How Do You Know When It's Time To Move On From Therapy?

[Cool Cat]

I feel like a bit of an eeejit sometimes here because like 60% of my posts are on therapy.

But I was out for coffee with my bro (only family member who knows I'm in therapy) and he asked me when am I going to stop going to therapy.
He did raise issues like how much it costs and so on. In a way he makes a good point, I would have so much more money if I didn't go. He also raised some points that are really f*cking with my head, like my T just keeping me for money reasons***

Now at the same time, to put this in context. He had the very same conversation with my while I was still actively self-harming. (He doesnt know about how bad I was, he only knows I'm in therapy) But as in he's not always good at noticing things, to be fair though, if you ever met me I would seem like a completely balanced happy individual.

It is true, that I am no longer in a crisis. However, it is also true that...

(a) I still get the odd trigger and have some dissociation problems
(b) I still get the urge to self-harm, and struggle with it
(c) Sexual relationships are like, impossible for me
(d) I have no close friends and find it hard to be close with people
(e) Despite my confidence, my self-esteem is still very poor
(f) I have a lot of issues and a poor opinion with how I look, or how attractive I think I am
(g) I work around the clock
(h) While I am less 'numb', I still am quite split from emotions (still can't cry)
(i) I'm still very secretive
(j) As you can see, I'm very very hard on myself


So I'm trying to figure out what to do with therapy at the minute. I don't 'need' it to survive anymore but I still have a lot of 'things' in my life. I can't figure it out, what do you think?


***Which as a half-price reduced cost client, is probably not the thing

 

[Kefira]

This is something I've struggled with a lot, so I'll be really interested to see the responses of others. It's this situation where everyone thinks we "should" be in therapy until we get "better". Since there's no such thing as a cure and we're likely to continue to have relapses to symptomatic episodes over a long duration, the only solution then would be to stay in therapy.... forever. Which between the cost and the fact that often (at least for me) therapy seems to be about hearing the same things I know but can't seem to integrate over and over, doesn't seem like an awesome option to me. But no one seems to be able to give me a good answer that makes sense either.

For my portion: I'm trying a new kind of therapy when I move. This will get me set up with a local therapist and allow me to see if there's anything to be gained from a different approach than I've tried before. If we click, my intention is to go regularly but infrequently. That way cost will be lower, I can still work on coping skills, but more importantly I'll have rapport with someone for those symptom flareups where I really need to be able to see someone who knows my history. However I also have a couple reasons to be able to prove I'm in therapy for a few years so that also factors in. Again: everyone thinks we "should" be actively seeking treatment even if they don't understand how the disorder works or what therapy does and doesn't do.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Ok, I wrote a LONG response and lost it....lets see if I can remember what I said.....

I think you should stop listening to your brother. If you had a heart condition, would you quit going to the cardiologist when your life was no longer at risk but you would still have a diminished life without further treatment? HECK NO! The same goes for mental health care. You are seeking out advice from someone who doesn't know what he is talking about, and then letting it mess with your head. Yes, therapy costs $$$, but you can't put a price on your health, not in the least. My mental health medical costs are well over $100K at this point, and I still need further treatment.

Dare I say that the VAST majority of those in therapy aren't in crisis and don't need therapy to survive? Yep, its true. So why do you think you should move on from therapy if you still have so many issues? Have you processed your trauma yet? (If not, I'd say no, now is most definitely not the time to quit therapy. If yes, then perhaps take a break to see if you can sink or swim on your own.)

And here's another way of thinking about it. If you could fix yourself and all of those problems on your own, wouldn't you have done that by now? I understand that you are out of crisis mode, but at the same time, therapy isn't just for those in crisis. MANY people with no diagnosable disorder are in weekly therapy. I say stick with it.

 

[risingsun]

To stay in therapy should be based upon whether or not you are continuing to make progress with respect to your issues. To leave therapy should be based on whether or not you are able to utilize the tools you have learned in therapy in your everyday life, e.g., controlling your emotional reactions to triggers, learning to soothe yourself in positive ways, etc. Remember to trust your own inner voice with respect to this. It is about you and only you and your emotional health.

 

[ArlenePTSD]

If you are still in emotional pain, a competent therapist is one of the best ways to take care of yourself. It may cost a little bit now; however, in the long run, you will find so many rewards as a more confident individual. Plus, the costs more than even out in regards to being able to function completely in the workforce.

If you are finding it difficult to keep up with the costs of therapy, there are many other avenues that can help you heal. For me, I cut down a little on therapy and have been supplementing it with free support groups. I have gone to several different groups until I found one that clicks. I also do activities online such as mindfulness, progressive relaxation, and visualization. Writing and blogging help, too. I continue my private therapy because I am allowed to dig deep into issues; however, I reduce a little at a time because I am slowly able to use the tools that I learned in therapy.

