How Do You Know?

[Nikki Carter]

How do you know if you're ready to start dating again? And if so, how do you bring up your past? I imagine it would have to come up at some point, especially if your ptsd symptoms are either severe or noticeable.

 

[RecedingMoonlight]

It all depends on the person and whether they are open to dating or not.

Some people adamantly refuse to date or become involved with a significant other for many, many reasons - especially if it stems from abuse. Others are more open to the idea of dating, but struggle to reveal anything about past experiences. Some right off the bat when they start dating tell their partner right away that they have PTSD from abuse, military work, or anything else that has affected them.

I would assume rarely do people bring up a direct explanation of their past to their partners - especially if they just started dating. "I have PTSD" appears to be the bear minimum for several people, but even then many have trouble telling others that. It all depends on the person and what level of comfort they have with others, really.

 

[EveHarrington]

I think part of being ready is being able to manage our symptoms to a certain degree as its not fair to a potential partner if we lean on them too much or expect too much from them.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Well, I think if you feel ready, then you are ready. And I think (my opinion) that relationships that last go slow and have 2 way respect and proper boundries respected.

Advising of my past wouldn't be my first worry. I wouldn't, at first. If symptoms come up (flinching when touched, having issues during sex, etc) I would advise ONLY what you are comfortable with. That would take time for me. The longer the time the more trust that's built and the more I will advise. But it is slowly over a long period of time.

 

[questionsaboutrel]

Well, I think if you feel ready, then you are ready. And I think (my opinion) that relations...

This is great advice. Going slow is important. My sufferer told me right when we met and informed me of his healing journey and that he was specifically seeking a serious relationship. We fell way too quick and so when stressful events happened to him this year (some in the relationship, some outside things that were not in my control), I felt blindsided with the effects of the symptoms from someone who seemed committed. I think that if we had taken it more slow from the start, it would have been easier for him to feel he could have his own space/isolate and easier for me to give it.