How Do You Make Friends?

[Xbreed]

I don't look to make friends, I wait for people that are interested enough to want to make friends of Me, then it goes from there:cautious: But it has served me well ,as,, If I call you My Friend, chances are I will do my best to have your back!

 

[seedling]

I took no offense whatever Ayesha. Actually, I'm not sure why you thought I might :)

That's a lot to share and get off your chest (so to speak). I don't think being sad about feeling lonely is self pity. I think it's good to examine the feeling and get to where it comes from. Don't stop at "oh, that's just self-pity and I shouldn't express it." The hurt it comes out of is real. To be social and have that part of you cut off from it's natural expression is painful.

I think your jealousy points to what you want to be doing. And I think you are making steps to be there. Maybe you are partly there already. There getting your nails done with a friend. Maybe after the coffee date ;). Do those girls in class have nice nails that they get done?

 

[seedling]

@Ayesha Can't help it, I keep thinking of you picking up one of the little paper balls the girl flicked at you and flicking it back at her. I think she would have liked it.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I don't look to make friends, I wait for people that are interested enough to want to make friends of Me

I've always done the same. Recently I realized that I haven't actually chosen a friend since high school! I don't have the confidence to initiate friendships. I always think that if I do show any sort of interest that people will think I'm some sort of weird predator who comes on too strong. And then I think that if someone wants to know me, they'll let me know. That is, if I initiate anything, I can't gauge if they actually have an interest or if I'm getting lip service.

I can't judge people or their actions AT ALL outside of what is established (ie family) or situations that are practically scripted (ie clerk at a store). I know my family's behavior because I've had a long time to learn it. I can trust the nice words of the clerk at the store because they're not being nice out of personal gain, rather they're just being nice for the sake of being nice. Anything else, ie friends or romantic interests, well in these situations I never know if the other person is being nice for the sake of being nice or if they're being nice for personal gain. I don't know the social dance and I don't even know if I'd be able to learn it. There are a lot of "if this then that BUT there are a whole lot of exceptions to this rule". I don't know how to wade through all of that!

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

@Xbreed..Same here. And that comes after I've tested them everyway imaginable under the sun. If they're still around. Friends we will be. :)

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

I notice a lot of discussion about setting boundaries. I have boundaries I don't necessarily set boundaries for others. I observe what theirs are by appearing to have none. Quickest way to get to know what you're dealing with.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Thank you for all the support @Solara @seedling @EvenStrongerNow @Xbreed and @Survivor2Thriver

I don't know what to say/think yet.

 

[atthree]

You know what kills my friendships is "Don't get mad, get even" in kind if that is possible.

A friend for example, I have forgiven several times before knowing I had PTSD (I understood why). Once I new what it was, I shared it with him and explained it to him with a story about a girl that kisses me. I was surprised to say the least, then she said, "You don't remember me,do you" I said, "No" her response was, "That's OK, can I go party with you guys?" I said "yes" Well my friend wigged out (his house) "Do you know this girl?" I said "No" We just left her while she was getting water in the back of the store.

Anyway I shared and we lost touch soon after. Honestly I don't think he is able to forgive himself or he is pretty pissed I didn't remember that pretty girl.

I keep friends at my interests, off roading and guitar playing. As far as buddies, I have my wife and family

PS: Now this girl, I've been able to have a few lunches with to explain my reaction and that I am very in love with my wife

 

[TakeTheBaggage]

I have a difficult time making friends because I do not like to open up to people. Also, I am very judgmental, because I was judged so harshly as a child. And, I think people are still judging me. PTSD controls my life, and I want it to stop.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

And, I think people are still judging me.

'Mind-reading" I do that myself sometimes. It's a hard habit to break.

 

[tillybee]

Get some cake! Make out it was from a dinner party you had and share it with the history girls!!!

Girls Love Cake - Fact!!! ;)

P.s. This may also work with wine :D

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

@tillybee You are confusing me. Cake to my college history class? I take class way to seriously for that. And I don't drink alcohol.

Or maybe the suggestions were a small joke and I am taking them to literally?