The most important thing is to listen to your own instincts. You will know when you no longer need therapy. Plus, remember to ask God for help.
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The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all. Psalm 34:18

 

[shimmerz]

People have their own 'fears' about things. I know I used to get this from a few people. They were the people who subscribed to the 'hush, don't say a word' type of therapeutic approach. You know, if you don't talk about it then it will go away. lol. Just how I got into this freaking bind. Because all of my life nobody 'talked' about it. Nobody acknowledged it.

It sounds like your family has a 'don't talk about it' subscription as well. People in the family don't know, brother only knows so much (not that he should know it all). Just keep in mind when your mind is mulling over other people's thoughts and ideas on these things - they have no idea what help you are getting from your therapist. Yes, they cost money but it is also really inconvenient when one can't work because they didn't go to therapy.

 

[scout86]

IMO, when @Solara nails something, she NAILS it and this time she nailed it.

Just to level the playing field, a couple of my buddies from this forum have spent the past few days trying to convince me that the fact that I on the verge of panicking and disappearing into the distance suggests I might not be quite ready to quit therapy either. This happens often enough that it should probably be an official "symptom".

There's no particularly good reason to expect your brother to get ANY of this. He apparently doesn't have any mental health issues and probably doesn't know much about therapy. Besides, you've told us that there's stuff you haven't told HIM. (I'm hoping you HAVE told your T.)

I've heard the "He's stringing you along for the money" deal before. Even thought it, in some of my more paranoid moments. Reality? I'd bet clients are easy to come by. If he's not taking YOUR money, he'd be taking someone else's. You're getting a reduced rate? Well, if it was about money, he'd replace you with someone whose insurance pays the full price, right?

That's a pretty big list you've got there. Doesn't sound to me like a place you'd really want to spend the rest of your life. AND, might I point out, if you have struggles with self harm, there's a chance that the rest of your life could be short. Then your brother gets your estate? Maybe it's about the money? (Just kidding!)

If you don't feel like you're getting anywhere in therapy, talk about that with your T. But, you DESERVE to get these things dealt with and you're WORTH what it costs. You have the rest of your life to have a better life and to make and spend money., Life is supposed to be about more than just survival. (Or so I'm told! LOL) I'd suggest you stick with it in some form.

 

[Cool Cat]

To leave therapy should be based on whether or not you are able to utilize the tools you have learned in therapy in your everyday life, e.g., controlling your emotional reactions to triggers, learning to soothe yourself in positive ways, etc. Remember to trust your own inner voice with respect to this. It is about you and only you and your emotional health.

Yeah that's a fair point. I suppose I was doing fine with my 'decision' or how I felt about being in therapy until he sprung this on me.

It sounds like your family has a 'don't talk about it' subscription as well.

Yeah, well, my family have more of a:
"You have a problem? Let's talk about it! ................ oh okay, yeah that's enough, get over it" approach.

There's no particularly good reason to expect your brother to get ANY of this. He apparently doesn't have any mental health issues and probably doesn't know much about therapy. Besides, you've told us that there's stuff you haven't told HIM. (I'm hoping you HAVE told your T.)

Yeah that's a fair point. He has been to therapy but left after only a few weeks, so I take it he's either avoidant or didn't need it.

Well, if it was about money, he'd replace you with someone whose insurance pays the full price, right?

Very true.

if you have struggles with self harm, there's a chance that the rest of your life could be short.

I hope not! Do you think so?

You have the rest of your life to have a better life and to make and spend money., Life is supposed to be about more than just survival.

Yeah I second that, thats kinda been my motto in therapy since I started,

 

[Cool Cat]

I think though, if he knew about the self-harm he wouldn't make such comments. I hate always dwelling on staying in therapy because of self-harm though. It's a bit of a crutch.

 

[RussH]

I would think that your therapist would have the professional integrity and ethics to let you know when you have successfully completed your therapy.

Having read through the issues you are still dealing with I would think that continued therapy would be a wise idea, however if you are not sure. . .

Have you asked them where they think you are in terms of your healing and your need for continued therapy? It may be possible that they are waiting for you to tell them that you feel you no longer need therapy.

 

[scout86]

I hope not! Do you think so?

I hope not too! But that's kind of a serious thing, right?

I hate always dwelling on staying in therapy because of self-harm though. It's a bit of a crutch.

I believe it's actually considered to be "a symptom", Unless you mean that you deliberately use the threat of hurting or killing yourself JUST as an excuse to stay in therapy. That's NOT what you mean, is it? You said you struggle with it. As in, you try hard not to do it but it's hard to cope without doing it? That's not an excuse, it's a legitimate problem that deserves attention. :rolleyes:

 

[Cool Cat]

I would think that your therapist would have the professional integrity and ethics to let you know when you have successfully completed your therapy.

I believe it's actually considered to be "a symptom",

I suppose it is, but I never thought it shortens your life. I guess I mean, I've fallen back on SH before when I was out of therapy, so it could happen again.