How do you resist self-harm urges?

[barefoot]

I have had times when I have engaged in what I suppose is technically self-harm/self-injury, although it has never really felt to me that that's what it is. But I can see now that it obviously isn't a great thing to be doing to myself.

I'm not doing it at the moment and haven't for several months. Maybe even a year.

I've just had a visit to the dentist. Last time I went a couple of years ago, it triggered the self-harming behaviour that, up until then, I hadn't done or even thought about for over a decade.

When I have the urge to do it, it feels like there is some kind of aching, throbbing pressure in my gums that feels like it absolutely has to be relieved. And if I cut my gums and make them bleed, that relieves the pressure. The ache/throbbing isn't physically painful so I think it is an emotional kind of ache...a manifestation of anxiety or something?

I am mindful of the fact that my last dental visit triggered these behaviours and I feel very strongly that I don't want to get back into those old habits and the cycle of cutting and bleeding and feeling so sore and not feeling able to stop myself. I just don't feel that I have any tools in case the urge suddenly takes me.

I understand the concept of replacing an unhealthy coping mechanism with a healthier one. But I don't really get how it works if the healthier coping mechanism doesn't involve pain. If the whole point to getting relief/release involves cutting and bleeding and hurting, how does doing something that doesn't involve any of those things bring any kind of relief?
Any thoughts on this?

And any suggestions for tools that may help? I'm hoping it won't be an issue and that I won't feel the urge at all, but would really like to have some ideas up my sleeve, just in case. At the moment, I feel like I only have the desire not to get into the old habit again. But I'm worried that, if it comes to it, the desire/compulsion to do it will be stronger than my desire to stop myself, if that makes sense?

Thanks!

 

[Bristol]

Best one that works for me is holding ice cubes, one in each hand until you physically cant hold them anymore, deals with the need for pain and grounds me pretty firmly to, i still cut but i try and do the ice cube thing first it normally works

 

[Heather]

I use to take dental floss and and shove it between my teeth up into the gum line.

I'm not advocating that at all.

NOW I get red marker and push as hard as I can on my upper thigh. Its mainly to get my anger/frustration out (especially when i feel at my wits end) and I usually end up writing something like, I hate my life.

Better than cutting.

 

[barefoot]

Thanks @Bristol Ice is something I can imagine may help as it's pretty uncomfortable. And because I could actually put it in my mouth, not just hold it in my hands, which may have an uncomfortable feeling and then a numbing effect, which might help?

 

[barefoot]

NOW I get red marker and push as hard as I can on my upper thigh

Thanks for sharing, Heather. This is what I'm struggling to understand...I can see that, of course, marking yourself with a pen is much better/healthier than cutting yourself. But if the urge to cut is about inflicting/feeling pain and making something bleed, how does drawing marks on yourself satisfy that?

Or am I trying to understand something intellectually and that's not useful?

Or do I need to somehow change my thinking/mind set so that I'm not wanting pain and blood? In which case, how do I do that?!

 

[Ivi]

I was once told to do the red marker thing. I never understood it either, I think that when I used to cut it was for the calming effect that comes afterwards. As a result I only ever did it when I was under a high amount of stress and when my old T told me about the red pen thing I was like "But that would release nothing for me." I'm glad it works for other people but I don't think it'd work for me tbh

 

[barefoot]

when my old T told me about the red pen thing I was like "But that would release nothing for me."

Yeah...this is what I'm thinking. How will that do anything?!
But I don't know if I'm trying and failing to make it make sense and therefore dismissing it, whereas if I tried something that I'm not convinced by, could I potentially find it more helpful than I think I will?!

Having said that, I don't think red markers would work because I assume you are supposed to mark yourself where you would cut? I don't ever do it on any other part of my body - it's all just in my mouth.

My therapist suggested yesterday that I could choose to replace it with a healthier way of engaging my body and releasing my feelings out through my body. And then she suggested I could go to the gym. I can understand going to the gym to fire up some chemicals to try to boost a low mood or to try to discharge anxiety or anger or something. But if the sensation is in my mouth and I want to cut my gums, feel the pain and make them bleed, I don't see how going to the gym with do anything for that?

 

[Heather]

For me @barefoot the red represents the blood and the harder I push the more pain I feel. I leave it on until it washes off in the shower...sometimes its there for a couple of weeks. I'm not talking about a pen but a big thick magic marker with a point. If pain is the result you're looking for that'll do it.

Lots of times (especially recently) I'll write in all capital letters I wish I were dead or I want to kill myself.

That's my go to tool instead of cutting. I use permanent magic marker too. Just my 2 cents.

 

[Heather]

Not everything works for everybody...if it doesn't work for you....then it doesn't work for you.

No harm. No foul.:hug:

 

[loui50]

Im dealing with this tonight. The intense feeling is in my wrists. Ive maganed to resist except for digging my fingernails in. Good luck!!

 

[barefoot]

sorry you are struggling with this right now, @loui50
Hope you were able to keep resisting!

 

[joeylittle]

Cold shower. Just right in, clothes and all, the moment you get the urge.

Or, stick your face in a bowl of ice water, or get your whole head under the faucet.

Or, splash cold water directly on your face.

The cold water on the face triggers the mammalian diving reflex, which is the central nervous system's way of surviving immersion in cold water. It's pretty amazing how effective it is.

The cold shower is that, plus good old fashioned negative conditioning. If you can be disciplined about it being a 'rule' for yourself - in other words, you get the urge to self harm, you immediately do something that is a calming shock to the system, and it will not be long before you'd rather do something other than self harm. Or even think about it.

It's aggressive, but it works.