Relationship How do you keep sh*t to yourself?

[dulcia]

How do you keep your mouth shut when old sh*t starts flaring up in your mind?

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

It depends if it's a day my filters are working or not.

I try not to purposely keep things in anymore to be honest. After years of suppressing a whole lot of shit, I painfully learned it all comes back out in some of the damnedest ways.

If my filters are in pretty good working order, I'll try my best to communicate that I'm having a hard time in that moment and need some space/time to process, or else I risk continuing to be triggered and all bets are off as to what comes flying out of my mouth. Then I have "clean-up duty" to have to go through in trying to explain why I lost my shit, and I try to avoid that like the plague.

Mostly, I'll try to choose a healthier distraction to be able to release it based on what's available in the moment, like walking barefoot out in the grass, dig a hole in the ground or in a container full of dirt and plant something so at least something good can grow from my frustration, primal screaming into a pillow or while riding in the car with my favorite music cranked up, deep diaphragmatic breathing and alternate nostril breathing exercises, spend some time in the bathroom telling my reflection in the mirror how worth it I am to not let anyone else take complete control of my emotions, etc. The breath work is like the foundation to whatever else I choose.

 

[dulcia]

@Tornadic Thoughts, that was like a gold mine of ideas! Thank you!

 

[Parley]

I don't know. I'm a mess. My husband once said I wouldn't say shit if my mouth was full of it and typing doesn't help; its too easy to edit. I don't wish to remain silent~ I just haven't figured out the words.

 

[Friday]

A LOT of practice!

 

[Sweetpea76]

It helps to know that if I would let it fly, it'd be like spitting into a fan... I'd be the one to get it in the face.

I pick my battles. I have to decide if my shit is important enough to make it our shit or his shit. Then it has to be one issue at a time. It can't be a waterfall of complaints. One thing at a time.

It's hard to be patient when you feel your needs aren't being met. Especially if you put in Herculean efforts and he can't see it because he's wrapped up in himself and his PTSD. I have to remind myself how hard he is working to be in a relationship with me when he thinks being in a relationship is dangerous. All he wants to do is run and be alone, but he stays. That's a lot of work too, even if it doesn't look like it.

Then I go break plates on the back of my shed until I feel better. I'm serious. Ugly ass garage sale plates.

 

[LuckiLee]

Yard work and screaming into a pillow. ;)

 

[Snowflakes]

I write in my journal. I can throw away the pages later if I want to but I can't take back the words.

Regretably, I've been talking more and writing less lately. Thank you @tiredtexan for the thread. I needed it.