, but text messaging is a modern miracle. He is in my innermost circle, but I no longer see him as high risk. Even when I've been my sickest, he hasn't run away from me in all my insanity.

 

[NicG]

Oh guys, thankyou so much. This has really helped.
Previously, isolation to me has meant disappearing from all the most important people's lives (SO effective, @Simply Simon !) But the older less sensitive friends thing relates to people I was close with in high school, and still am, but they didn't exactly reach the same level of maturity as everyone else? So I still love them, but it's a bit much at times.

Sounds like what you're doing is called self-care and setting boundaries

Haha, wow. It feels so strange to be told I'm possibly actually doing it right! This is perhaps what my psych was trying to tell me. Thanks!

I isolate by becoming invisible inside my house. I can look out the window and see the world, but the world can't see me.

At the right times, I LOVE that feeling. If nobody can see me, nobody can judge me or hurt me or influence how I process or feel about things. It's like a little safe haven to heal and just be myself.

Thanks for all the wisdom, friends!